Unable to respond Chapter 22 part 2

[8ak_fic_realm8]

Jin said nothing, just stood there. What can he say? That he was grateful what the old man did before? It was not because of him, not protecting him, but because of the profit. Johnny wouldn't have done it else, so why should he lick his feet now? He was just waiting for the scolding and decided to make the conversation in his own way.

"I don't regret it." He said in a firm voice.

"Pardon?" The old man raised his eyebrows.

"I don't regret that song. It came from my heart."

Johnny just looked at him with a strict, emotionless face, but then he started to laugh. "Good try, and I know I should punish you, but well, you are creating an image of yourself so you make my work easier. You think you can succeed? You think your message will get conveyed to them? It did to me, but...you should know I don't care. You are in my agency and bring a lot of money. I won't play as you want and I stand your guts. You are not that boring to always follow my orders as the others. But sorry to disappoint you, I won't be touched by your little song and throw you out to give you freedom."

Jin made a disgusted face. He was a little surprised tho that the old man was not totally mad at him, but who could predict Johnny's next move or   his behavior? That man always seemed to know his next step, no matter what any of the singers do. Jin wondered how the old man was able to do it. He had to admit, Johnny had a lot of talent in marketing and making money. The how to was never a question. Somehow he envied the old man. What could make him like this? A lot of experience?

"Are you satisfied that you sang that? I just repeat again, the girls doesn't care about the lyrics, you noticed it too, right? Don't think your little preech made them guilty or stop their behavior. You just waste your energy. You think you can clear your name? Are you that naive? I thought you are in the entertainment business more longer to still believing such fairytale. And as for me, I am not going to change anything on myself, what do you think of yourself? You should be grateful to me saving your ass so many times."

Before the singer could say something, Johnny said the final words.

"You have to perform as if nothing happened and now you can go." He waved his hand to the direction of the door, not even letting the young man say anything.

***

Everyone in the KAT-TUN dressing room were sitting frozen and worried. They knew so well Johnny will call Jin in and they were worried that the singer will now really get a punishment which he can't handle. Koki was tapping the desk, Maru and Ueda were watching the door and Junno just sat, unable to smile this time. 
It was already 10 minutes Jin was in the office of the big boss and the stress in the band members rose.

"Koki would you stop tapping the table?" Maru groaned and the rapper sighed. He didn't even notice he was doing that. Right when he wanted to answer, the door opened, revealing a tired Jin. All of them stood up, scanning the other, searching for signs of what could have happened.
However Jin was just standing in the doorway, not saying anything and it was too much for Koki to bear.

"Why don't you say a word? What happened? Did he scold you?" Scare was evident in his voice and the expression just confirmed it too.

Jin shook his head. "Surprisingly he didn't." He just said that while starting to walk into the direction of the big desk in the center of the room. The others followed him with their eyes.

"He didn't scold you??" Maru raised an eyebrow. How was it possible?

"It seems the old man can make profit about everything. His logic is weird, it was not even a slight bother to him. He just reminded me how naive I am and how life is not a fairytale." He made an unpleased face, thinking about his poor lover's condition. "As if I didn't know it already..." He sighed annoyed. But finally it was over, it lasted less time as he expected and now he could concentrate on the diary and finding Yuuya.

Everyone was silent, it was Junno who broke it. "Are you okay?"

Oh this question, Maru facepalmed himself and Koki gave a light hit at the back of Junno's head. It became a rule between them they won't ask Jin this in a situation like this. Junno, the K/Y.

"I am." Jin just smiled, not getting more bothered. He was way too used to this question already.

"We will have a concert tomorrow too. You know it, right?" Ueda asked trying to read the signs of Jin's face when he heard the information.

"Yes I know, it's okay. Don't worry that much. I will be alright." Akanishi tried to lighten the mood with a smile somewhat bigger than the previous ones, tho his thoughts were around the diary now. "But excuse me, now I have an important task to fulfill. Wish me luck." He showed a victory sign, winking. He needed to reassure his band he was okay, he knew how the others were worried for him. How he wished to see them as carefree and cheerful as they were back then. Jin knew, Kame's accident took something out of every member, not just out of him.

'Come back Kazu, you are missed.' He thought and prayed in himself.

The others smiled, Ueda went to him and patted his shoulder. "You know, whatever happens, you can always count on us."
Jin smiled thankfully. "I know."

It was so good feeling to have real friends. Who cares if the whole world doesn't like him? The friends were the most important. He was glad fate brought him to meet these guys. And no matter what they went through, THIS is KAT-TUN.

****

He took a deep sigh as he was standing in front of the house. He was chased away from here not only once, he knew that his appearance was not invited. Only if he could make the whole family believe how he had nothing to do with that accident. Tho he understood the father too. If he was a girl maybe he was forgiven easier?

He was so curious what was in that diary. Tho he knew, reading it will shake him up inside, that was sure. No matter what was written into it, without Kazuya by his side it will be pain him very much. He looked up at the sky and say how gray it was, clouds were again like a thick curtain. Even the weather changed since Kame was not with them. Or was it just his imagination? "I'd rather have rainy days with you than seeing the sunshine alone..." He sighed again, nodding, then knocking at the door, being prepared for the worst yet again.

Not much time passed and he heard noises that indicated the door will be open soon. Who will it reveal? Will it be a fight again? He was so tired of fights...

His heart skipped a beat when Akihiko opened the door. They looked into each other's eyes and Jin was surprised a little that he didn'T see the anger and hear shoutings at him. Instead the adult was standing there, eyeing him a little sadly, saying nothing. What happened? Why was he not chased away this time?

"I am sorry but, I..." He started but the man cut into his word. "Come in Akanishi-kun." And the door was opened more for him. Jin almost gaped. Huh? The father is suddenly nice to him?! He went inside, still surprised and with a little unsure steps. Was this a trick?

Akihiko pointed onto the sofa, signaling Jin to take place. The younger nodded a faint thank you, never losing the form of the father out of his sight. He was just more surprised when the man turned to him, holding out something for Jin to take it.

'The diary?!?' His eyes widened.

"U..uh..." Jin couldn't really say anything, he was shocked at the happenings to say the least.

"First I really disliked you." Akihiko started to speak as he sat down across Jin. "I hated you even. Believing everything what was told about you, then afraid that Kazuya might really have feelings for you. A boy." He sighed. "I couldn't deal with the fact that maybe it was really you who caused the accident, that you hurt my son. You don't have a good reputation I don't know if you know about it or not." His voice was a little distant still, not that friendly, but it was just to be able to mask his emotions. He felt more than sad looking at Jin, a little guilty even. This young man did a lot for his son and that song was still engraved in even his heart too. Who can write such lyrics can't just lie he was in love with his son. And that they were both boys... It will need time to adjust to, but as Nao said maybe it doesnt even matter.

"I....I never wanted anything bad to Kazuya." Jin said in a kind tone of voice and all of a sudden he started to feel so lonely. He longed for Kame to be by his side when reading whatever was written in the diary

"I am sure you came because of this. Read it." The father said and Jin didn't hesitate anymore to accept the offered diary. His hands were somewhat shaking while he opened it, starting to read the last entry. Akihiko's firm look softened and his eyes watered too as he watched the young man, sitting there miserably, trembling, trying to acknowledge all the things, trying to fight down all of his emotions. He saw nothing more than a fragile young man, who lost the one thing dearest to him. He could understand how he felt. Watching the man he was more sure now if his son will come back to life soon, Akanishi Jin is the one who could be a good match to him. This grieving...was heartbreaking to see and Jin's tears started to flow down, he was not embarrassed to show them. The crystal clear tears fell onto the paper, bathing Kazuya's words into a seal of understanding.

Jin's shoulder shook as he closed the diary, voice didn't leave his throat and he was just watching it, realizing and digesting everything, acknowledging the fact...how hard it was for Kazuya to accept his cold behavior. How stupid he was all those years. He felt desparate. Why?? WHY didn't he realize it earlier? His coward self. Take every chance you have in life, you can't know until you don't try! Don't let any little chance escape. Don't ever do something in life you can say after: I regret it. What if...
What if...
He told his feelings to Kazuya?
Was it just a test of fate?
To make him realize all the important things? 
Everything was happening for a reason?

"Don't you dare to give faith up, hear me boy?" Jin heard the father and shot his head up, his face was wet from the path of tears and his eyes still reflected his sorrow. "Kazuya is hearing you. The day even you stop to have faith he can't be saved. And once he is back, don't you dare to hurt him, understood? You have to take care of him more than your own life."
Jin just watched the man fighting with his own emotions too. Was he forgiven? Was he accepted?

"I would give my life just to have your son here now instead of me." He said with a determined voice which even surprised the father. This young man was so serious about this and so strong. Stronger than he himself thought that's for sure.
The moment was broken by Yuuya who ran off the stairs, right into Jin's arms, hugging the man with all of his might.

"Only you can bring big brother back! We have the faith in you! Please!" He looked into Jin's eyes with his somewhat desparate ones. "I tried to give the diary to you but they didn't let me in, I am sorry!"

"I saw you there but I couldn't go to you, I am sorry too. And, thank you." He ruffled the hair of the child and smiled. How cute he was. But well, maybe it was better this way. If he read it in front of the others it would be worse. And like this, he knew he was finally accepted. Who cares what the world thinks? Who cares what the blind fans think? The most important was, that the important people around him knew the truth.

Nao and the others arrived too and Jin stayed there for a while, speaking a little with the whole family, feeling part of it. It was such a good feeling but he was hoping for Kazuya to open the door and shout smiling: I am home!

No matter how many times he looked at the door it never happened. Life is not a fairytale? He was the one who knew it the best.
After the meeting with the family he decided to Yamapi, asking him a little favor.

***

Jin didn't trust the hospital staff at all. Tomoko could have friends and Kame could have haters, so he was not calm if he knew noone was there with the boy. He wished it could be him, but with the upcoming concert not many hours later made it impossible.

"It's okay man, of course I will go there!" Pi patted his shoulder, giving Jin a highfive. The two of them were sitting in Yamapi's living room. Jin said everything to Pi, about the Kamenashis, the concert and asked him to be with Kazuya the times he couldn't.

"It's great they accepted you! Kame-chan will be so glad!"  Pi beamed, finally something good happened. There was so much bad and stressful happenings already.

"Yes, It's super, now we have to go and tell him~" Jin smiled wide, already popping up of the sofa.

"Hey, you will have a concert soon, you have no time!" the NewS member panicked, but he already knew the answer.

"I always have time for Kazu~!" Yes, that was what he expected.

"Okay, but then fast, because your ass will be kicked this time really. Be glad you could go unpunished with that song." Pi shook his head, punching Jin's arm friendly.

"Are you jealous because I could write a song in 20 mins?" Jin teased his friend, winking.

"25 and no I am not." The other replied grinning and started to run out. "Who will be there the first, that one will tell Kame-chan the good news!"

"Heyyy!!! _I_ will telllll!!" Jin whined and gave his everything into the running. they both laughed when they reached the car panting, popping into it and headed towards the hospital.

****

"Kazuuuuu~~~~" Jin stormed into the room where Kazuya was lying.

~Jin!~ the Kazuya in the box popped up happily.

"Kame-chaaaaan~~~ Your f---" Yamapi started, but Jin smacked his head.

"Heyyy~!!!" Jin whined. "I said _I_ will tell hiiim!" He puffed his cheek and Yamapi burst out in laughing.

The Kazuya in the box chuckled. They could be so cute sometimes. He wondered what they wanted to tell.

"You father accepted me, accepted us, Kazuuuuu, wake up!" Jin said with a wide smile and Kazuya's heart skipped a beat. So Jin knew it too. Everything started to become allright, it was only he who kept everyone waiting. Why couldn't he still open his eyes?
He waited long enough. Now really... ~I want to wake up so badly!~

"And then Jin shouted to the world he loved you." Pi teased and it made Kazuya blush and earn himself another smack at the head.

"I didn't." Jin said but the grinned. "Yet."

~Oh Jin, don't do anymore reckless thing!~ Kazuya scolded, but he enjoyed the attention very much.

"You will say it today?" Pi smirked.

"Maaaybe~" Jin's tone of voice was amused and teasing.

"But Romeo, you have to go, your concert will begin soon." Pi announced, pointing at the clock on the wall.

"Oooops, you are right, but nee Kazu, I will sing only for you~" Was it naive and impossible to think Kame actually heard his songs? They were not even in one place. With a short kiss on Kame's lips he stood up.

"Be my biggest fan and come to the dressing room congratulating me." He smirked and hoped so much he could see Kame alive and moving again. God, he would give him everything, spoil him, take care of him, giving him the finest life he can.

"You letter I read already, just next time, send it to me really." He said in a soft tone of voice and Kame's heart fileld with hope. Can it be...?

"Thank you for the diary. I love you too." Jin's voice promised so much with only just this one sentence the younger sighed happily. He yearned to tease back, but was unable to. Still... Until when?

"Sappynishi, you will be really late." Yamashita remarked and poked Jin's cheek.

"Okay okay, I go but please...really take care of him." His voice was serious, no longer the joking tone as he used a minute ago. Pi nodded reassuringly.

"You know I will."

Jin walked to the door, opening it but he stopped. Turning around he looked at the room. He scanned it, remembering the first time he saw it. So many time, years passed. When will it be the time he sees it the last time? He looked down, then turned back, opening the door, leaving the sight of his best friend and lover behind, wishing Kame to wake up finally.

****

T-TUN were really worried of Jin, the concert was to begin in 30 minutes but no sign of the A of the band.

"I will call him." Koki panicked, walking back and forth the backstage.

"Calm down Koki, I am sure he---" Ueda started, but he was cut with a panting voice.

"Sorry for being late!"

They looked into the direction of the voice and saw Jin who was obviously running.

"Akanishi!" Koki was relieved, a stone was lifted from his heart. Darn this man, he could always make them so worried but so relived too. Life without Akanishi wouldn't be the same.

"Tell us how it went after, now change your clothes, we will start soon!" Ueda smiled, but seeing Jin's expression he was sure something good happened. It didn't take much time until Jin was ready and hurried to the others, joining them backstage.

"Will you sing that song today again?" Maru asked but the taller shook his head.

"No. Today I will sing something else. Only for him." Jin's soft tone made Koki to tease him. "Oh how sappy."

"Shut up Joker." Jin stick his tongue out.

Ha had calm feelings when the curtains opened and saw the fans. He decided to ignore them. He will just sing from his heart to the one he loved more than anything. After a few songs together, Jin's solo corner arrived. He signaled the band not to play anything and they looked at each other confused of what to do until Ueda waved them to go backstage. Even T-TUN didn't know what Jin will sing. The man could always surprise them lately with the songs he came up with. Will it be a new song too? Everyone waited in full silence and watched as Jin stand in the middle of the stage only one microphone in his hand.

Eyes closed, his expression showed how his mind was somewhere totally else, Jin was already fighting with his tears as he raised the michrophone in front of his mouth. He closed his eyes and imagined himself onto a field of grass, wind let the green carpet dance in the soft wind and Jin was already feeling it. He imagined Kazuya there, as he is laying in the grass sleeping, a smile gracing his lips.

He again had the urge to shout, "I LOVE YOU KAZUYA" but he remained silent, and with slightly trembling lips he started to sing. Eternal...

"love or hate,
they cannot be said in simple words"

How he wished they were easy to say. Easy to express, if it was, Kazuya wouldnt be where he was now, laying in the hospital, and Tomoko wouldnt do things she did. Right? He was not able to express his feelings when the time was right, so he had to pay the price.

'Kazuya...Please...'

He was somewhat calm and he felt warmness in his heart as he imagined the love of his life on the grassfield, but he had the feeling as if Kame was really standing next to him, listening him singing his song.

'I sing it for you...And wait for you to come back to me...and I will be with you, it will be my most special and beautiful day...no matter if you welcome me or not after everything happened, even if you won't remember anything, it doesn't matter. The most important thing will be that you are awake.'

"A special day happening only once in a year
no matter how many times, no matter when,
I want to be in the nearest place"

In the hospital, the Kazuya in the box looked up. He had a heartwarming feeling and heard someone singing. The voice was very distant and he didnt really hear the lyrics, but recognized the voice which made his heart race.

~Jin...~

But...how can he hear Jin singing? The other was not in the room, was he? He felt he was not alone, but it was surely not Jin next to him but Yamapi. Then how?

The Kazuya in the box closed his eyes, concentrating on the soft voice, wishing to hear it a little more.

"Innocent smile,
your gestures 
this all are my treasures"

Jin imagined Kazuya dreaming something good and the smile gracing his lips becoming more noticable. He looked like an angel, an innocent child, so beautiful and pure that Jin felt tears really start to gather in his eyes which were closed to the audience.

"You live smiling,
only just that, makes me warm, makes me
be more kind
you light my future up"

`Kazuya...live...please...open your eyes and show me your smile...I am sorry...I am so sorry for everything that happened. You are the only light for me.'

Jin felt more and more calm, he started to feel Kame's presence sharper than before, but it was still just a gohstly feeling, still not as close as he wanted him to be.

***

Kazuya smiled while his eyes were closed and he started to hear the voice louder as if it came nearer. He felt comfortable, and he could swear he heard Jin whisper his name, to come back and he yearned for it too. He smiled more and imagined he is where Jin is and he prayed silently that when he opens his eyes, he could see Jin. He started to feel wind and that he is laying on ground and as if it was...grass?

Jin was thinking, and he was so grateful to everyone, his mother, his family, and the friends who supported him and Kazuya. Without them he wouldnt have stayed so strong, and they were somewhat like guardian angels. They saved Kazuya's life too and with this his own. They accepted them, they guarded them and Jin was touched and thanked God and fate he had people like them near him and that he has an understanding and caring family. He didnt know how he could return all this kindness, but he hoped they knew this song is for them too.

His tone of voice started to waver a little and hoped this message will reach everyone's heart.

"The warmness received from mother
is wrapped into a big amount of love
and it made me walk forward"

'Thank you mother. I love you. Thanks for your support and acceptance, I promise you I will be strong and wont give up.'

"The lot of kindness of my friends is in my heart,
we are sometimes messed, we sometimes fight, 
but we share this happiness"

`Thank you guys. That you worried for me and protected Kazu. Please keep supporting me...us... from now on too.  No matter what will happen, you are the best!`

Jin remembered the times he was fighting with KAT-TUN just because of a little thing and he greatly regret it. At first he didnt think those guys will be his companions for a life, but now he was sure, no matter where fate leads him, he can count on them and they can count on him.

He remembered Yamapi, who was now sitting next to Kame, protecting him and smiled. Thank you Pi.

And Kazuya... memories flooded Jin and a teardrop slipped from his eye.

"Memories, which I cant count, the number is that much,
will we make memories together from now on too?"

He remembered everything... from the times they were still somewhat children, how they met, how Kazuya was running to the audition and how he thought the younger boy looked so cute. 
Every time Kazuya supported him after he thought the lyric he wrote was bad, how the other always was there for him. Every smile, and he even remembered every fight...which he regret. He was such a child...so stubborn and stupid sometimes. He didnt notice Kazuya always just wanted good for him.
And... the day on the beach...how beautiful the younger was, how he realized Kazuya IS the one. He wished he was not that coward that day, he wished he kissed Kame that time, then none of this would have happened, none of this suffering which still continued and will as long Kame wakes up.  
People have to make desicion in life. The life can change up to what they choose. There are many roads widening in front of us, and if you start to walk on one, you can't turn back to see how the other road would have been and what you would encounter there. You can choose only one. But Jin believed that the many roads are becoming one in the future. That what fate decided will eventually come, no matter which road you take. The happenings on the roads are different but the point you arrive is the same, he had faith in that. And he had faith that this point, in his life will be Kazuya's awakening.
And the road he chose was meant to be chosen...reason. Everything happens with reason.

"For example, if once
i reborn to this world
we all would meet the same way
and I would love you the same way
There are things we have to go throught
but dont lose, no matter what happens
I am by your side"

'Do you hear me Kazuya? I am with you. Always'
Jin felt his voice waver more and more but he couldnt help it. More tears fell from his eyes but he didnt open them. He felt he was in another world.

***

~Jin...~ Kame whispered, eyes still closed and he felt more and more warm. He heard Jin's voice, his promise as if he was there...as if they were in their own world. Kame's body felt light and he felt the wind started to caress his face and he had the urge to smile more. The melody was louder, as if Jin was standing next to him and singing his song which held so much love, sorrow and emotions that Kazuya's heart was beating fast and it filled with so much comfort it never did.

~I am by your side too Jin. I...want to wake up, I want to be by your side! Please God, let me, let me!~
The Kazuya in the box, with eyes still closed, nodded and slowly raised from the grass, opening his eyes very slowly. He looked around and his eyes widened. He saw Jin, standing and singing, tears slipping from his eyes. He had the urge to go to him, to hug him, to never let him go, making the tears vanish from his eyes and flood him with as much warmness Jin's voice flooded him right now.

"For example...if my wish came true
that tears of sadness would never ever 
fall from your eyes again"
Kazuya slowly raised, stood up but didnt look away from Jin even for one second. His eyes were fixated on Jin and he started to take steps toward him.

***

Jin felt Kazuya's presence closer and closer and his heart started to beat faster. As closer he felt Kazuya come as more the faith
that the other will wake up grew in him.

"Could you make magic?"
He sang with wavering voice and exactly this was the sentence Kazuya was thinking of. Miracles happen, right? His place is next to Jin, right? Their fate is to be together after all of this, right? The younger boy kept the faith and still not looking away from Jin's face he reached his trembling hand out and touched Jin's with it.

~Could you...make magic?~

**

Jin's heart skipped a beat as he felt as if Kazuya took his hand. Was it just one second? Or an eternity? Time seemed to stop and he squeezed the hand, wishing from all of his heart Kazuya to come back to this life, to wake up. 
Audience only saw Jin fisting his hand, but for Jin... it was so much more. He felt Kazuya's hand in his and with all his love, he continued to sing his wish.

"To live together with you
with a wonderful smile
proud, with joined hands
walking side by side
I wait for this future"

Kazuya suddenly felt something in Jin's hand and he looked down. He slowly let go of the hand and saw a key in his hand. He didnt need to think much what it belong to as he saw the door he was always seeing, but now with light surrounding it. Strong light. Binding light...

The young man started to go in the direction of the door, heart beating in his throat, as excited and hope-filled as he had never been. He felt it, this will be the time he was waiting for and his future is waiting on the other side of the door.  
He felt the warm light enveloping his body as he put the key into the lock and with a graceful smile on his face and faith in his heart, he slowly tried to unlock it....and he managed. With a click, the door was unlocked and the key slowly disappeared.
With tears of happiness in his eyes and belief in his future he put his hand on the doorknob and pushed it down. He felt the light absorbing him and he closed his eyes again.

~Jin...~

"Thank you for today too"

***

Jin's heart was beating fast as he slowly started to realize where he was as the music died and the fans were cheering and screaming loud. He opened his eyes and looked at the spot he felt Kazuya standing all the time he was singing and smiled.

"Thank you for today too" he whispered and then bowed to the audience.

***

Kame felt his head hurt a little and that his senses are not so sharp anymore. This condition just lasted for some minutes tho and Kazuya started to realize where he was. In the hospital right? His heart was beating in his troath, he was a little afriad...can he open his eyes really? Was the key and light the proof he did it? Is he out of the closed world and is able to respond to everyone? 
Or nothing changed?

He had to be strong. It was really since ages he felt himself like this, so he must be awake...right?
He tried to move his hands and he felt as if he really could. 
Or was it an illusion?

In his thoughts he took a deep breath and slowly tried to open his eyes.
Yamapi noticed the little move of the hands and his heartbeats fastened. He looked at Kazuya with widened eyes, because he saw that not only the hand, Kame's eyelids waver a little too. Hope filled him and in his mind, he urged the younger to be able to open them, to be able to wake up.

He never felt happier than at the moment when the lying man finally broke away out of his cell and  slowly really opened his eyes to the world.

"K...Kame-chan..." He was dazed, his voice wavered, almost choked from emotions. Jin's suffering will end, right? Everything will be allright, won't it?

He was surprised and happy at the same time. 
Kazuya looked around with widened eyes, his vision totally clear and he could jump out of his skin, that happy he was. He managed it!! He finally, after so long managed it! He is awake, he is fine and he...can finally respond. Looking at his side he smiled as he was looking at Pi with a kind expression, chuckling as how surprised the other was. Yamapi... the one who was there for Jin in everything. He was so grateful to him.

"Please..." Kazuya said in a soft tone of voice, looking as beautiful as never. Pleased, happy, excited... he could finally respond to the world, telling what he wanted, moving as he wanted. "Bring me to him..." He finished the sentence with glistening eyes of happiness. He never felt this good before, this excited.
After Yamapi recovered from the shock, he nodded, returning the smile and whispered.

"Welcome back Kame-chan."

***

To be continued

Next: Chapter 23

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