Admitting there is a problem is the first step
I've come to a realization tonight.
I'm too lazy to be vain.
I used to be terribly vain. I wouldn't leave the house without makeup on. The thought of being seen without eyeliner on or a day's growth of hair on my legs would put my stomach in knots. I exercised, dieted, threw up, took drugs, and starved myself to keep the weight off.
But now? Meh.
I just don't care.
I somehow have to reconcile that if only I *could* get myself to start caring again, I'd be the total package.
Blonde hair? check.
Big boobs? I was a D cup at 13. They aren't going anywhere, even if I starved myself down to 100 pounds.
Tall enough to be a model? By most agency standards.
Genius IQ? Oh yes.
Total. Fucking. Package.
Life could be so easy if only I gave two shits about how I look and the work it takes to get there and maintain it once I'm there.
Why don't I care? What happened that made me decide that this route was easier? Because really, it isn't.
So for now, I'm calling it laziness.
Maybe the answer and solution will come to me, maybe it wont.
Either way, I'll get by.
Because even when I'm horribly overweight and rough around the edges, it's still pretty good to be me.