( This. )

Snappy comebacks to stupid questions

Today's question: "What's with the scratches on your leg?" (6 of them, 6" - 7" long, right leg, from where the top of a boot would be to just below the knee)

17.  What scratches?  I don't see any scratches.

16.  You know how pot causes the munchies?  I got really, really stoned and I mistook my leg for an ( Read more... )

Things never come across right online.

He meant it as a play on words in re: my hair.

Now that we've got that out of the way, DAMN, he's fine.

Wonder if he's written back yet?

I got an email from some guy in England with the title ( Read more... )

Oh the weather outside is crappy
and my mood is most unhappy
I've got things to do and places to go
I hate snow, I hate snow, I hate snow.

It doesn't show signs of stopping
and my skull, it feels like popping
Can I get to work - I don't know,
I hate snow, I hate snow I hate snow.

There really is no polite way to ask someone "So, have you gotten that case of genital warts cleared up yet ( Read more... )

Remember the London season of The Real World where the hot Oxford punk guy gave the girl he liked a heart made of barbed wire? That would be sweet. I might consider being someone's valentine if they got me something like that.

Too many years ago today was my friend Dawn's birthday party ( Read more... )

*sings* someone's a convicted felon, someone's a convicted fellllllllllllllllonnnnnnn. Hee. Remember kids, it's not what you do; it's what you are caught doing ( Read more... )

-or ( Read more... )