Came to a realization last night. People think im emotionally fragile, and can't take a lot of the truthes in matters. Just last night i was clued in by someone i was in a relationship with, about their infidelities while with me. Im not bitter, but it hurt just that much more to know that was the only relationship i felt i was in the wrong, ( Read more... )

its set in again. this general apathy, this feeling of slipping into a deeper state of torpor than ever before. I know Im strong enough to fight it [yet again] but the question has arised; do i really want to? I spend all my time trying my best to make everything absolutly perfect for that day, and at times im wondering why? I don't think im ( Read more... )

soon..

before me floats an image, man or shade,
shade more than man, more image than a shade.
for hades' bobbin bound in mummy-cloth
may unwind the winding path;
a mouth that has no moisture and no breath
breathless mouths may summon;
i hail the superhuman;
i call it death in life and life in death.

Summoning is the power to call to your presence beings of the other planes, the Plane of Limbo, Law and Chaos . To do this you must lay down a magic Circle of Summoning and cast the appropriate spells ( Read more... )

so. last night was phenomenal. we went to rosemont for the reschedule of the pledge of allegiance tour. my god. i have never felt more in my element than last night. spikes and leather and chains and whorish makeup. my god. i loved it. im such a conniving bitch, though. the people i went with were lame, i saw a friends ex there, so i asked ( Read more... )

I should have updated sooner, but my own laziness has prevented anything productive on my part. I feel like I can fly. the lifesource of animosity flowing through my veins, a newfound spark of flame to the kinderlings. I want to slash the sky, bright greens and reds bleeding from the clouds in my efforts to unearth utopia. I want people to ( Read more... )

rifled through the trunk; found the box. stacks of old letters, promises of undying need/want, threats of the brokenhearted, and one from kev, in particular, that made me giggle. i've spent the past 6 years imagining all sorts of deaths for him, my favorite involved a series of heated pins shoved into the thin skin of his eyelids, searing into ( Read more... )

I should be happy now; shouldn't i? I keep trying to tell myself i should be. cant close my eyes, afraid to blink and i'll lose it.. i'll lose the plateau i had reached so far to get to. Nagging thoughts allude to the simple statement: "Its like an old house; put a coat of paint on it and it looks so shiny and bright, but on the inside, its the ( Read more... )

para*noia (noun ( Read more... )