(no subject)
Title: Stay
Author: j-chan
Theme: Armageddon #8 13/50
Rating: PG (m/m/m)
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!
Summary: Ryuichi makes a decision, but Suguru begs him to change it. Ties in a bit with Please, God.
Stay
The waiting room was cold and that was the thing that kept returning to my mind. Cold, and white. Why did places like these always have to be white? The uniforms, the walls, the chairs, the pens, the clipboards; everything was always that virginal color. I hated white, even when I was a child I hated the color. It was not bright enough or vibrant enough to suit my tastes.
I glance next to me at the boy sitting there, wondering if he thought the same thing. Wondering if, for once, we shared the same thoughts coursing through our minds. Then again, if it were not for who we were waiting for, we might have never shared the same thoughts. It was slightly disturbing when I thought of it that way, so I stopped thinking. I needed to stop thinking, or else I might just start thinking on why we were here. That was not a good thing to think on, so I decided to think about the upcoming concert. That seemed like a safe place at the moment.
Except, the upcoming concert would mark the second year anniversary of when the three of us started our rocky relationship. Two years ago, my youngest lover met me in the store and, in one of my more stupid moments, I let him indulge in his childhood fantasy of being with me. If it had known at the time he was involved…
That was in the past now, and I had to remember that. I had to remember that things had, in one way or another, worked themselves out. My other lover slowly accepted me into his life, though it took more than a few months. We all had to ease into our own comfort levels, which meant that I had to let my two younger lovers be alone at least one night a week until we were all comfortable. I really did not mind.
Except, I would still get a strange feeling that I still was not accepted in the relationship. Not that I expected to be accepted, but I hated the feeling. Especially right now, when my lover was laying down in a hospital bed fighting for his life. The doctors had lost his pulse three times in the past week and he seemed to just be hanging on now. It was stressful and my mind would not wrap around the fact that I would not make it with my other lover. We were connected by the youngest, and that was it.
Maybe this was a sign. Perhaps I am not supposed to be here as a lover, but instead as a friend. There are times when a person needs to know his place and this is my time I suppose. I am too old, too far into my years that my two lovers will only catch up to me after I die. It was not fair to do this to them.
Without a word, I stood up, my choice made. I would leave this place and let Suguru be alone with his lover. I would let both of them live their life and not worry about an old man slowing them down. They did not deserve that and I refuse to put them through the pain of seeing me get old and dying. I would leave them be and that was it.
At least, that was my plan. I barely got two feet when I felt the back of my shirt pull tight. Turning, I saw a hand attached to my shirt. Following the hand, I found a distressed face staring at me. My decision started to waver on what I wanted to do, but I knew I still had to do it.
“Where are you going?”
The voice was so broken, so lost that I really did not know what to do anymore. “You don’t deserve me moving into your relationship. It isn’t fair to you.”
“Please don’t do this…”
I hesitated, caught between sticking to my decision and sitting back down. Both were tempting, but neither would get me anywhere. “I don’t think-”
“Don’t leave me! Please… I need you.”
My heart broke at that sentence and, before I realized what I was doing, I was sitting down and gathering the young by into my arms. Once his face his my chest, tears started to fall. Not just his tears, but my tears as well. I could not help but cry and try to hold on to some sense of stability. Everything was twisted; messed up in a way that nobody could understand.
“I’m so sorry… I thought-”
“Sakuma Ryuichi! How could you!” His fists hit my chest. “You can’t leave me now… you can’t leave us now! We’re a family and we love each other!” His fists continued to hit me, but I barely felt them. I doubt he was trying hard. “You can’t leave us…”
I kept silent, letting him cry on my chest. Eventually, the doctor came out to tell me that they managed to stabilize ‘Uesugi-san’ and he would soon be moved to another room. We barely heard him, too caught up in staying close to one another without letting go. I still was unsure about the situation now, but I knew that I could not leave. I was needed and I would stay until things were calm.
Then, I decided, then I would leave.
fin.
Author: j-chan
Theme: Armageddon #8 13/50
Rating: PG (m/m/m)
Warnings: slash
Disclaimer: Gravitation and characters mentioned are not property of me, though I wish they were because then Suguru would be in the remixes, damnit!
Summary: Ryuichi makes a decision, but Suguru begs him to change it. Ties in a bit with Please, God.
Stay
The waiting room was cold and that was the thing that kept returning to my mind. Cold, and white. Why did places like these always have to be white? The uniforms, the walls, the chairs, the pens, the clipboards; everything was always that virginal color. I hated white, even when I was a child I hated the color. It was not bright enough or vibrant enough to suit my tastes.
I glance next to me at the boy sitting there, wondering if he thought the same thing. Wondering if, for once, we shared the same thoughts coursing through our minds. Then again, if it were not for who we were waiting for, we might have never shared the same thoughts. It was slightly disturbing when I thought of it that way, so I stopped thinking. I needed to stop thinking, or else I might just start thinking on why we were here. That was not a good thing to think on, so I decided to think about the upcoming concert. That seemed like a safe place at the moment.
Except, the upcoming concert would mark the second year anniversary of when the three of us started our rocky relationship. Two years ago, my youngest lover met me in the store and, in one of my more stupid moments, I let him indulge in his childhood fantasy of being with me. If it had known at the time he was involved…
That was in the past now, and I had to remember that. I had to remember that things had, in one way or another, worked themselves out. My other lover slowly accepted me into his life, though it took more than a few months. We all had to ease into our own comfort levels, which meant that I had to let my two younger lovers be alone at least one night a week until we were all comfortable. I really did not mind.
Except, I would still get a strange feeling that I still was not accepted in the relationship. Not that I expected to be accepted, but I hated the feeling. Especially right now, when my lover was laying down in a hospital bed fighting for his life. The doctors had lost his pulse three times in the past week and he seemed to just be hanging on now. It was stressful and my mind would not wrap around the fact that I would not make it with my other lover. We were connected by the youngest, and that was it.
Maybe this was a sign. Perhaps I am not supposed to be here as a lover, but instead as a friend. There are times when a person needs to know his place and this is my time I suppose. I am too old, too far into my years that my two lovers will only catch up to me after I die. It was not fair to do this to them.
Without a word, I stood up, my choice made. I would leave this place and let Suguru be alone with his lover. I would let both of them live their life and not worry about an old man slowing them down. They did not deserve that and I refuse to put them through the pain of seeing me get old and dying. I would leave them be and that was it.
At least, that was my plan. I barely got two feet when I felt the back of my shirt pull tight. Turning, I saw a hand attached to my shirt. Following the hand, I found a distressed face staring at me. My decision started to waver on what I wanted to do, but I knew I still had to do it.
“Where are you going?”
The voice was so broken, so lost that I really did not know what to do anymore. “You don’t deserve me moving into your relationship. It isn’t fair to you.”
“Please don’t do this…”
I hesitated, caught between sticking to my decision and sitting back down. Both were tempting, but neither would get me anywhere. “I don’t think-”
“Don’t leave me! Please… I need you.”
My heart broke at that sentence and, before I realized what I was doing, I was sitting down and gathering the young by into my arms. Once his face his my chest, tears started to fall. Not just his tears, but my tears as well. I could not help but cry and try to hold on to some sense of stability. Everything was twisted; messed up in a way that nobody could understand.
“I’m so sorry… I thought-”
“Sakuma Ryuichi! How could you!” His fists hit my chest. “You can’t leave me now… you can’t leave us now! We’re a family and we love each other!” His fists continued to hit me, but I barely felt them. I doubt he was trying hard. “You can’t leave us…”
I kept silent, letting him cry on my chest. Eventually, the doctor came out to tell me that they managed to stabilize ‘Uesugi-san’ and he would soon be moved to another room. We barely heard him, too caught up in staying close to one another without letting go. I still was unsure about the situation now, but I knew that I could not leave. I was needed and I would stay until things were calm.
Then, I decided, then I would leave.
fin.