this will probably be the last entry in here
im moving onward and upward. i cant handle shitty people in a shitty town anymore. im sick of saying things and not feeling them. im sick of being ashamed of what i really think. so im not doing it anymore. im not going to sit back and let people watch me put them first and then have them make me a fool. im smart and i dont need that. im tired of feeling like im not good enough and having to pretend to be someone im not. im done being criticized for how i feel, or what i think. im not going to put everyone else first anymore. its time for me to start caring about myself. a lot of things have added up and its finally come to this. can ic all any one of you a real friend? someone who would give up something for me? i dont know anymore. and i dont CARE. im not saying i expected anything, but look at my birthday. i didnt want people to pay for things for me or buy me stuff, but a cake would have been nice. or a card. or maybe a PRE arranged dinner. but all i got were lame excuses. and when it was your birthday, all i wanted to do was make it fun. and memorable. all i remember is being bummed. or maybe for kate to call me and come hang out like she used to. or for alicia to want to talk to me on the phone more than billy. or for pepe not to get bummed when i dont call him but then ignore my texts. or for beau to really talk to me. i want someone to make me feel important. to feel like i am worthy and special. i want someone to call me just to talk. someone to drive to the beach at night and talk to me without me feeling like im being judged. im bummed that ryan is drfiting away cuz i felt like i could talk to him. its partly my fault because i have bailed, but life gets so crazy sometimes. i wish ben had a cell phone so i could text him because i love talking to ben. and im glad that david always finds time in his day to email me. but i want to be a big part of someones life. im not talking about relationships. i want a friend. i want jenn to call me and have girl talk with me. i havent had someone to really talk to since meghan. and maybe ill never have that again, and maybe i will. i want tim to shut his mouth and stop judging me because if he were a friend he wouldn't make assumptions. and even if thats what he thinks he has no reason to be rude. i want people to tell me things and me not have to find out from someone else. i want peter to go back to being the way we used to be. i want to leave. out out out. i want someone to care that i want to leave. actually, forget it. i dont want anything. because that would mean i care what other people think, and truthfully i dont.
and lets hope this starts a war with words
because at least something then will move me
HAHAHAH this was just too ironic
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
March
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody.
and lets hope this starts a war with words
because at least something then will move me
HAHAHAH this was just too ironic
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
March
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody.