(no subject)
im home.
being up at the lake was, mediocre.
nice weather for a few days, but not enough for a nice tan or enough swimming or anythingggg. so i wrote a lot, drew a few things, thought about a lot of things. finished all of my books for english, all thats left is my paper to write. took a lot of pictures. brandon came up and spent time with me a few times, but plans fell through with everyone else (i guess.) . it feels good to be home anyway. im a big fan of sleeping in my own nice warm sheets & blankets.
"the party aint jumping like it used to."
its so nice right now, right here, i feel w o n d e r f u l (like i was lost for a long time and have been found). parents of old friends from my old house are sitting in our kitchen talking to my parents. 'do you remember this, do you remember them?' and i do. i remember everything. and its comforting to hear my memories echoed back to me. less lonely than i have felt in a long time. sometimes im not sure how ive done it year after year, and i know now. im not homeless. home for me is feeling this; how small this world is. running into people i know everywhere. friends all over. it makes me feel powerful, like i dont need this year, this town, this house, these worries on my shoulders. listening to them talk is realizing some people love me to the core. because they get it, and for the first time since ive moved here this is being around people who arent missing something. and i love it.
also they're talking about being in love and getting married. its weird for me sitting here listening to them i guess. my parents and my friends parents both were highschool sweethearts (they were all friends in highschool) and got married early. im listening to them talking about walking out on eachother, and running away, and wondering if they were with the right one. and it makes me feel safe and normal. like everything that me and brandon have gone through is okay. like we're not as fucked up as it looks like we are if you look back. abusing alcohol, moving out on wedding days, feeling terrible about who they are. life is just one big mess of feelings. im so happy lately that we both decided to stick around for it. growing up is terrible, sometimes i wish i was five again.
. from jumbled thoughts in my head to scratches on paper things are just getting contorted lately. i feel very inside myself as of late.
ps; got my school supply shopping done already. and I HATE people living at my house for the weekend. i hate sharing.
being up at the lake was, mediocre.
nice weather for a few days, but not enough for a nice tan or enough swimming or anythingggg. so i wrote a lot, drew a few things, thought about a lot of things. finished all of my books for english, all thats left is my paper to write. took a lot of pictures. brandon came up and spent time with me a few times, but plans fell through with everyone else (i guess.) . it feels good to be home anyway. im a big fan of sleeping in my own nice warm sheets & blankets.
"the party aint jumping like it used to."
its so nice right now, right here, i feel w o n d e r f u l (like i was lost for a long time and have been found). parents of old friends from my old house are sitting in our kitchen talking to my parents. 'do you remember this, do you remember them?' and i do. i remember everything. and its comforting to hear my memories echoed back to me. less lonely than i have felt in a long time. sometimes im not sure how ive done it year after year, and i know now. im not homeless. home for me is feeling this; how small this world is. running into people i know everywhere. friends all over. it makes me feel powerful, like i dont need this year, this town, this house, these worries on my shoulders. listening to them talk is realizing some people love me to the core. because they get it, and for the first time since ive moved here this is being around people who arent missing something. and i love it.
also they're talking about being in love and getting married. its weird for me sitting here listening to them i guess. my parents and my friends parents both were highschool sweethearts (they were all friends in highschool) and got married early. im listening to them talking about walking out on eachother, and running away, and wondering if they were with the right one. and it makes me feel safe and normal. like everything that me and brandon have gone through is okay. like we're not as fucked up as it looks like we are if you look back. abusing alcohol, moving out on wedding days, feeling terrible about who they are. life is just one big mess of feelings. im so happy lately that we both decided to stick around for it. growing up is terrible, sometimes i wish i was five again.
. from jumbled thoughts in my head to scratches on paper things are just getting contorted lately. i feel very inside myself as of late.
ps; got my school supply shopping done already. and I HATE people living at my house for the weekend. i hate sharing.