just the same old bitchy rant x-posted

[_______overkill]

38 days and counting. thank god! i'm sorry but this has been the most painful and challenging thing i have ever had to go through and i can just not wait to get my body back. i feel so not sexy i'm constantly tired, i can barely breath half the time i just feel like a whale. im so stressed b.c the nursery isn't finished yet and im starting to get shit from my parents, "well how long do you plan on staying" "i have to change my entire office room around for this" "are you saving enough money to move out" "have you thought about when your going to move out" its like are you serious i really do not need this right now you took me in knowing all that you know now and now the closer i get to having this baby you seem like you wanna kick me out. like i dont have enough to deal with my work stressing me out b.c im the only one who is actually working and not talking on my cell phone, reading the paper for 4 hours, or playing solitare all day, NOT TO MENTION the babies daddy still doesn't have a job yet so the soul provider for our little family is me. i really dont need this. i'm loosing my mind. my blood sugar has been going crazy for the past week and a half and that has me worried, god only knows what my blood pressure looks like. i've had the ultrasound people cancel on me twice at the last minute after i stressed that b.c of work they can't do that. i mean its only fair that if i have to give you 24 hour notice that i am canceling my appointment that should have to do the same for me. i was supposed to be on the NON-Stress text list weeks ago but they never booked me so now i have to take the only appointment available and apparently thats at 7:30 so from only being able to get like 3-4 hours a sleep anyway now every wednesday i'll prolly only get two b.c they said i have to come in the same time same day for the duration of my pregnancy. i've been crying so much and i feel so incredibly bad b.c i feel like i'm hurting the baby some way. i know stress isn't good for him so im sure me constantly crying and worrying and whatnot isn't good either. i feel like the whole world is on my shoulders and theres no relief pitcher to take me outa the game. (as if that statement makes any sense)

i hope everything will be different when the baby comes. i'm not religious but i will pray that things change for the better.