(no subject)
SOOOOOO I've only been awake for 28 minutes and it finally fucking hit me- most everyone is fucking FAKE. I don't know what made me feel that way, besides always feeling it in some manner and Now I finally realize it more than ever that nothing anyone says anymore isnt completely true. you say "i miss you" THE FUCK YO DO (that's not directed to ashlie taylor for never calling, it's just me venting, many would agree with me). you say "im happy for you" THE FUCK YOU ARE. You're just looking for a way to get more comments on your ELJAY OR MySpAcE LyKe WWtF! ugh, I hate livejournal, I hate myspace, but as hypocritical as we all "know" that I am, you can figure that I won't delete either of them.. ever. I've had mine for what?, 8 months now, & I finally wrote shit on it.
all I know is that people sit there & say things to you like they care, and then turn around & completely bullshit you. I admit it, I DO IT TOO. POINT BLANK. I've done it ever since AUGUST 2003! when my dumbass transfered to Dixie; which, might i add, was a HUGE mistake. I should have never transfered to that school. Yah, I made some amazing friends, but of all the friends I've made, I only talk to a few of them. Jayson was my best friend there, & now we hate one another. I'm not sorry for it, because everything happens for a reason. but I feel silly letting it go down so horribly, just because I said how I felt in a rude manner. I can honestly say that I regret going to that school & leaving st. pete high.. because I left Ashly there, my greatest friend ever!, and some old friends that I wish I still talked to.. & now I don't see Ashly ever because of 7 1/2 hrs between us. & those other kids, well fuck em now, It's not important.
I think that I am so fake myself, because I go thru the days out & about acting so happy, like nothing is wrong. BUT when I get home it's planning the best way to get the fuck out of dodge & into an apartment in pensacola. Should I go before school? or after? or during? wtf. should I get a new car for the journey? or could mine make it.. all these ridiculous things, yet I don't care how anyone down here feels about it. I only care about myself & leaving this depressing place. It's not a fun ride anymore, a cool place to live. It's not about getting fucked up all the time anymore & hoping to feel better until tomorrow morning hits because then you just gotta do it again. My heart isn't in it anymore, I'm sorry...
I care about everyone that I spend my days with down here, but unfortunately, Im letting my moms philosophy get the better of me.. "be selfish". She always knew the right things to say. I am being selfish. I'm 18 years old, the only journey I've had so far is a week in the place my heart resides. I'm out of a job, out of school, our of my fucking mind. I spend my nights looking for ways to get fucked up.
---- going back & reading this, I guess you can say that I make no sense.
but one more thing I can admit to be faking about, is saying things on myspace in little comments about missing people; let me tell ya, I probably don't.
all I know is that people sit there & say things to you like they care, and then turn around & completely bullshit you. I admit it, I DO IT TOO. POINT BLANK. I've done it ever since AUGUST 2003! when my dumbass transfered to Dixie; which, might i add, was a HUGE mistake. I should have never transfered to that school. Yah, I made some amazing friends, but of all the friends I've made, I only talk to a few of them. Jayson was my best friend there, & now we hate one another. I'm not sorry for it, because everything happens for a reason. but I feel silly letting it go down so horribly, just because I said how I felt in a rude manner. I can honestly say that I regret going to that school & leaving st. pete high.. because I left Ashly there, my greatest friend ever!, and some old friends that I wish I still talked to.. & now I don't see Ashly ever because of 7 1/2 hrs between us. & those other kids, well fuck em now, It's not important.
I think that I am so fake myself, because I go thru the days out & about acting so happy, like nothing is wrong. BUT when I get home it's planning the best way to get the fuck out of dodge & into an apartment in pensacola. Should I go before school? or after? or during? wtf. should I get a new car for the journey? or could mine make it.. all these ridiculous things, yet I don't care how anyone down here feels about it. I only care about myself & leaving this depressing place. It's not a fun ride anymore, a cool place to live. It's not about getting fucked up all the time anymore & hoping to feel better until tomorrow morning hits because then you just gotta do it again. My heart isn't in it anymore, I'm sorry...
I care about everyone that I spend my days with down here, but unfortunately, Im letting my moms philosophy get the better of me.. "be selfish". She always knew the right things to say. I am being selfish. I'm 18 years old, the only journey I've had so far is a week in the place my heart resides. I'm out of a job, out of school, our of my fucking mind. I spend my nights looking for ways to get fucked up.
---- going back & reading this, I guess you can say that I make no sense.
but one more thing I can admit to be faking about, is saying things on myspace in little comments about missing people; let me tell ya, I probably don't.