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Mar 17, 2005 21:04

It's been a long while since i updated ( Read more... )

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30_dialogues March 17 2005, 20:32:24 UTC
i've stopped writing a lot lately too. i feel really guilty and unproductive.
in my notebook that is, not livejournal.

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____facade March 18 2005, 16:07:34 UTC
the worst part of all, maybe, is having nothing to say

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30_dialogues March 18 2005, 18:26:46 UTC
i agree

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br0ken_sentence March 24 2005, 19:08:42 UTC
once you get used to it, it seems so simple to fall into the same patterns of just going through everything, day to day, doing nothing out of the ordinary. sometimes it's a break from the pressure of having to be something for someone else - like you need to do something to keep them interested. but getting to detached will make it difficult for you to, if you decide to later, go back to being with people the way you used to. this may be completely different, but for a while i was sick of the same routine, i was sick of everyone around me and the person i was becoming because of them - so i dyed my hair pink. it really didnt have anything to do with anything, but it was different, it was new, i liked it, and i didnt feel like everything was dull and every day was melting and becoming one big blob of shittiness.

the end. sorry, im the queen of insanely long comments.

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____facade March 25 2005, 18:49:34 UTC
hahaha i don't think it would work if i dyed my hair pink :-/

you're right about the monotony, though. It's hard because any measurable leap towards self improvement- intellectually, physically, or socially - i think necessarily implies some amount of structure, and with that structure blandness. Living unexpectedly also means living inefficiently and there's simply not enough to waste. Goethe comes to mind..."When you ask me what the people ehre aer like, I must answer: Like people everywhere! There is a certain monotony about mankind. Most people toil during the greater part of their lives in order to live, and the slender span of free time that remains worries them so much that they tru by every means to get rid of it. O Destiny of man!". But he's a romantic, so that's exaggerated.

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br0ken_sentence March 25 2005, 19:21:53 UTC
piercings? tattoos? ANYTHING!?

it's something a lot of people decide to "stay in between" about, not really choosing to do something to change themselves and really think about what'll happen later but also not completely disregarding the world around them - you can choose to not look at the future, live in the moment and so on, which means you cant feel real disappointment at situations not turning out the way you imagined. then again, that can ruin relationships, friendships, anything, when someone comes along who wants to plan on having something lasting with you. but some wonder whether being numb, only worrying about now, is worth not having to feel like you didnt get what you wanted later. ehh .. it sort of reminds me of buddhism - overcome desire, eliminate pain and suffering.

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____facade March 26 2005, 10:36:57 UTC
i was thinking about getting a few lines from goethe's 'faust' tattooed on my back, but i don't know if i will.
Something along the lines of...
'feeling is all
Names are but smoke and fume
befogging heaven's blaze'
there's a few more lines, but i'm not sure if i'll have the balls to do that

Except the buddha would say a total elimination of desire would bring about infinite bliss, not numbness. I may try Buddhism once i'm a bit older,

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