so yesterday my roommate had a great day and needed to celebrate; i had a bad day and needed to cheer up. so she made cake and we watched every episode of this season's dancing with the stars. normally, i'm not one to watch this sort of show, but it was on and we watched seven episodes. we decided to make a drinking game of it.

dancing with the ( Read more... )

dear ____,

after all of this time, you're still around. not that i'm opposed to it, but why? there is a lot about you i don't and will never understand. don't worry, i'm not thinking that anything will ever come of this, i don't know that i would want that really. i'm just curious.

always,
alysia

i just want to make somebody happy because they are with me. slowly, this has become a rather overwhelming desire. recognizing that i can be in a relationship and that sabotaging isn't necessary is scaring me a bit. does this mean i'm growing up or i'm growing silly?

just called the cops because someone was screaming bloody murder "someone call the police" and someone else yelled "shut the fuck up mother fuckin bitch." i live in flagstaff, not fucking compton. i have to get out of this apartment.

i have this problem where the second the boy i like does the tiniest thing wrong, even if he isn't doing it on purpose, i line up the back ups so that i don't have to feel total rejection. it's stupid. this is how i sabotage. how do you stop a compulsion?

today's horoscope:

it's all good on both sides of that romantic candlelit table. don't be afraid to bring up the topic of what tomorrow might bring. you're on the same page, so if you're with someone and it all feels right, don't worry. the stars have arranged for romance, permanence and all good things.

this both terrifies and calms me. permanence ( Read more... )

i'm 21. i don't really care.
i want to make art everyday for the rest of my life.
i have to make a decision that will affect the next few years of my life.
i'm boy lonely and i hate feeling like that;
not because it's lonely, but because it makes me feel like
i need a boy and i don't. i just want one.
i'm hungry.

i disgust me.

i will do something i have never done before. something i have always wanted to do.

plans for 2010:
get my fucking tonsils out!
be happy.
feel pretty.