I have never experienced this ferocity within myself. It stupifies and mesmerizes.

I wake up feeling safe in your arms.
I don't feel dizzy anymore.
love found me when I was not expecting it.
Love has helped me to believe.

Me. I, full of grace. Whole. Holy.

"she's dizzy again." they whisper through clenched teeth,
and i hear them, i've always heard them, i just keep pretending
not to notice the darting glances, their blinking concern

one time, i tried, explaining through intervals of scratching,
of coughing up blood and hugging my ribs, i told them,

"he and i are now a desensititized mass of beginnings and ( Read more... )

everything melted away on those rooftops, liquified
and we were floating on, barely noticing, too enthralled
with half-thought out theories. with vodka kises.

rush of electricity like lines running through my thin-skin
each time we'd stare each other down, silently
daring the other to look away, to break away
ruin this perfection shared with cheep beers
( Read more... )

he said, "i'm not trying to be rude, but i don't think you know what love is.  i'm not speaking in code. keep your head up."

i said, "even if i'm mistaken, and this isn't love, at least i'm not afraid of it.  i'm not speaking in code. i'd love to keep my head up, were it not already fully submerged."

last night i had a dream about you again.

im trying to open up again.jump into the deep end once more, let it fill up my lungs and nostrils and ears.
im scared constantly. i cling onto my sides and dig my heels in the ground.
i want it so badly it makes me sick, it causes the foggy eyes and vomit and sharp pains in my chest.
i want him it so badly it ( Read more... )

and you smirk and my smirnoff overtures; my hands and your hands entertwined
never have i had to chase like this, dizzying, unaware of the outcome
but i felt it on day one, blue eyes cursing me again between your callused hands on the guitar strings
a gaze met and not broken away so easily, causing my nerves set ablaze

i felt it again, hidden in that ( Read more... )

i didn't know i would feel emptier.
i didn't know i would feel drained.
i didn't know i would feel this shame for feeling so much for you.

i know you don't want this; i don't want it either. it creeps up on you when you least expect it.  all i have left is some leftover wine and whiskey; some red bruises of passion on my neck and a beautiful soreness ( Read more... )

parasite, parasitic, fake fake fake.
california is calling to us, and the three of us will answer that call.  the only people in the world i really have faith in are my two best friends. i know we can do this.  i know we have to do this.
it's so strange to have finally let go. love will still squeeze my heart tight when i see him, but it's a nice ( Read more... )

if you really knew what goes on behind this lie, what kind words would you mumble?
would you still hold me, desperately, or would you fuck me and lock me out of the house?
the tarots told me to look out.  an attack is underway, and i am free of any sorts of protectional weaponry.
i crave the scent of late springtime and honeysuckle and his sweat all ( Read more... )