Back! With a vengeance...
This is awkward. Very long time not posting anything.. A lot has happened.
Well, I've come full circle. Spent all my time, energy, and emotion on what I thought was my future. Believe me, I didn't just decide to feel that way. He gave me every reason to feel that that was where our relationship was heading. He proposed to me numerous times. Unfortunately, lack of decisiveness and action on his part resulted in us continuing to live separately. Therefore, can't get married. Since those times, he has held it over my head. In his mind, "we can't til we get a place" means "no". ...? Apparently. I'm also supposed to trust him unconditionally despite all the reasons he's given me not to. Other women, behind my back. The whole time. Now it's boiled down to him admitting he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. I can answer that for him. Shit. That's easy. He wants have his cake and eat it too. Oh. And I'm a paranoid, psychotic bitch. And it has nothing to do with the various emails, text messages, and lies that have been constant throughout our time together. Now,if you fuck up once, and you feel remorse for it, don't you, ya know, not ever do it again? And if you do it again, and supposedly feel remorse for it again, and have the whole "Trust" conversation .. "you've broken my trust." 'I know, and I'll do whatever I have to to get it back because I love you/you're my world/I want to marry you/BLAH!" ... do you... fuck up some more? Of course you do, if you're this guy, because "it's in the past, it doesn't matter". So it's fair game to keep playing the woman who has given you her everything, made a promise, made a commitment and stuck to it. But her actions prior to said relationship are a deal breaker nearly 3 years in. Bravo. Oh. And the ONE unintentional, and quite stupid, mistake she made during, is so devastating. How about the dozens of INTENTIONAL actions of his? "They don't matter, they're in the past". What perplexes me is people's ability to deny any wrongdoing on their end when they are indisputably the root of all of the shit. Whatever. I was a loving, devoted, giving, amazing fucking girlfriend, despite the shit. The bitch only came out to play when I was being hurt or wronged and even then, only after civil conversation had become useless. And that is the honest truth, to the bone.. He needs time. Time for what. To get his dick wet? Hope he enjoys paying child support for his little bastard children while trying to afford his HIV meds. I certainly hope the dumb little cunt I'm pretty sure he left me for shows him what true misery and pain feels like when you're the one receiving the shit.
Ohheyy.. there she is. The bitch is back. :)
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.