A pathetic attempt to write poetry, it sounds a lot like generic teenage poetry to me... not to sure about the title. i dont know if i like the ending but i tried
uh, interesting..and now time for the master poetry criticalizationalist's (def. not a word) comments
the first part reminds me of deb's pro with the whole writing names on foggy windows
overall i like it, kind of, except the whole cutting thing is getting old, unless the person actually does it, in which case i'd feel bad, but you don't (?) ::prays::
And this moment right now reminds me of the time when I took a dull blade And wrote your name on the soft, skin canvas And watched it bleed I wouldn’t let it disappear No matter how much it hurt <-- this i like a lot
You suck, I hate you, I bled, I hate me <-- these parts i don't
Yeah i guess the whole cutting thing is just an easy thing to write about. I think i put those random 4 lines inbetween because i thought i needed a transition from each larger verse. i wont do that next time... now i know. Lala thanks.
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the first part reminds me of deb's pro with the whole writing names on foggy windows
overall i like it, kind of, except the whole cutting thing is getting old, unless the person actually does it, in which case i'd feel bad, but you don't (?) ::prays::
And this moment right now reminds me of the time when
I took a dull blade
And wrote your name on the soft, skin canvas
And watched it bleed
I wouldn’t let it disappear
No matter how much it hurt <-- this i like a lot
You suck,
I hate you,
I bled,
I hate me <-- these parts i don't
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The Golden Rule of poetry, I swear, I'l take it to the grave:
"Show me, dont tell me"
I'm sure everything sucks, I'm sure your hurt, but dont tell me, show me, let me guess and make assumptions.
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