New Member and a New Story!
Hello everyone, my name is Megan Lockheart and I am new both to this community and Livejournal and I am looking forward to making friends with some new and exciting people.
As my first post I bring you this story!
Title: Of Elves and Men
Rating: Pg-13
Summer: A quest for vengeance for a young elf in a world ruled by men!
meganlockheart.livejournal.com/ ( Read more... )
As my first post I bring you this story!
Title: Of Elves and Men
Rating: Pg-13
Summer: A quest for vengeance for a young elf in a world ruled by men!
meganlockheart.livejournal.com/ ( Read more... )
Comments 2
In the future, could you please post your chapters, when they are just links to your journal, in one entry rather than five? It made me think you were a spam bot. :P
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Leerick leaned against the stone wall, his breathing fast and quick with excitement. The memory of his family’s death rushed through his head as he stared at the double wooden doors. His mother was hanging up the linen when six thieves came out of the bushes and killed her. His father, who was trying to fight them before his wife was killed, lost his head to the thieves. Leerick’s sister, Meloney, only thirteen, tried to run to safety but a skilled archer ended her escape with an arrow in the back. He wished he could have been there and not out hunting for the family.
How does Leerick have the memory of his family's death? He wasn't there - how can he have a memory of what happened? Perhaps you should change the wording so that he is picturing or imagining his family's death. If this is some kind of crazy elf-magic, make sure you explain it properly later on, rather than just leaving it hanging.
His raven black hair
:'( Please never say raven black hair. I'm sure you can come up with a better metaphor.
He ( ... )
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