i'm glad i crashed the wedding
This Week's Theme:
...that I fall in "love" a little too quickly sometimes. I tend to fall head over heels for guys and then fall back out of "love" just as fast. But this past summer was different.
Meet Joe:
Joe is in a band with his brother, Paul. They have a web following of sorts, and so they decided to go on tour over the summer. They drove all over the country in their van and just played wherever people wanted them. My friends and I had emailed them and asked them to do a show in our town, and so on July 5th, they came and played in the ampitheater in the park. We talked with them, had dinner with them, and just kind of hung out. Joe and I talked for a little while, and he had a lot of the same thoughts and interests as I did, so we got along pretty well. While we sort of got to know each other, I think something inside me clicked, but I didn't realize it yet. It took his leaving the next morning and the typical kind of "girl-talk" between my friends and I to realize that I kind of liked him. That was just the tip of the iceburg.
Girls will be girls. My friends and I analyzed all sorts of silly things, from what he said to his body language, and somewhere along the way we decided to go to another show about three hours north of where we lived. Once again, we talked and had dinner after their show, and he sat next to me. I was so self-conscious and I kept glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, but he kept looking down at his plate or across the table at his brother. Our knees touched a few times and I still don't know if it was on purpose or not, but I felt like I could hardly breathe.
After I was home, I realized just how much I was starting to feel for this stranger from Boston. I also thought about how weird it was, that I had only really known the guy for two days, and I was still feeling that way. I wrote him a letter, thinking that I would probably never give it to him but making it as vague as possible just in case.
After agonizing with parents and making a bunch of plans, my best friends and I went to one last show a few hours south of our hometown. He seemed startled to see us there, but also really pleased. I think our gazes just kept missing each other, because we couldn't seem to connect that night. As we were leaving, I felt the letter in my purse and reluctantly handed it over to my friend, who insisted that we weren't going to leave until the letter was in his hands. So she ran back and gave it to him, and though I didn't want it to be, I thought that would be the end of it.
Two weeks later, school had started and my mind was a little distracted from thinking about him. I was still hoping for a letter, but didn't really expect one (if that makes sense). But then, one Friday, I was flipping through the college letters and bills when a messy, handwritten return address caught my eye. It was from him, and it was without a doubt, the best letter I had received. This letter, however, meant a whole new level of anaylsis. I asked my guy friends. I asked vague acquaintances. I asked everyone what they thought it could mean. No matter what it really meant, the letter gave me some kind of stupid hope, just like things of that nature always do. I wrote him back and sent it off, waiting even more anxiously for some kind of reply.
It never came. I emailed him, making sure he had gotten it. He emailed back, confirming that he had. He also mentioned that he had written a response, but hadn't finished it yet. This gave me new hope, and I waited patiently for two months without seeing a single letter. I just assumed he was busy. It's been six months since I sent the letter off, and I finally had to accept that he wasn't going to write back.
I don't think I'm conveying it very well, even with so many words, but he made me feel something that I don't remember ever feeling before. It's stupid and it makes me sound like some kind of obsessive nutcase, but it's not like that at all. He really made me feel something for these past seven months, and I don't think I will ever be able to stop feeling just...something for him. Maybe I'm not supposed to. I don't know. It's hard- and painful- to go along convincing yourself and building up hopes only to have to force yourself to realize that not everything can be turned into the fairytale happy ending.
That felt good. I don't think I've actually ever put it all out there in so many words. Thanks for reading, if you got all the way to the end. ♥
"Nothing ruins a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like unrequited love."- Charlie Brown
...that I fall in "love" a little too quickly sometimes. I tend to fall head over heels for guys and then fall back out of "love" just as fast. But this past summer was different.
Meet Joe:
Joe is in a band with his brother, Paul. They have a web following of sorts, and so they decided to go on tour over the summer. They drove all over the country in their van and just played wherever people wanted them. My friends and I had emailed them and asked them to do a show in our town, and so on July 5th, they came and played in the ampitheater in the park. We talked with them, had dinner with them, and just kind of hung out. Joe and I talked for a little while, and he had a lot of the same thoughts and interests as I did, so we got along pretty well. While we sort of got to know each other, I think something inside me clicked, but I didn't realize it yet. It took his leaving the next morning and the typical kind of "girl-talk" between my friends and I to realize that I kind of liked him. That was just the tip of the iceburg.
Girls will be girls. My friends and I analyzed all sorts of silly things, from what he said to his body language, and somewhere along the way we decided to go to another show about three hours north of where we lived. Once again, we talked and had dinner after their show, and he sat next to me. I was so self-conscious and I kept glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, but he kept looking down at his plate or across the table at his brother. Our knees touched a few times and I still don't know if it was on purpose or not, but I felt like I could hardly breathe.
After I was home, I realized just how much I was starting to feel for this stranger from Boston. I also thought about how weird it was, that I had only really known the guy for two days, and I was still feeling that way. I wrote him a letter, thinking that I would probably never give it to him but making it as vague as possible just in case.
After agonizing with parents and making a bunch of plans, my best friends and I went to one last show a few hours south of our hometown. He seemed startled to see us there, but also really pleased. I think our gazes just kept missing each other, because we couldn't seem to connect that night. As we were leaving, I felt the letter in my purse and reluctantly handed it over to my friend, who insisted that we weren't going to leave until the letter was in his hands. So she ran back and gave it to him, and though I didn't want it to be, I thought that would be the end of it.
Two weeks later, school had started and my mind was a little distracted from thinking about him. I was still hoping for a letter, but didn't really expect one (if that makes sense). But then, one Friday, I was flipping through the college letters and bills when a messy, handwritten return address caught my eye. It was from him, and it was without a doubt, the best letter I had received. This letter, however, meant a whole new level of anaylsis. I asked my guy friends. I asked vague acquaintances. I asked everyone what they thought it could mean. No matter what it really meant, the letter gave me some kind of stupid hope, just like things of that nature always do. I wrote him back and sent it off, waiting even more anxiously for some kind of reply.
It never came. I emailed him, making sure he had gotten it. He emailed back, confirming that he had. He also mentioned that he had written a response, but hadn't finished it yet. This gave me new hope, and I waited patiently for two months without seeing a single letter. I just assumed he was busy. It's been six months since I sent the letter off, and I finally had to accept that he wasn't going to write back.
I don't think I'm conveying it very well, even with so many words, but he made me feel something that I don't remember ever feeling before. It's stupid and it makes me sound like some kind of obsessive nutcase, but it's not like that at all. He really made me feel something for these past seven months, and I don't think I will ever be able to stop feeling just...something for him. Maybe I'm not supposed to. I don't know. It's hard- and painful- to go along convincing yourself and building up hopes only to have to force yourself to realize that not everything can be turned into the fairytale happy ending.
That felt good. I don't think I've actually ever put it all out there in so many words. Thanks for reading, if you got all the way to the end. ♥
"Nothing ruins a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like unrequited love."- Charlie Brown