Forget this.
I'm tired of fightin'. Thought it'd help a little, but I'm an even bigger mess.
I want Millia back. I need her back. But I had to go and fuck it all up, didn't I? It makes me feel like... His death was all my fault. But it wasn't. I know it wasn't. But when I feel as shitty as I do now, I think it was my fault.
It's times like these when I would turn to drugs. Every fucking moment of my so-called fucking 'life' was a depressing shithole, so instead of growing some sense I let myself get controlled by the Mafia and became their pet drug trafficker. So when I became useless, they dumped me and I was replaced.
The more I think about it, I don't think I really deserved the chance Tsuyoshi-shishou gave me. But the more I think that, the more I feel like I'm only saying that he wasted his time. I don't want that. I want to be the best. I want to be the strongest. I want to fucking kill just to make his time with me worth while.
But that blinds the fact that I also want to do it right. Being an asshole is like an addiction-- It feels good just gettin' in faces at the time, but I hate it. Yeah, I do regret the things I say, from time to time, even if it is the gut-truth.
I'm trying to help out. I'm trying to be a good guy. I avenged Shishou, I helped Miss Bartholomew, I fell in love.
But in the long run, it wasn't enough.
What would Shishou say to me if he could see me, right now? Pro'lly something like, You've outdone yourself, Chipp, or, I'm proud of you, Chipp.
But it's something I want to hear. That I need to hear from him. Because without him...
I'm completely. Fucking. Lost.
Yeesh. That was shitty.
So. Anyone else voting for me?
I want Millia back. I need her back. But I had to go and fuck it all up, didn't I? It makes me feel like... His death was all my fault. But it wasn't. I know it wasn't. But when I feel as shitty as I do now, I think it was my fault.
It's times like these when I would turn to drugs. Every fucking moment of my so-called fucking 'life' was a depressing shithole, so instead of growing some sense I let myself get controlled by the Mafia and became their pet drug trafficker. So when I became useless, they dumped me and I was replaced.
The more I think about it, I don't think I really deserved the chance Tsuyoshi-shishou gave me. But the more I think that, the more I feel like I'm only saying that he wasted his time. I don't want that. I want to be the best. I want to be the strongest. I want to fucking kill just to make his time with me worth while.
But that blinds the fact that I also want to do it right. Being an asshole is like an addiction-- It feels good just gettin' in faces at the time, but I hate it. Yeah, I do regret the things I say, from time to time, even if it is the gut-truth.
I'm trying to help out. I'm trying to be a good guy. I avenged Shishou, I helped Miss Bartholomew, I fell in love.
But in the long run, it wasn't enough.
What would Shishou say to me if he could see me, right now? Pro'lly something like, You've outdone yourself, Chipp, or, I'm proud of you, Chipp.
But it's something I want to hear. That I need to hear from him. Because without him...
I'm completely. Fucking. Lost.
Yeesh. That was shitty.
So. Anyone else voting for me?