I was picked up and then dropped off in a culture counter-clockwise turned around.
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?
Running with scissors wasn't smart
I tripped and cut open your heart
I didn't mean to, but I seem to
Have pushed us back to the start
In the wake of my mistake
I felt your voice starting to shake
The timing couldn't have been worse
For me to be this far away
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?
Traveled the world under your spell
Cast on me in a motel
It turned my rain clouds in to rainbows
But I couldn't even tell
As days apart turned in to weeks
My memory played hide and seek
While I was playing show n' tell
I took your trust and set it free
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?
Running with scissors wasn't smart
I tripped and cut open your heart
I didn't mean to, but I seem to
Have pushed us back to the start
In the wake of my mistake
I felt your voice starting to shake
The timing couldn't have been worse
For me to be this far away
---
Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
Oh, Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
I don't wanna wait anymore
Wake up cinnamon
They can't get in and that's them at the door,
Cuz checkout time is noon and pretty soon it's a quarter to four
I don't wanna wait anymore
Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
Oh, Wash you dirty mouth,
cuz you taste like you're already gone
Small town girls and boys make too much noise so I keep to myself
But acting tough is rough - enough is enough - I feel like hell
Tied up in London, you came undone with a two handed tug
With pieces of a phone, thrown at the door, spread out on the rug
I don't wanna wait anymore
Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
Oh, Wash your dirty mouth
cuz you taste like you're already gone
Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
Oh, Wash your dirty mouth
cuz you taste like you're already gone
I gotta say I cannot wait
Not even one more night or day
Why don't you fly and get away
And end this awful holiday
Come and play, come and stay, and end this awful holiday
I gotta say I cannot wait
Not even one more night or day
Why don't you fly and get away and end this awful holiday
(I dont wanna wait anymore)
Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
Oh, Wash your dirty mouth
cuz you taste like you're already gone
Wash your dirty mouth
Your dirty mouth
Watch your little mouth
Oh, Wash your dirty mouth
cuz you taste like you're already gone
And Hot Hot Heat in general.
---
So yesterday Tasha and I finished our Snow White story, which is here.
Snow White
By Cleo Patra and Theresa Green
(aka Tasha Loftus and Hayley Charlesworth)
NOTE: Please do not steal kthnx.
"Evil Stepmother, you have been evicted. Please leave the Big Brother house."
"Alright bitch! Tough shit, innit?" said Chavvy, a fellow contestant.
Evil Stepmother walked briskly up to Snow White and slapped her across the face and spat, "It should have been you!"
As Junky looked on in drug-induced bewilderment, Snow White broke down into emo tears, slit her wrists, pushed up her thick-rimmed scene glasses and cried "Fine Evil Stepmother! I will die if you wish! Watch my black blood flow like wine!"
Of course, all Junky could see was a multi-coloured elephant dancing with a banana shaped Mars Bar.
Evil Stepmother was thrown out of the door by Douchebag as Bitchy watched in amusement. "Good riddance!" they proclaimed before dancing a Scottish jig.
"TV, TV, near the wall, who's the greatest Big Brother contestant of them all?"
The face of Trevor McDonald appeared on-screen, and he said "Why, Snow White of course, you ugly bitch!"
"Oh gosh! My geesh! Trevor, I never imagined you would say such a thing!"
Trevor McDonald removed his mask and revealed himself to be Simon Cowell.
"May I say, your performance on Big Brother is the worst I've ever seen! You belong in Louis' group!"
Evil Stepmother switched off the TV and drifted off into a flashback. Readers, just imagine some dream-like music followed by some MSN noises.
Snow White has been added to the conversation.
Snow White says: hello ppl!
Bitchy says: OMGZ! a new housem8!
Chavvy says: yo.
Geeky says: Greetings. How are you feeling this fine morning?
Punky says: hey dude!
Slutty says: OMFG! ur prittier dan me! u bitch!
Dermot O'Leary says: OMGZ! snow white is teh pretty!
Junky says: TEH MULTICOLOURED ELEFANTS WANT ME 2 TAPDANCE!
Douchebag says: lol
Evil Stepmother has left the conversation.
"I was the favourite before she joined!" Evil Stepmother snapped, dialing her mobile phone of DOOOOM!
"Margaret, get everyone to vote Snow White out of Big Brother, and bring me some bread."
Meanwhile, at Margaret's house...
"Meh, can't be arsed."
A week later, and Evil Stepmother sat down with her fish and chips and cup of gin in ovaltine to watch her crush, Punky, on Big Brother, only to be greeted by the sight of SNOW WHITE!
"Dear God!" she exclaimed. "That cow!"
Evil Stepmother dialed Margaret's number, only to be greeted by the voicemail message "Go away, Evil Stepmother.”
“When father was still married to mother, we would all go to Him concerts together, but now father and Evil Stepmother go together and I’m forced to sit at home with only my Gerard Way poster for company!” cried Snow White.
“Him? Don’t you listen to Sex Pistols?” asked Punky.
“Sex Pistols? You mean real punk? Are you insane? Stay away from me, you freak!” Snow White yelled in fear as she ran into the garden.
A peculiar smell was emitting from the council flat of Evil Stepmother. The smell of onions to be exact. How very curious, as Evil Stepmother always complained about that particular stench. Of course, this did not appear to be Evil Stepmother. Evil Stepmother wouldn’t be caught dead in stripes, certainly not a beret, and definitely not onions around her neck. But this was most definitely Evil Stepmother. She still had the alarmingly bushy eyebrows and the 3cm radius mole on her cheek with hairs emerging. Of course, Big Brother contestants are shockingly stupid and would not notice such distinctive characteristics.
“Who the hell are you?” said Bitchy to the ugly French woman.
“I am Frenchy, I am ze new housemate,” said Evil Stepmother in a frighteningly bad French accent.
“You what?” asked Chavvy.
“Holy Mother Of God!” exclaimed Douchebag.
“No bloody way!” gasped Slutty.
“Greetings,” said Geeky.
“Hello, I’m Snow White,” Snow White said, offering her hand.
Evil Stepmother smacked Snow White’s hand away. “Ze Eengleesh emo kids. I cannot stand zem!”
A week had passed and Snow White and the new housemate ‘Frenchy’ still weren’t getting along. As Snow White weeped to the music of Dashboard Confessional, a flash of pink light and a puff of glittery smoke appeared in front of her eyes. It was the amazing, the talented, the effeminate Fairy Godmother.
“Oh Fairy Godmother, why does Frenchy not like me? Snow White sobbed into her My Chemical Romance t-shirt.
“Well m’dear, it’s because of your amazingly pale skin, dark as soot hair, black and pink plastic bracelets and suicidal attitude. You make the perfect emo kid, and she is jealous,” exclaimed Brian Molko of Placebo, Snow White’s fairy godmother, twirling in the dress he has been forced to wear for this cameo. “But never mind that, BASK IN MY AWESOME ANDROGYNY! BASK IN IT!” And Snow White did bask in Brian Molko’s awesome androgyny, and Brian Molko did wish her luck before disappearing in another cloud of glittery smoke.
“I will NEVER vote Snow White out Frenchy, and you can’t make me!” yelled Punky.
“Since you will not succumb to my French charms, I shall have to persuade you in other ways,” growled Evil Stepmother, taking an onion from around her neck.
“No, not…THE ONIONS! Think of my eyeliner!”
“Will you nominate Snow White?” Evil Stepmother teased.
“Never!” exclaimed Punky.
“Then I’m afraid I have no choice,” Evil Stepmother held the onion dangerously close to Punky’s eyes, making them water and thus destroying his artfully applied eyeliner.
“Nooooooooooooooo! Okay, I give in! I’ll nominate Snow White!”
“Big Brother house, this is Davina. You are live on Channel 4, please do not swear. We have received word that Snow White has been nominated by every other housemate,” announced Davina McCall.
“Noooooo!” cried Snow White, falling to her knees and breaking down into tears. Evil Stepmother, still dressed as Frenchy, grinned smugly.
Just then, Dermot O’Leary burst into the house.
“Cheer up emo kid, you’ve won!” cheered Dermot.
“What?” Snow White asked meekly.
“WHAT?!?” gasped Evil Stepmother.
“We discovered the nominations had been fixed, and have decided to let you win instead, because…well…Snow White, I love you.”
“Nooooooooooooooooooo!” Evil Stepmother and Davina McCall cried in unison.
“Oh Dermot O’Leary, I love you too!” smiled Snow White in glee.
“Now lets go and get married and appear on the cover of OK! Magazine!” proclaimed Dermot.
As Evil Stepmother and Davina McCall (who housed a secret love for Dermot) formed a suicide pact together, the other housemates cheered the happy couple, save Junky, who was still being tormented by visions of multi-coloured elephants, who now wanted to eat his brain.
Fin.