(no subject)
Sometimes, like this week, I just need to remember the things that make me happy.
Here are some things that really make me happy:
1. My friends. Always will be the top thing on my list making me happy. As time goes on, usually high school groups dissipate; either they just go away, or they figure they're too good for you (alot of people I graduated with are like this. Come on guy, you live in Hammond; you're not too good for anything). Anyway, I knew, back in high school, some of my best friends were going to grow up to be really good guys, and I would've liked to keep them in my life. I knew we were all going in our own directions, ON our own time, but if you would have told me, back in Senior year (and a couple months after), that I'd still be hanging out with the exact friends I had the most esteem for, I would have been hardpressed to believe you. Such friends have also come along because of these friends like Tayo, Cyndi, Jeny, and Mary, and we all have a great time.
2. My little brother Matthew. I will NEVER forget the morning I woke up and heard all the problems I caused coming in drunk, and then how I went and took a bath, with my clothes on, and almost drowned, but Matthew woke up and saved me. He cleaned up all the mess I made, and... he's just a hero. Had it not been for him, my dad's lifestyle would have taken my life when I was 22. With how much I used to drink, it makes me smile that, every now and then, I can casually have one beer and cut myself off.
3. My writing. God, I've had SO many ideas lately, which just proves heartbreak isn't the only emotion that gives you inspiration, although most of my stuff IS of a somber nature. Last week, I wrote, and recorded, a song in like 2 hours (wrote in ten minutes, spnt the rest recording and editing). Right now, I'm working on a song for my mom, and it's just so cool to see my writing style broadening.
4. Andrea. She gets her own spot. You know, I sent her a message on here one night, and I had no idea how much that would change my life. I mean, she, like me, is pretty insecure. All she's heard in her life is enough to give a person a complex. Anyway, I just couldn't stop myself in talking to her really nice, and being really sweet to her, you know, like people should have. She used to a bit be unbelieving in compliments, but now (since I annoying would not relent), she takes them pretty well. I don't care if it's true or not, but everyone likes to feel useful, so in my mind I helped her a little. In turn, she's helped me alot; everytime I talk to her, I leave the conversation smiling, even if I felt like shit all day, and she's rid me of many insecurities I have, calling me such things as "baby" and such, and saying "No matter what you say, all I see is perfection when I look at you", which is the best compliment I've ever gotten in my life. I'd give anything to be with her, but it's not working, but as long as she's in my life somehow, it's good. I'll never say it's good enough, but it's good.
5. Clothes. You would not think something as simple as clothing would make me happy like it does, but it does. It's not so much the clothes I have are overly nice, it's just I wear them well, and I do wonders with my impossibly skinny body; I actually look presentable sometimes. I credit some of this to Jason too, as the guy has incredible fasion sense.
6. Being in a professional wrestling ring. About a month ago, I got the shit kicked out of me in the ring. I was only in there for maybe 5 minutes, but the adrenaline I felt from it is just now really going away, and it will probably come back when I see the tape. It was absolute pandemonium, and I was told it looked really good, as well as I sold it extremely well, even though I've no training at all.
7. Jason. He also gets his own spot. I've never met a per as much like I am as he is, and I keep finding out ways we're alike. This guy is the only person I will go out of my way to watch his back, and I'm very sorry to my other friends, but it's true.One time that comes to mind is on New Years morning, and even though I was about 5 miles from my own home, I chose to go out to his place with him. I knew the risks, but I just wanted to be there... in case something happened (I don't express my feelings towards my guy friends often, because I don't know how to do it without it being awkward). I'll leave it at that.
8. School. Even though it seems pointless at times, I'm doing it; I'm making something of myself, while there are others who choose not to. It may be a slow process, but I believe in the story my economics teacher told us about $400, 000 cars, or $400,000 CDs, or any material things: what it is is you need to add up the costs of, say, an education, but you also have to add up all the cost of the next best thing you could be doing with your time and efforts. Then, you judge where you'd maximize profit, or minimize loss. Sometimes, it's college that comes out as the worst choice, but that's the principal (yea, using things I learn, in school, in my everyday life kind of worries me).
I'm sure there are more, but I can't think right now.
*Name (as shown on birth certificate): Thomas Arthur Ratliff
*D.O.B (no lies.): 9/7/80
*Where were you born?: Hammond, In, about a quarter mile from my apartment
*Where do you currently reside?: see above
*Born late, early, or just in time?: not sure
*In what order were you born?: N/A
Ok, so we've got the background. Let's learn alittle more about YOU.
*Height/Weight: 5'7", 94-110lbs. (I think I'm actually 109 right now)
*Hair/Eye Color: blonde hair, hazel eyes
*Are you happy with yourself in these aspects?: yes
*What would you change about each?: i wanna lo-light my hair with a little brown/red, and im happy with my eyes the way they are
*Anything you are physically ashamed of?: nothing really
*Any piercings/ink?: not for me
*If so, are you satisified or do you want more?:
*Do you pamper yourself occassionally?: no
*If so, how?:
*Do you have glasses/contacts?: i have glasses
*Do you have freckles?: no
*What's your build (truthfully)?: i'm slender
*What kind of deodorant do you use?: Speed Stick
*What about shampoo?: American Crew, or VO5
*What does your hair look like right now?: its a mess
*What about on a normal basis?: i keep it groomed usually
*Last chance to add anything on the physical appearance I have forgotten:
Let's get to know the REAL you. You know, the stuff on the inside. ARE YOU:
*Serious/Light-hearted?: it really depends, i am serious when i need to be, but i like to have fun
*Dry/Out there?: i guess somewhere in the middle
*Selfish/Selfless?: im not selfish enough
*Academic/Athletic?: i try hard to be both
*Trusting/TrustWORTHY?: both
*Happy on the inside AND outside?: not always, but i try
*Easy/Hard to talk to?: i'm nice, but i am shy, so i'm easy to talk to only if you ask me lots of questions, it doesnt work the other way around
*Able to open up to others easily?: some people
*Stressed out at times?: yeah
*Heartbroken?: not anymore; i got a violent shove out of it. it will happen again, but never as bad
*Honest with yourself?: what you believe is the truth to you, is it not?
*A heartbreaker?: i wish i would've now
*In love?: nope, things change when people find excuses to feel less and less for you
*Loved?: doubt it
*Smart?: i think i am, though i have trouble at times
*Open to suggestions?: usually
*Open to change?: i'm working on it
*Religious?: not at all
*A good friend?: i could be if given the chance
Hey, speaking of "good friends." Let's explore that, shall we?
Would you rather ...
*Have 100 acquaintance "friends" or a few CLOSE friends, only?: a few close friends
*Ramble off some names, why don't ya: jason, phil, chris
*What makes the "no strings" style better?: we all have needs, and sometimes you have to just fullfill those needs. its not a weakness or immoral (see Maslows Hierarchy of Needs)
*Do you like to party in large groups?: not really; the more people, the less talkitive
*Name some people you would vacation with?: fun people, and anyone on my FL id like to meet
*Where would you go?: on a cruise
*Are there people you trust more than others?: yes
Let's talk about friend number ONE.
*name: jason
*Are they a good friend?: the best
*What makes it so?: we have fun, we are really alike, etc.
*When and how did you meet?: 7th grade
*ONE word to describe your friendship?: fun
*Best memory with?: florida
Friend number TWO.
*name: phil
*Why are they a good friend?: he's a great guy
*What makes them unique to anyone else?: he's not what you'd expect
*When and how did you meet?: 6th grade
*ONE word to describe them?: nice
*Do you ever fight?: no. minor disagreements, but its always just dropped right after; no point in dragging out hostility
*Best memory?: florida
Friend number THREE.
*name: chris
*How are they unique from ONE and TWO?: i think anyone who did not know him would think he's insane
*Any nicknames for them?: no
*Do you talk on the phone?: not often. i think the last time was when he called me to go get a valentines day present 2 years ago
*What do you wish you could change about them?: nothing
*Do you fight?: nah
*What makes them special?: the virtuosity in his music
*Best memory?: his wedding
Relationships!
*Status?: single
*Like it?: sure, loves great, except when you're in it
*Last relationship length: i didnt have a relationship, i had a friendship until she got too good for me
*Longest relationship: n/a
*Shortest relationship: a day
*Best memory: the first time phil told me he loved me
*Worst memory: all the things i did, if i could go back and undo them, i would
*Most recent ex's name: elizabeth i guess
*Do you have a crush right now?: yea, a little
*Names, please: Andrea
RANDOMosity, basically. Ready?
Do you ...
*Drink?: occaisionally
*Party?: no
*Smoke?: no
*Drugs?: no
*Tell secrets?: no
*Like to dance?: not really
*Like to sing?: when im alone
*Dye your hair?: never
*Drive?: no
*Listen to music while you do homework?: at times
*DO your homework?: yes, though i didnt always, now i am really trying
*Make good grades?: i am trying to
*Have pets?: oh yes
*Like to read?: sometimes; im trying to get back into it
HAVE YOU ...
*Skinnydipped?: no
*Fallen from a great height?: just a porch
*Broken a bone?: no
*Had a major surgery?: eyes
*Kissed a total stranger?: yeah
*Skydived?: no
*Bungeejumped?: no
*Lost someone you loved?: so far only pets and distant relatives
*Made new friends?: i'm trying to
*Lost old friends?: a few
*Written a song?: many
*Prayed?: i've tried to; i dont really know how
*Slept under the stars?: no
*Tanned in a bed?: yes
*Been deep sea fishing?: what an odd question... no
*Loved someone so much it made you cry?: yes
*Made a mistake that you regretted?: i dont do regret
*Learned from a mistake?: yes
*Said something you wanted to take back?: who hasnt?
*Wished you could go back in time?: yes
Just to clear some things up ... and finish this off:
*Right/Left Handed: right
*What side of the bed do you sleep on?: usually left; doesnt really matter though
*Last person you slept with?: sleep or sex? sleep with jaime, sex with megan
*Last person you hugged?: mary, but i havent had a real hug in a long time
*Last person you called?: my mom
*Last person who called YOU?: jason
*Last person you texted?: jason, with part of a Chappelle show skit ("Ya'll niggas kneed to cook up cocaine wif baking powder". speaking of this skit, id have never thought Mos Def could be so funny, but he is)
*Last person who texted YOU?: phil
*Last IM?: Andrea
*Last thing you thought?: i'm gonna IM Wren
*Last thing you said aloud?: "Hi Baby Girl"
*What was the last thing you wanted to say... but didn't: probably alot of things to elizabeth, but it/she isn't worth it anymore
Here are some things that really make me happy:
1. My friends. Always will be the top thing on my list making me happy. As time goes on, usually high school groups dissipate; either they just go away, or they figure they're too good for you (alot of people I graduated with are like this. Come on guy, you live in Hammond; you're not too good for anything). Anyway, I knew, back in high school, some of my best friends were going to grow up to be really good guys, and I would've liked to keep them in my life. I knew we were all going in our own directions, ON our own time, but if you would have told me, back in Senior year (and a couple months after), that I'd still be hanging out with the exact friends I had the most esteem for, I would have been hardpressed to believe you. Such friends have also come along because of these friends like Tayo, Cyndi, Jeny, and Mary, and we all have a great time.
2. My little brother Matthew. I will NEVER forget the morning I woke up and heard all the problems I caused coming in drunk, and then how I went and took a bath, with my clothes on, and almost drowned, but Matthew woke up and saved me. He cleaned up all the mess I made, and... he's just a hero. Had it not been for him, my dad's lifestyle would have taken my life when I was 22. With how much I used to drink, it makes me smile that, every now and then, I can casually have one beer and cut myself off.
3. My writing. God, I've had SO many ideas lately, which just proves heartbreak isn't the only emotion that gives you inspiration, although most of my stuff IS of a somber nature. Last week, I wrote, and recorded, a song in like 2 hours (wrote in ten minutes, spnt the rest recording and editing). Right now, I'm working on a song for my mom, and it's just so cool to see my writing style broadening.
4. Andrea. She gets her own spot. You know, I sent her a message on here one night, and I had no idea how much that would change my life. I mean, she, like me, is pretty insecure. All she's heard in her life is enough to give a person a complex. Anyway, I just couldn't stop myself in talking to her really nice, and being really sweet to her, you know, like people should have. She used to a bit be unbelieving in compliments, but now (since I annoying would not relent), she takes them pretty well. I don't care if it's true or not, but everyone likes to feel useful, so in my mind I helped her a little. In turn, she's helped me alot; everytime I talk to her, I leave the conversation smiling, even if I felt like shit all day, and she's rid me of many insecurities I have, calling me such things as "baby" and such, and saying "No matter what you say, all I see is perfection when I look at you", which is the best compliment I've ever gotten in my life. I'd give anything to be with her, but it's not working, but as long as she's in my life somehow, it's good. I'll never say it's good enough, but it's good.
5. Clothes. You would not think something as simple as clothing would make me happy like it does, but it does. It's not so much the clothes I have are overly nice, it's just I wear them well, and I do wonders with my impossibly skinny body; I actually look presentable sometimes. I credit some of this to Jason too, as the guy has incredible fasion sense.
6. Being in a professional wrestling ring. About a month ago, I got the shit kicked out of me in the ring. I was only in there for maybe 5 minutes, but the adrenaline I felt from it is just now really going away, and it will probably come back when I see the tape. It was absolute pandemonium, and I was told it looked really good, as well as I sold it extremely well, even though I've no training at all.
7. Jason. He also gets his own spot. I've never met a per as much like I am as he is, and I keep finding out ways we're alike. This guy is the only person I will go out of my way to watch his back, and I'm very sorry to my other friends, but it's true.One time that comes to mind is on New Years morning, and even though I was about 5 miles from my own home, I chose to go out to his place with him. I knew the risks, but I just wanted to be there... in case something happened (I don't express my feelings towards my guy friends often, because I don't know how to do it without it being awkward). I'll leave it at that.
8. School. Even though it seems pointless at times, I'm doing it; I'm making something of myself, while there are others who choose not to. It may be a slow process, but I believe in the story my economics teacher told us about $400, 000 cars, or $400,000 CDs, or any material things: what it is is you need to add up the costs of, say, an education, but you also have to add up all the cost of the next best thing you could be doing with your time and efforts. Then, you judge where you'd maximize profit, or minimize loss. Sometimes, it's college that comes out as the worst choice, but that's the principal (yea, using things I learn, in school, in my everyday life kind of worries me).
I'm sure there are more, but I can't think right now.
*Name (as shown on birth certificate): Thomas Arthur Ratliff
*D.O.B (no lies.): 9/7/80
*Where were you born?: Hammond, In, about a quarter mile from my apartment
*Where do you currently reside?: see above
*Born late, early, or just in time?: not sure
*In what order were you born?: N/A
Ok, so we've got the background. Let's learn alittle more about YOU.
*Height/Weight: 5'7", 94-110lbs. (I think I'm actually 109 right now)
*Hair/Eye Color: blonde hair, hazel eyes
*Are you happy with yourself in these aspects?: yes
*What would you change about each?: i wanna lo-light my hair with a little brown/red, and im happy with my eyes the way they are
*Anything you are physically ashamed of?: nothing really
*Any piercings/ink?: not for me
*If so, are you satisified or do you want more?:
*Do you pamper yourself occassionally?: no
*If so, how?:
*Do you have glasses/contacts?: i have glasses
*Do you have freckles?: no
*What's your build (truthfully)?: i'm slender
*What kind of deodorant do you use?: Speed Stick
*What about shampoo?: American Crew, or VO5
*What does your hair look like right now?: its a mess
*What about on a normal basis?: i keep it groomed usually
*Last chance to add anything on the physical appearance I have forgotten:
Let's get to know the REAL you. You know, the stuff on the inside. ARE YOU:
*Serious/Light-hearted?: it really depends, i am serious when i need to be, but i like to have fun
*Dry/Out there?: i guess somewhere in the middle
*Selfish/Selfless?: im not selfish enough
*Academic/Athletic?: i try hard to be both
*Trusting/TrustWORTHY?: both
*Happy on the inside AND outside?: not always, but i try
*Easy/Hard to talk to?: i'm nice, but i am shy, so i'm easy to talk to only if you ask me lots of questions, it doesnt work the other way around
*Able to open up to others easily?: some people
*Stressed out at times?: yeah
*Heartbroken?: not anymore; i got a violent shove out of it. it will happen again, but never as bad
*Honest with yourself?: what you believe is the truth to you, is it not?
*A heartbreaker?: i wish i would've now
*In love?: nope, things change when people find excuses to feel less and less for you
*Loved?: doubt it
*Smart?: i think i am, though i have trouble at times
*Open to suggestions?: usually
*Open to change?: i'm working on it
*Religious?: not at all
*A good friend?: i could be if given the chance
Hey, speaking of "good friends." Let's explore that, shall we?
Would you rather ...
*Have 100 acquaintance "friends" or a few CLOSE friends, only?: a few close friends
*Ramble off some names, why don't ya: jason, phil, chris
*What makes the "no strings" style better?: we all have needs, and sometimes you have to just fullfill those needs. its not a weakness or immoral (see Maslows Hierarchy of Needs)
*Do you like to party in large groups?: not really; the more people, the less talkitive
*Name some people you would vacation with?: fun people, and anyone on my FL id like to meet
*Where would you go?: on a cruise
*Are there people you trust more than others?: yes
Let's talk about friend number ONE.
*name: jason
*Are they a good friend?: the best
*What makes it so?: we have fun, we are really alike, etc.
*When and how did you meet?: 7th grade
*ONE word to describe your friendship?: fun
*Best memory with?: florida
Friend number TWO.
*name: phil
*Why are they a good friend?: he's a great guy
*What makes them unique to anyone else?: he's not what you'd expect
*When and how did you meet?: 6th grade
*ONE word to describe them?: nice
*Do you ever fight?: no. minor disagreements, but its always just dropped right after; no point in dragging out hostility
*Best memory?: florida
Friend number THREE.
*name: chris
*How are they unique from ONE and TWO?: i think anyone who did not know him would think he's insane
*Any nicknames for them?: no
*Do you talk on the phone?: not often. i think the last time was when he called me to go get a valentines day present 2 years ago
*What do you wish you could change about them?: nothing
*Do you fight?: nah
*What makes them special?: the virtuosity in his music
*Best memory?: his wedding
Relationships!
*Status?: single
*Like it?: sure, loves great, except when you're in it
*Last relationship length: i didnt have a relationship, i had a friendship until she got too good for me
*Longest relationship: n/a
*Shortest relationship: a day
*Best memory: the first time phil told me he loved me
*Worst memory: all the things i did, if i could go back and undo them, i would
*Most recent ex's name: elizabeth i guess
*Do you have a crush right now?: yea, a little
*Names, please: Andrea
RANDOMosity, basically. Ready?
Do you ...
*Drink?: occaisionally
*Party?: no
*Smoke?: no
*Drugs?: no
*Tell secrets?: no
*Like to dance?: not really
*Like to sing?: when im alone
*Dye your hair?: never
*Drive?: no
*Listen to music while you do homework?: at times
*DO your homework?: yes, though i didnt always, now i am really trying
*Make good grades?: i am trying to
*Have pets?: oh yes
*Like to read?: sometimes; im trying to get back into it
HAVE YOU ...
*Skinnydipped?: no
*Fallen from a great height?: just a porch
*Broken a bone?: no
*Had a major surgery?: eyes
*Kissed a total stranger?: yeah
*Skydived?: no
*Bungeejumped?: no
*Lost someone you loved?: so far only pets and distant relatives
*Made new friends?: i'm trying to
*Lost old friends?: a few
*Written a song?: many
*Prayed?: i've tried to; i dont really know how
*Slept under the stars?: no
*Tanned in a bed?: yes
*Been deep sea fishing?: what an odd question... no
*Loved someone so much it made you cry?: yes
*Made a mistake that you regretted?: i dont do regret
*Learned from a mistake?: yes
*Said something you wanted to take back?: who hasnt?
*Wished you could go back in time?: yes
Just to clear some things up ... and finish this off:
*Right/Left Handed: right
*What side of the bed do you sleep on?: usually left; doesnt really matter though
*Last person you slept with?: sleep or sex? sleep with jaime, sex with megan
*Last person you hugged?: mary, but i havent had a real hug in a long time
*Last person you called?: my mom
*Last person who called YOU?: jason
*Last person you texted?: jason, with part of a Chappelle show skit ("Ya'll niggas kneed to cook up cocaine wif baking powder". speaking of this skit, id have never thought Mos Def could be so funny, but he is)
*Last person who texted YOU?: phil
*Last IM?: Andrea
*Last thing you thought?: i'm gonna IM Wren
*Last thing you said aloud?: "Hi Baby Girl"
*What was the last thing you wanted to say... but didn't: probably alot of things to elizabeth, but it/she isn't worth it anymore