a convenient outlet for when i don't know who to talk to.

[__overbitten]

the prospect of having a crush, and pursuing them, and succeeding, is so intoxicating to me. i want to do it so badly, and the fact that i am in a stable relationship currently gives me such guilt, and stomach aches, because i know i just want to be doing something else

Comments

[seasalts]

I've never been in a long-term long distance relationship (the longest I was in lasted about 2 months, and we were never official) so I'm not really sure what the best advice is...but it sounds like it might help to tell him how you're feeling about all this?

And sexuality is a weird thing. I don't think it's ever black and white, but I was pretty convinced I was bi until I was in my first relationship with a girl and realized that guys just didn't do much for me.

Also hi! ♥

yeah!

[__overbitten]

see, that's the thing. everyone always says: "well, i always knew i was gay, it was just a matter of time before i admitted it..." etc. and i think, well, if that's the way it happens, then i'm probably not gay.

but i believe there must be other ways of figuring out that one prefers women; such as having a relationship with one. and again, it is strange to try to generalize from one experience, but since women tend to be socialized in a similar way in western society, and one happens to better understand/prefer interacting with people socialized that way...well, then it's a little generalizable, at least.

and i did tell him. i copied and pasted it into an email and sent it to him. and it's nothing he hasn't heard before, and nothing we haven't discussed. it just rears its head from time to time and says "deal with me now!" in a really insistent way.

but i feel better after taking a shower. you know how warm water can just wash away all of those "what's my sexuality?" blues.

(& ps: thanks for your reply.)