She had chain smoked all the and morning ??? I think you were thinking too fast and forgot a few words. ^^;
Fidelity did a suicide dive from the top of the building and she was sure it was hers. Gotta make sure you stay in just one tense, and not randomly switch them. =) Otherwise, it doesn't really make sense.
For more of a textual critique, "strangers with no faces and no place in her life haunt her;" sounds a little awkward. I think it would sound better if you worded it like "she's haunted by strangers with no faces and no place in her life" or something of the sort. Generally, after writing a poem, to make sure that all the lines sound correct, read them aloud. It's easier to find the sticky spots.
You did a nice job, though. ^_^ I'm intrigued by the plot, and the character Adriana. I know I've heard that name before - is this the same story you've been working on for a while? Didn't you post a few excerpts when deadfaerie was still around?
i think my problem is that while i was typing this out, i was also typing my English homework, haha. I know that sometimes, I change some things when I reread them. I always have issues with changing tenses because I can't seem to remember what tense I used in the beginning of a story.
Actually, it was my nanowrimo from this year. I really liked the plot I had in mind so I figured I'd work on it for a while to see how it came out. I haven't been writing as much as I would like, but it'll do for now.
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strangers with no favces faces
She had chain smoked all the and morning ??? I think you were thinking too fast and forgot a few words. ^^;
Fidelity did a suicide dive from the top of the building and she was sure it was hers. Gotta make sure you stay in just one tense, and not randomly switch them. =) Otherwise, it doesn't really make sense.
For more of a textual critique, "strangers with no faces and no place in her life haunt her;" sounds a little awkward. I think it would sound better if you worded it like "she's haunted by strangers with no faces and no place in her life" or something of the sort. Generally, after writing a poem, to make sure that all the lines sound correct, read them aloud. It's easier to find the sticky spots.
You did a nice job, though. ^_^ I'm intrigued by the plot, and the character Adriana. I know I've heard that name before - is this the same story you've been working on for a while? Didn't you post a few excerpts when deadfaerie was still around?
xoxo.
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Actually, it was my nanowrimo from this year. I really liked the plot I had in mind so I figured I'd work on it for a while to see how it came out. I haven't been writing as much as I would like, but it'll do for now.
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