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On those moments.
After elk sliders and steak frites at Union, we made our way down Queen Street West arm in arm, slipping on icy patches as we went. My mind held onto the image of his broad smile in the dimly lit restaurant. We were going to a bar, but we didn't know which one or where. We were going somewhere and it didn't really matter where. We crossed ( Read more... ) -
On finding the one.
Sometimes after the gym, we shower together. With his black hair wet and slicked back, his receding hairline is more visible than ever. He grins, his dimples showcased along his defined jaw and I look at the small space between his two front teeth. It's in these moments that I picture him in ten years from now. In twenty years from now. Bald ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I know he's going to ask me to marry him one day. And I'm going to say yes. -
On GS.
About twelve years ago, I started talking to GS in the middle of a hallway in my high school. Those initial encounters later became deeper conversations, introductions to mutual friends, studying dates, social outings and then friendship. Over the following years, I would trust him with my life, showing him all of my scars, flaws and insecurities ( Read more... ) -
On resolve.
I guess I don't write anymore because I feel as though I'm lacking an audience, not only of external bodies, but also of myself. My inner retrospection is no longer useful for me and my life is now so organized and simplified (or so I think?) and coherent, really, that words on paper are of less use to me ( Read more... ) -
On a lack of trust / learning to trust.
Ask any of my ex-boyfriends which issue was recurring in our relationship and most of them will tell you 'trust'. To be fair, some of those ex's were infidels, so that's to be expected. The others entered the game afterwards and they've suffered from the ones before them.
I had my first real relationship when I was 16 years old. At that time in ( Read more... ) -
On having kids.
We were putting dishes away when it happened ( Read more... ) -
On generosity.
"Sometimes, guys, there's just a, a, a situation, you know?"
He'd been drinking.
"You know what I mean, right?"
I smiled and nodded and he threw his hands up in the air.
"See? She knows what I mean!" he said, as if he was proving his point to someone.
"Lemme buy you a drink," he said. "I'm feelin' generous. Does anyone at this table want a drink?"
The ( Read more... ) -
On settling.
It's getting easier. Things. We argue less and we talk frequently. He likes to run his fingers through my hair and I like to kiss his button nose. We're close. We're finding our place(s) in the world. I'm thinking about my future and he's working on his ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
...and slowly, slowly, one lonely evening at a time, I'm getting used to being alone with myself again. I'm becoming familiar with my thought patterns, the relentless anxiety of needing someone there and reassuring myself that everythan' gon' be alright.
It's working, so far.
So far, it's working.