My public Colorguard rants.
I'm sick of ranting to certain people (Nick, mostly) about Colorguard ALREADY this season. So I've decided that I'm going to make one public entry-- for everyone to see how I feel.
I want to start out by saying, I'm so extremely proud of how much the Colorguard has accomplished so far this season. We have almost all of our drill memorized, and know sections of work for each song. We have had sectionals constantly, and we have been pushing ourselves. I'm glad that we will look more prepared at our first competition this year then we did last year.
But I hate Colorguard. I hate it a lot. I am perfectly aware that things are different because of our new instructors. And they want us to do well. But is it because of the same reasons Valerie wanted us to do well last year? I don't think so.
Valerie was an amazing instructor, and an even more amazing friend. When I came to the first practice last year, I remember it very well. Aileen introduced me to Valerie, and she ran to me and gave me a big hug. And she said to me "Welcome to Guard, Amanda. We're all sisters here." And I thought it was corny at the time, not going to lie. But anyone would. Now that I look back, I realize just how accurate she was. Those girls were my sisters. And they were my life. I made some amazing friends I'd never trade for anything in the world..
This year, Chensy doesn't seem like she even likes most of the Colorguard. She picks her favorites, and makes it very obvious who her favorites are. And it's extremely hurtful to those who know they are not a "favorite". Instead of being an instructor, she's like an older, nastier peer. She's only nineteen years old, there's not enough of an age difference where we have an obvious line between instructor and guard members. She can never be positive to us. After we run a set, she'll gag, give certain people dirty looks, or say "AGAIN!", having us run the same sets over again. And even when we feel we've made major improvements, she won't even say we look decent. She always says "It could get better." It makes us feel like after all of our hard work, we're still shit under her shoe. And it's a horrible feeling, considering we're so much further ahead then last year.
I hate that I'm miserable in my last year of Colorguard. Chensy is very discouraging to me, and all I've done since band camp is cry about this. I've never met such a cold, hurtful person who is supposed to be encouraging and fun. This year isn't even CLOSE to last year. We spend our practice time without Chensy talking about how uncomfortable we are around her, and how much we miss last year.
We would do ANYTHING to get Valerie back, but we know that it just isn't going to happen. We've talked to Valerie, and have promised her to stay strong throughout the season. I e-mailed her our competition schedule, in hopes that she can make some of them. If she sees where we are at this point, I think she'd cry from being so thrilled. And I think we need to see someone that important to us be that proud of us. I mean, Olivetto told us last night he was EXTREMELY proud of us. But he also told us to suck it up.
I wrote this, and made this public, for a few reasons. I wanted the whole guard to see this. Maybe the band too. I just feel like I have so much to get off of my chest. Last night, I was a wreck, and I think a lot of people saw that. Susan Peterson saw that, and tried to make me feel better, which she did. But I don't think anyone outside of guard realizes just how bad things are this year..
Comment if you wish? Everything's going to be screened, so don't say anything dumb, I'll just delete it. Don't give me crap about how we SHOULD suck it up, because there is NO motivation in the Colorguard this year.