"Wings"
Title: Wings
Fandom: Real People
Characters: Ville Valo/Bam Margera
Prompt: #046 -- Strong
Word Count: 553
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's so hard to be strong.
Author's Notes: This is probably the shortest thing I have ever written...and it's utter crap. I doubt it even makes any sense, and it's probably just a waste of time. I just wanted to work on my prompt table, since I've been neglecting it lately...
I was supposed to be strong for him. I was supposed to be his rock, the constant in his life that kept him from falling. I was supposed to be there for him, and I failed.
They found him in his hotel room, sprawled out on the bed with a note clutched in his hand as tears cascaded down his frozen cheeks. The doctor's said that there was no pain, that it happened while he was sleeping. But I knew otherwise. I knew that he had been suffering for years, clinging to his last thread of hope until it finally snapped. I knew because I was that thread.
And it's strange. Because I never seemed to realize this until after it happened...
When I got the phone call I didn't know how to react. It was three in the morning and I was sound asleep, awoken by a heavily accented voice practically crying through the phone line. Migé gave me the news quickly before apologizing and hanging up. All I remember was sitting there for a long time, my room completely dark as the news settled in and I felt my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces.
I also remember that I didn't cry. Not a single tear.
I didn't cry when I had to break the news to all of my friends. I didn't cry when his mother called me the next day, sobbing her condolences and telling me that she loved me like a son. I didn't cry when the reporters began to ask questions, when they hammered down my door and threw pictures of him in my face. I didn't cry when I went to his funeral. I didn't cry when they put his lifeless body in the ground. I didn't cry.
All I can think about now is how I never got to say goodbye. He left me knowing that things between us could never be the same.
Three months, fourteen days, nine hours, fourty seven minutes, twelve seconds. That's how long it took. That's exactly how long it took me before I finally snapped, when the first tear broke from my eyes. I felt ashamed that it was only one tear, that I wasn't sobbing on the floor like I deserved to be. I felt ashamed that I couldn't even cry, even after the one person I ever loved was taken away from me.
But no matter how hard I tried, no matter how often I thought about his face, the tears refused to come.
His suicide note wasn't addressed to anyone, but I knew that the words were written for me. There was one line; one small, insignificant quote that nobody seemed to pick up on. Nobody but me.
"We all have wings, but some of us don't know why."
Yes, Ville Valo quoted an INXS song in his death letter. But it was so much more than that, wasn't it? Oh yes, so much more. There was a message behind those simple words, scrawled accross the paper in sloppy handwriting: He didn't want me to follow him. I knew this, like I knew so much more.
And I vowed that day that I wouldn't crumble beneath the pressure. I would live on, if only for him. And I did, without a single tear.
Finally, I was strong.
*Ducks Flying Objects*
I understand if you have lost all faith in my ability to write. This is horrible...
Fandom: Real People
Characters: Ville Valo/Bam Margera
Prompt: #046 -- Strong
Word Count: 553
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's so hard to be strong.
Author's Notes: This is probably the shortest thing I have ever written...and it's utter crap. I doubt it even makes any sense, and it's probably just a waste of time. I just wanted to work on my prompt table, since I've been neglecting it lately...
I was supposed to be strong for him. I was supposed to be his rock, the constant in his life that kept him from falling. I was supposed to be there for him, and I failed.
They found him in his hotel room, sprawled out on the bed with a note clutched in his hand as tears cascaded down his frozen cheeks. The doctor's said that there was no pain, that it happened while he was sleeping. But I knew otherwise. I knew that he had been suffering for years, clinging to his last thread of hope until it finally snapped. I knew because I was that thread.
And it's strange. Because I never seemed to realize this until after it happened...
When I got the phone call I didn't know how to react. It was three in the morning and I was sound asleep, awoken by a heavily accented voice practically crying through the phone line. Migé gave me the news quickly before apologizing and hanging up. All I remember was sitting there for a long time, my room completely dark as the news settled in and I felt my heart breaking into a million tiny pieces.
I also remember that I didn't cry. Not a single tear.
I didn't cry when I had to break the news to all of my friends. I didn't cry when his mother called me the next day, sobbing her condolences and telling me that she loved me like a son. I didn't cry when the reporters began to ask questions, when they hammered down my door and threw pictures of him in my face. I didn't cry when I went to his funeral. I didn't cry when they put his lifeless body in the ground. I didn't cry.
All I can think about now is how I never got to say goodbye. He left me knowing that things between us could never be the same.
Three months, fourteen days, nine hours, fourty seven minutes, twelve seconds. That's how long it took. That's exactly how long it took me before I finally snapped, when the first tear broke from my eyes. I felt ashamed that it was only one tear, that I wasn't sobbing on the floor like I deserved to be. I felt ashamed that I couldn't even cry, even after the one person I ever loved was taken away from me.
But no matter how hard I tried, no matter how often I thought about his face, the tears refused to come.
His suicide note wasn't addressed to anyone, but I knew that the words were written for me. There was one line; one small, insignificant quote that nobody seemed to pick up on. Nobody but me.
"We all have wings, but some of us don't know why."
Yes, Ville Valo quoted an INXS song in his death letter. But it was so much more than that, wasn't it? Oh yes, so much more. There was a message behind those simple words, scrawled accross the paper in sloppy handwriting: He didn't want me to follow him. I knew this, like I knew so much more.
And I vowed that day that I wouldn't crumble beneath the pressure. I would live on, if only for him. And I did, without a single tear.
Finally, I was strong.
*Ducks Flying Objects*
I understand if you have lost all faith in my ability to write. This is horrible...