UPDATENESSSSSSS!
Title: A Mightier Sword To Heal
Chapter: Three. Play Dead.
Author: slasher48 /bad_bad_books
Rating: R
Pairing: They're on hiatus but yeah, Vam. ;)
Standard Disclaimer Applies.
AN: Sorry to make you wait so long, loves! Trying to figure out how to change the font for LJ so I can post the letters within the story, y'know?
A Bammie To Woo
Darling,
Linde wrote my last letter, I thought you should know. Forgive me for
being so stupid as not to have written it myself, but I was sure you'd
never speak to me again. I've been--
Ville crumpled up the page and tossed it in an already overflowing bin. Try as he might, he just couldn't figure out what to say to Bam.
How do I beg for forgiveness I don't believe I deserve? He had every right on Earth to leave the way he did--if I were him, I would've done the same.
Sighing loudly, Ville slid another piece of paper from the cluster in the second drawer of his desk and started over again. He was going to write it this time, no matter how crappy it sounded.
Darling,
Thinking of what to say to you to get you to trust me again will drive me to insanity,
I swear--especially since I don't believe I deserve the trust to begin with. I've tried everything
in my head and none of it seems to say exactly what's in my heart and soul whenever I think
of you. I suppose the direct approach is the best beginning.
In that case, I love you. I have for quite a long time, and no, I'm not speaking of only
the year we spent being together. I love everything about you, from your messy curls to your
scuffed sneakers. I daresay I've maybe loved you since that very first day we met, even as
only small children. I know I don't deserve the ability to love you after how I've hurt you,
but unfortunately for us both, it is something I cannot restrain.
You deserve better than me. I'm sure you know that--I know after how your mother
spoke to me that she knows that, and I know it all too well. I beg you'll forgive me for being
so selfish as to want you anyway. I know I've caused you pain--even the thought of that
expression you had the night you found out about my betrayal hurts me horribly. I pray
you'll someday forgive me for all I've put you through, and perhaps you can learn to
love me again?
I won't force you. I only plead for your forgiveness and love. I plead for a second
chance, because without you in my life, I will surely die. Your letter brought me hope, but
only small hope, for I know it is on me now to bring you back. I await the next--if there
will be a next--with a heart that, though broken, somehow has the strength to be terrified
of what you'll say after reading this. Please, please, reply.
Until then, I leave you with another of my songs. I know you love them and I'm
hoping this will touch you as deeply as it did me when it came to me.
Ville
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A moth into a butterfly
And a lie into the sweetest truth
I'm so afraid of life
I try to call your name
But I'm silenced by the fear
Of dying in your heart once again
I see the seasons changing
And in the heart of this autumn I fall
With the leaves from the trees
I play dead
To hide my heart
'Til the world gone dark fades away
I cry like God cries the rain
And I'm just one step away
From the end of today
I see the reasons changing
And in the warmth of the past I crawl
Scorched by the shame
I play dead
To hide my heart
'Til the world gone dark fades away
I stay dead
'Til you veil my scars
And say goodbye to fate
Before it's too late
Before it's too late
I play dead
To hide my heart
Til the world gone dark fades away
I stay dead
'Til you veil my scars
And say goodbye to fate
I play dead
To hide my heart
'Til the world gone dark fades away
Before it's too late
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ville decided to save the confession that it hadn't been he who'd written the first letter for another time. Right now, all he wanted was to let Bam know how he felt, whether it was coherently or not.
He resisted the urge to crumple up this one too. Instead he sealed it in an envelope and slid his feet into his shoes so he could walk out to the postbox and slip it in.
He didn't look back. He wanted to, but he just would not let himself. He walked with dignity back into his house and kicked off his shoes. It was Bam's choice now whether he wanted to reply or not. No matter how much he wished he could, Ville couldn't make Bam love him again if he chose not to.
*
"Bam, come out and talk to us! We know you've stopped your zombie crap already!" Bam rolled his eyes for what felt like the eightieth time and pinched Dunn's fingers so he'd get them out of the crack and he could slam the door and lock it.
"Fuck off, dude! I'm not in the mood for chit-chat at the moment." Finally feeling alive or not, Bam was still not the most fun person to be around nowadays. He was way too wrapped up in how much he missed Ville to pay attention to who was talking to him or what they were saying; so he figured it was just better not to try.
He spent his days showering, eating what he could sneak from the kitchen without being caught by his family or friends, and doing laundry to keep himself from going crazy with boredom and anticipation. It'd been eight days since he sent the last letter and still no response. As a result, Bam was a bit antsy.
Bam fell into his bed. What if Ville did write back, what then? Would he just allow the Finnish beauty to sweep him off his feet again, just like that? Should he? Or should he make him hurt first? Oh, it was all so confusing.
Bam decided thinking was overrated and he'd just do whatever felt right when the time came. He pulled a pillow over his head to drown out Dunn's incessant knocking and cleared his mind of all the bullshit. He had to relax. He needed sleep if he was to be able to answer Ville's letter the way his heart told him to.
*
Yeah, so it appeared that I wasn't going to figure out how to correctly format my letters, so...I posted it anyway. Hopefully you can bear with me anyway. ;)
Love you all! Missed you lots! Leave me some love? ♥
Chapter: Three. Play Dead.
Author: slasher48 /bad_bad_books
Rating: R
Pairing: They're on hiatus but yeah, Vam. ;)
Standard Disclaimer Applies.
AN: Sorry to make you wait so long, loves! Trying to figure out how to change the font for LJ so I can post the letters within the story, y'know?
A Bammie To Woo
Darling,
Linde wrote my last letter, I thought you should know. Forgive me for
being so stupid as not to have written it myself, but I was sure you'd
never speak to me again. I've been--
Ville crumpled up the page and tossed it in an already overflowing bin. Try as he might, he just couldn't figure out what to say to Bam.
How do I beg for forgiveness I don't believe I deserve? He had every right on Earth to leave the way he did--if I were him, I would've done the same.
Sighing loudly, Ville slid another piece of paper from the cluster in the second drawer of his desk and started over again. He was going to write it this time, no matter how crappy it sounded.
Darling,
Thinking of what to say to you to get you to trust me again will drive me to insanity,
I swear--especially since I don't believe I deserve the trust to begin with. I've tried everything
in my head and none of it seems to say exactly what's in my heart and soul whenever I think
of you. I suppose the direct approach is the best beginning.
In that case, I love you. I have for quite a long time, and no, I'm not speaking of only
the year we spent being together. I love everything about you, from your messy curls to your
scuffed sneakers. I daresay I've maybe loved you since that very first day we met, even as
only small children. I know I don't deserve the ability to love you after how I've hurt you,
but unfortunately for us both, it is something I cannot restrain.
You deserve better than me. I'm sure you know that--I know after how your mother
spoke to me that she knows that, and I know it all too well. I beg you'll forgive me for being
so selfish as to want you anyway. I know I've caused you pain--even the thought of that
expression you had the night you found out about my betrayal hurts me horribly. I pray
you'll someday forgive me for all I've put you through, and perhaps you can learn to
love me again?
I won't force you. I only plead for your forgiveness and love. I plead for a second
chance, because without you in my life, I will surely die. Your letter brought me hope, but
only small hope, for I know it is on me now to bring you back. I await the next--if there
will be a next--with a heart that, though broken, somehow has the strength to be terrified
of what you'll say after reading this. Please, please, reply.
Until then, I leave you with another of my songs. I know you love them and I'm
hoping this will touch you as deeply as it did me when it came to me.
Ville
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A moth into a butterfly
And a lie into the sweetest truth
I'm so afraid of life
I try to call your name
But I'm silenced by the fear
Of dying in your heart once again
I see the seasons changing
And in the heart of this autumn I fall
With the leaves from the trees
I play dead
To hide my heart
'Til the world gone dark fades away
I cry like God cries the rain
And I'm just one step away
From the end of today
I see the reasons changing
And in the warmth of the past I crawl
Scorched by the shame
I play dead
To hide my heart
'Til the world gone dark fades away
I stay dead
'Til you veil my scars
And say goodbye to fate
Before it's too late
Before it's too late
I play dead
To hide my heart
Til the world gone dark fades away
I stay dead
'Til you veil my scars
And say goodbye to fate
I play dead
To hide my heart
'Til the world gone dark fades away
Before it's too late
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ville decided to save the confession that it hadn't been he who'd written the first letter for another time. Right now, all he wanted was to let Bam know how he felt, whether it was coherently or not.
He resisted the urge to crumple up this one too. Instead he sealed it in an envelope and slid his feet into his shoes so he could walk out to the postbox and slip it in.
He didn't look back. He wanted to, but he just would not let himself. He walked with dignity back into his house and kicked off his shoes. It was Bam's choice now whether he wanted to reply or not. No matter how much he wished he could, Ville couldn't make Bam love him again if he chose not to.
*
"Bam, come out and talk to us! We know you've stopped your zombie crap already!" Bam rolled his eyes for what felt like the eightieth time and pinched Dunn's fingers so he'd get them out of the crack and he could slam the door and lock it.
"Fuck off, dude! I'm not in the mood for chit-chat at the moment." Finally feeling alive or not, Bam was still not the most fun person to be around nowadays. He was way too wrapped up in how much he missed Ville to pay attention to who was talking to him or what they were saying; so he figured it was just better not to try.
He spent his days showering, eating what he could sneak from the kitchen without being caught by his family or friends, and doing laundry to keep himself from going crazy with boredom and anticipation. It'd been eight days since he sent the last letter and still no response. As a result, Bam was a bit antsy.
Bam fell into his bed. What if Ville did write back, what then? Would he just allow the Finnish beauty to sweep him off his feet again, just like that? Should he? Or should he make him hurt first? Oh, it was all so confusing.
Bam decided thinking was overrated and he'd just do whatever felt right when the time came. He pulled a pillow over his head to drown out Dunn's incessant knocking and cleared his mind of all the bullshit. He had to relax. He needed sleep if he was to be able to answer Ville's letter the way his heart told him to.
*
Yeah, so it appeared that I wasn't going to figure out how to correctly format my letters, so...I posted it anyway. Hopefully you can bear with me anyway. ;)
Love you all! Missed you lots! Leave me some love? ♥