Breath/Speak to Me
Title: Breath/Speak to Me
Author: Loki_the_Sinner
Summary: "I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the
most of us...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad..."
Disclaimer: I only own then in my dreams…and damn are those some good dreams
So a lot of this was inspired by not only the drugs Pink Floyd took while writing Breath and Speak to me, but also the lyrics to “The path” off Love Metal, which is why I used that cd…Even though it means that the cds are released in the wrong order but I‘m using my ARTISTIC LISENCE!
So go away…
After you read…
Breathe/Speak to me
Breathe, breathe in the air.
“It’s been a long time Ville.”
Her voice was soft and kind. Ville knew it well, he’d missed this place, missed her, so very much.
“Ville, why are you here?”
He wasn’t sure really, he’d thought he was happy.
“You wouldn’t be here had you been happy.”
He knew what she said was true, but he couldn’t quite remember.
“It’s something to do with Bam isn’t it?”
Of course, Bam.
“He‘s getting married.”
It’s not fair
“You don’t want him to get married?”
I love him.
“Oh Ville, I’m so sorry my darling.”
It hurts.
“It’s daytime outside. You need to wake up.”
I’m not ready
“I’ll be right here when you return, now go.”
Don't be afraid to care.
Leave but don't leave me.
Ville sat straight up in his bed. He hadn’t had one of those dreams in a while.
They weren’t quite dreams though, because they were real. The fact that he could only get to that place while asleep meant nothing.
He’d started going when he was fifteen. It was the age that he’d started to be different, and he’d gotten picked on.
Then he’d gone ‘there’.
The place where the universe ended. Where all life began and all life ended. Illuminated by the far away stars and bursts of color like fireworks, but so much better.
It was the closest thing to paradise.
And then there was her.
She was the place, the universe. Life and death, she was everything. And she was nothing.
Her arms, warm and safe would wrap around him and she would cradle him to her chest and sing into his ear.
And soon he wanted more. He started taking sleeping pills, three four at a time, and skipping school to sleep the day away.
He even went so far as to knock himself out when he couldn’t get pills.
His grades slipped,
His body hurt,
And he was with her, nothing could get him.
Look around and choose your own ground.
Long you live and high you fly
But his friends and family soon found out and quickly placed him into therapy.
The woman he saw gave him a bottle of pills.
“Take one every morning and one every night before bed.”
And so he did.
And she was gone, he couldn’t reach her.
He told Mige about them,
“It sounds like a beautiful place.”
“It is Mige, more beautiful than you could ever imagine.”
Then the band made it big, Ville started to feel overwhelmed, the stress became too much.
He took the pills and flushed every last one.
And she came back, held him close and sang.
“Use my songs Ville; I want you to have them.”
But there yours, if I take then what will you sing?
“I can make new songs.”
Love metal was a hit.
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Mige came to him a week after it was released.
“You’re not taking your pills are you?”
Ville shook his head.
“Why! They help you Ville, you need to take them!”
“I needed her.”
And somehow Mige understood.
“I wish I could meet her, see this place.”
And Ville did to.
That night she held him tight,
“Your friend, Mige, he wants to see this place?”
Yes, he has since I first told him about it.
“Well why don’t you bring him?”
How do I do that?
“Just hold on to him as you sleep, I’ll do the rest.”
So Ville told Mige.
“Ville that’s not possible, I can’t come with you to your dream.”
“It’s not a dream Mige! Please, just try!”
“Fine, but I’m telling you it won’t work.
This time when Ville arrived ‘there’ Mige was beside him.
“I told you.”
Mige couldn’t make a sound.
She came to them then, “Are you Mige?”
“Yeah.”
He gasped as she wrapped her arms around them, “Ville has told me much about you.”
Mige smiled, “He’s talked about you to.”
“Now that you are here, do you understand better?”
“Yeah, I get it now.”
Ville reached out and took Mige’s hand.
“It won’t be like last time Mizze, only at night.”
Is all your life will ever be.
Run, rabbit run.
But now with Bam the pain was too big and Ville couldn’t handle it.
So he locked himself in his room and took the sleeping pills he kept, just in case.
Mige got worried, seeing his friend like that hurt him, and so he called Bam, the younger man always knew what to do when Ville was upset.
Bam had jumped on a plane that day and flown all the way to Finland.
“He’s in his room sleeping.”
Bam walked into Ville’s room and sat down on the edge of the bed.
He reached out and took the singers hand into his own.
Suddenly he wasn’t in Ville’s room anymore.
“What the hell.”
“Bam?”
Ville’s voice filled his ears and he turned toward it.
“Ville where are we?”
“Why are you here Bam?”
Bam moved toward him, “Vil’ where is ‘here?”
Ville just stared at him,
“Its all right Ville, I brought him.”
“Who’s there?”
She let out a small laugh, “It’s alright Bam, your safe.”
She pulled them into her arms.
“Bam?” it was Ville.
“Why did you come to see me?”
“Mige called, I’m sorry Vil”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re upset because of me. Missy is nothing! I wanted you but I was scared and now you’re hurting. I’m an ass hole!”
“Bam, I”
“Ville I love you!”
She pulled them closer.
“I love you too.”
Bam moved forward, pressing his mouth to Ville’s.
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Ville kissed back, moving a hand to the back of Bam’s neck.
The skater ran his tongue over the other mans bottom lip, begging for entrance.
Ville obliged, allowing Bam to thrust his tongue into his mouth, exploring and tasting him.
Bam’s arms wrapped around Ville’s waist and he pulled him closer, breaking the kiss.
“Ville I need you so bad.”
“Then take me.”
Bam groaned at his words and immediately started undressing them both.
As soon as all clothes were gone Ville wrapped his legs around Bam’s waist.
“Bam now!”
“Don’t you need to get ready or something? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It won’t hurt, nothing hurts here.”
And so Bam complied, pushing himself into the singer, connecting with him, claiming him.
“Oh god Bam!”
Each thrust from Bam drew moans and gasps from both men.
“Vil, I’m gonna” Bam’s sentence was left unfinished as he fell straight over the edge, taking Ville with him.
Ville cried out, burying his face in the crook of his lover’s neck.
Bam slowly pulled out of the other man, still holding him close, with no plans of letting go any time soon.
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one.
For long you live and high you fly
As they held each other in silence she began to sing,
“Just one look into your eyes
One look and I'm crying
'Cause you're so beautiful”
Ville smiled, “I think we’re ready to go know.”
“”I think so to Ville.”
The sun shone brightly through the window of Ville’s bedroom as they slowly awoke.
“Bam?” Ville’s voice was quiet, almost shy.
Bam grinned, “Morning beautiful.”
Ville smiled, “Morning.”
The dreams stopped again and Bam stayed in Finland for another week to help Ville pack so he could go stay at the castle for a while.
Missy had moved out while Bam had been in Finland.
When they got back Bam had gone off and shut himself in his room, barley coming out except to eat, shower and use the bathroom, leaving Ville hurt and confused.
Ville had been sitting on the couch reading, when Bam came in.
“I made you something.”
He handed the Finn a sheet of folded up paper and practically ran from the room.
Ville unfolded the paper and read, it was lyrics.
Bam had written him a song.
Across the top of the page in big letters was the title “Beautiful”.
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
That night she came to them.
“I’m here to say goodbye to you.”
Ville felt his eyes well up.
“Now now, don’t cry love, you really don’t need me anymore.”
Bam reached out and took Ville’s hand into his own. Ville looked over at the other man and smiled.
“I don’t, do I?”
Then he looked away out into the nothingness, “I’ll miss you.”
She briefly wrapped her arms around the two.
“Its time to wake up.”
Bam woke to find Ville still asleep, he watched for a moment before leaning over and pressing his lips to the other mans.
Ville’s eyes fluttered open.
“Good morning sweetheart.” he mumbled tiredly.
Bam grinned, “Yeah, it is a good morning huh.”
You race towards an early grave.
"I've been mad for fucking years, absolutely years, been over the edge for yonks, been working me buns off for bands..."
"I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the
most of us...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad..."