Our heaven is worth the waiting Chpt 4
To properly christen Ville's arrival Bam and Ville got tragically wasted. When Raab finally noticed that they were missing, he let them inside and they both dried off in the warmth of Bam's room then set about joining in the mayhem that the house was evident of. Consisting of everything from throwing firewood to kicking each other down the stairs in numerous containers.
When Bam eventually tired of the stunts he slumped into the grimy sofa and speedily started to fall asleep. Ville noticed this quickly as he had been paying intricate attention to him all night wanting to take in every detail of his beloved in case it was all just another excruciating dream.
He made his way over to Bam to attempt to carry him to bed. With his arms hooked under his knees and supporting his back he raised him from the chair.
Due to his own intoxication they soon both stumbled into a heap on the wooden floor:
"Willa?"
"Yea..."
"Sing to me!"
"Do you a deal; you walk, I'll sing, 'cos I'm too clobbered to carry you Bammie."
"Deal!"
With that Bam raised himself onto his hands and knees and managed to drag himself up. Ville still lay limp on the floor so Bam came to his aid.
Walking with arms wrapped around waists they helped each other up the stairs whilst Ville sang a heart-felt drunken version of 'Sigillum Diaboli'.
Once in Bam's room they both crashed onto his bed, their consciences content knowing their friends wouldn't suspect anything as they had shared a room many times before.
They had no time to feel any tension between them as they both drifted into a much-needed sleep, with each other as their only covers to keep them warm.
******
When morning came round they woke easily as the sun drew them from their sleep to blind their eyes with its radiating beauty.
Bam jumped up to close the curtains that were vulgarly forgotten the night before. He blocked out the natural beauty, as that wasn't the radiant sight he wanted to see this morning. He wanted the one that lay before him in his bed. The one with emerald eyes fluttering open to take in the surroundings. The one he knew he wanted to lie with for the entire day.
Feeling a chill in the room Ville lifted the covers and got in, Bam joining him hastily. They lay in the comfort of each other's arms, concentrating on the silence so they didn't have to worry about the confusion to come.
Thoughts rushed through Bam's head and he commented:
"I'm glad we did nothing stupid last night."
"I think going down the stairs in a trash can was stupid enough."
"No, I mean like fucking sort of stupid."
With millions of replies to that statement Ville thought of the simplest: "Why?"
"I want it to be special and to remember the damn thing."
Slightly shocked Ville enquired: "You actually want to do it?"
"Forget I said anything, I don't know, I'm talking shit." Bam shied away.
"Darling, no you're not." Ville clasped Bam's face in his palms and looked deep into his eyes.
"Okay, yeah I would. How about you?"
"Of course I would but the only difference is I would want to make love to you instead of fuck you."
Speechless, Bam decided to show his happiness through a passionate connection of mouths. Abruptly Bam drew apart just as fast as they had connected:
"Shit! Jenn's on her way home today!"
Bam shot up into an upright position and Ville's comfort was torn from him, painfully reminding him of the truth and cruelty of this love. Bam began to panic:
"Ville, I can't do this. What's going on? How is this gonna work?"
"Sweetheart, just calm down. I don’t know either, but we'll sort something I promise.
"But Ville, I know I love you!"
Stress taking the reins of the situation, Ville got onto his knees and embraced a teary scared Bam.
He shushed him before knowing reality had to happen:
"Bam, we need to face a truth that we should have spoken about a long time ago... This won't work. Just listen to me before you say I'm breaking your heart for no reason. We will always be in each other's heart, you’re my soul mate, but because of this we need to get on with our lives..."
Ville couldn't continue as the lump in his throat constricted his vocal chords due to Bam's sobbing and understanding.
"B-But I-I l-love yo-uu, Ville. Y-You got m-me to s-say it and n-now I-it's over b-before it b-began." With this, Bam released the tension in his shoulders and a sob violently wracked through his body.
"D-Darling, you know I-I love you t-too, but y-you understand why I-I'm doing this don't y-you?" Ville's sturdy composure was breaking but he had to be strong for Bam. Reluctantly Bam nodded into Ville's chest in reply to the question.
"Bam do you believe in heaven?"
"W-What sort of f-fuckin' question I-is that to ask at this t-time?"
"Because I have a belief and I hope to share it with you, now answer me."
"Yeah, now go on."
"We're soul mates right? You know I'm doing this to you because we can't be together in this world, but in heaven maybe we can, if it's true, we'll be together eternally."
Tears slowly dried from Bam's sapphire globes and a smile hinted at the corner of his lips. To create a distraction from Ville's admission the rocker got up to get the box of tissues placed on the table by the window. He came back and wiped away the tears staining Bam's perfect face, to Ville's astonishment, Bam returned the gesture, drying his soul mate’s droplets.
After the assignment was finished Bam pulled Ville into an embrace, sharing his love and willing the rest of the world to disintegrate around them.
"That was so sweet. Where the hell did that come from?"
"Just remember how many nights I've had to fantasize about this"
"I'm sorry to put you through all that pain."
"How do you know I was suffering?"
"'Cos I'm feeling it all right now."
"Oh Bam" Ville held Bam harder and tighter than ever before because it was all that mattered at that moment, the love they shared needed to be nursed while their time together had to inflict an ache on their hearts, which could only be soothed by the promise of death.
"Go take a shower, you know Jenn will strop if she sees you like this."
"Come with me"
"Bam, I don't know if I should..."
"Please, just let me hold you for the last time before this facade begins."
The statement was too hard for Ville to turn down and his hesitation was dissipated as the look of pleading was overflowing in Bam's eyes.
*****
Once the water was running over them both, Ville opened his arms to take Bam into him one more time. Bam rested his head on Ville's shoulder trying to recover from the confusion of the last few days.
In attempt to keep self-possession Ville leant forward to get the shower gel and sponge, knowing Bam needed to be clean for his girlfriend.
"Ville, please...oh" He had began to argue at the movement but realised the rocker was only moving so he could lather his body up for him.
"Turn around" Ville stated as he sensually washed the man who his heart belonged to. Feeling vibrations as the water shakily ran off the body he was washing, he turned Bam around, seeing more tears being released.
"You silly sod"
"Shut up, it's your fault"
He kissed him so gently that the moment felt so perfect to Bam, as if he was reliving yesterday's happiness of lying in the rain, when he felt so carefree. He cursed his stupidity.
When released from the cavern that was the shower, where they had shared so much emotion, the two lovers got dressed and went about clearing the house of the evidence from the night before. Both mentally preparing themselves for the battle of hearts that lay ahead.
When Bam eventually tired of the stunts he slumped into the grimy sofa and speedily started to fall asleep. Ville noticed this quickly as he had been paying intricate attention to him all night wanting to take in every detail of his beloved in case it was all just another excruciating dream.
He made his way over to Bam to attempt to carry him to bed. With his arms hooked under his knees and supporting his back he raised him from the chair.
Due to his own intoxication they soon both stumbled into a heap on the wooden floor:
"Willa?"
"Yea..."
"Sing to me!"
"Do you a deal; you walk, I'll sing, 'cos I'm too clobbered to carry you Bammie."
"Deal!"
With that Bam raised himself onto his hands and knees and managed to drag himself up. Ville still lay limp on the floor so Bam came to his aid.
Walking with arms wrapped around waists they helped each other up the stairs whilst Ville sang a heart-felt drunken version of 'Sigillum Diaboli'.
Once in Bam's room they both crashed onto his bed, their consciences content knowing their friends wouldn't suspect anything as they had shared a room many times before.
They had no time to feel any tension between them as they both drifted into a much-needed sleep, with each other as their only covers to keep them warm.
******
When morning came round they woke easily as the sun drew them from their sleep to blind their eyes with its radiating beauty.
Bam jumped up to close the curtains that were vulgarly forgotten the night before. He blocked out the natural beauty, as that wasn't the radiant sight he wanted to see this morning. He wanted the one that lay before him in his bed. The one with emerald eyes fluttering open to take in the surroundings. The one he knew he wanted to lie with for the entire day.
Feeling a chill in the room Ville lifted the covers and got in, Bam joining him hastily. They lay in the comfort of each other's arms, concentrating on the silence so they didn't have to worry about the confusion to come.
Thoughts rushed through Bam's head and he commented:
"I'm glad we did nothing stupid last night."
"I think going down the stairs in a trash can was stupid enough."
"No, I mean like fucking sort of stupid."
With millions of replies to that statement Ville thought of the simplest: "Why?"
"I want it to be special and to remember the damn thing."
Slightly shocked Ville enquired: "You actually want to do it?"
"Forget I said anything, I don't know, I'm talking shit." Bam shied away.
"Darling, no you're not." Ville clasped Bam's face in his palms and looked deep into his eyes.
"Okay, yeah I would. How about you?"
"Of course I would but the only difference is I would want to make love to you instead of fuck you."
Speechless, Bam decided to show his happiness through a passionate connection of mouths. Abruptly Bam drew apart just as fast as they had connected:
"Shit! Jenn's on her way home today!"
Bam shot up into an upright position and Ville's comfort was torn from him, painfully reminding him of the truth and cruelty of this love. Bam began to panic:
"Ville, I can't do this. What's going on? How is this gonna work?"
"Sweetheart, just calm down. I don’t know either, but we'll sort something I promise.
"But Ville, I know I love you!"
Stress taking the reins of the situation, Ville got onto his knees and embraced a teary scared Bam.
He shushed him before knowing reality had to happen:
"Bam, we need to face a truth that we should have spoken about a long time ago... This won't work. Just listen to me before you say I'm breaking your heart for no reason. We will always be in each other's heart, you’re my soul mate, but because of this we need to get on with our lives..."
Ville couldn't continue as the lump in his throat constricted his vocal chords due to Bam's sobbing and understanding.
"B-But I-I l-love yo-uu, Ville. Y-You got m-me to s-say it and n-now I-it's over b-before it b-began." With this, Bam released the tension in his shoulders and a sob violently wracked through his body.
"D-Darling, you know I-I love you t-too, but y-you understand why I-I'm doing this don't y-you?" Ville's sturdy composure was breaking but he had to be strong for Bam. Reluctantly Bam nodded into Ville's chest in reply to the question.
"Bam do you believe in heaven?"
"W-What sort of f-fuckin' question I-is that to ask at this t-time?"
"Because I have a belief and I hope to share it with you, now answer me."
"Yeah, now go on."
"We're soul mates right? You know I'm doing this to you because we can't be together in this world, but in heaven maybe we can, if it's true, we'll be together eternally."
Tears slowly dried from Bam's sapphire globes and a smile hinted at the corner of his lips. To create a distraction from Ville's admission the rocker got up to get the box of tissues placed on the table by the window. He came back and wiped away the tears staining Bam's perfect face, to Ville's astonishment, Bam returned the gesture, drying his soul mate’s droplets.
After the assignment was finished Bam pulled Ville into an embrace, sharing his love and willing the rest of the world to disintegrate around them.
"That was so sweet. Where the hell did that come from?"
"Just remember how many nights I've had to fantasize about this"
"I'm sorry to put you through all that pain."
"How do you know I was suffering?"
"'Cos I'm feeling it all right now."
"Oh Bam" Ville held Bam harder and tighter than ever before because it was all that mattered at that moment, the love they shared needed to be nursed while their time together had to inflict an ache on their hearts, which could only be soothed by the promise of death.
"Go take a shower, you know Jenn will strop if she sees you like this."
"Come with me"
"Bam, I don't know if I should..."
"Please, just let me hold you for the last time before this facade begins."
The statement was too hard for Ville to turn down and his hesitation was dissipated as the look of pleading was overflowing in Bam's eyes.
*****
Once the water was running over them both, Ville opened his arms to take Bam into him one more time. Bam rested his head on Ville's shoulder trying to recover from the confusion of the last few days.
In attempt to keep self-possession Ville leant forward to get the shower gel and sponge, knowing Bam needed to be clean for his girlfriend.
"Ville, please...oh" He had began to argue at the movement but realised the rocker was only moving so he could lather his body up for him.
"Turn around" Ville stated as he sensually washed the man who his heart belonged to. Feeling vibrations as the water shakily ran off the body he was washing, he turned Bam around, seeing more tears being released.
"You silly sod"
"Shut up, it's your fault"
He kissed him so gently that the moment felt so perfect to Bam, as if he was reliving yesterday's happiness of lying in the rain, when he felt so carefree. He cursed his stupidity.
When released from the cavern that was the shower, where they had shared so much emotion, the two lovers got dressed and went about clearing the house of the evidence from the night before. Both mentally preparing themselves for the battle of hearts that lay ahead.