(no subject)
...yesterday was god awful.
go right ahead, click on the little link and become enlightened.
I had someone very close to me insult who I am, Break me down completely, And turn around everything I have said or done for the past few months. I’ve had every bit of positive advice I tried to give them turned around and thrown in my face, every last possible thing they could think of that has ever been done for me thrown in my face. Every time I tried to defend myself there was a negative statement thrown at me trying to prove me wrong. I have been hurt over and over again and will not tolerate it anymore. In reality the entire situation did make me really wake up and realize something. From yesterday on, I will no longer give a shit what anyone thinks about me, because I know who I am and I know what I'm about. I know that in my heart I am not a bad person and would never do something out of spite to someone who I care about, nor would I ever be vindictive. I've realized that I am truly a good person. I have also realized that when people insult me and try to do nothing but make me hate everything about myself it's because there's something that they aren't happy with, within THEMSELVES. I have gone on entirely too long fearing ridicule or bad judgment being passed on me and I am done with it. I will not sit here and brag about how good of a friend I am. Because I can admit that I haven't been a great person 100% of the time. BUT... Jesus Christ himself wasn't perfect 100% of the time either. People need to realize that. Yes. I have fucked up, but you have too. I can say though, that as much as I have fucked up I have done a lot for many people. am I going to sit here and rattle off a list of every good deed that I've ever done? absolutely not. Not now, not ever... And the reason why I won't do that is because if I have ever done anything for anyone it was because it makes me feel good to see others happy, Not because I need to make myself feel better, and certainly not so that I can go tit for tat with anyone about who has done more for who. I have been doing nothing but trying to make myself a better person. I want to be happy and at peace.. I have done the things I've done such as reconciling with people who I don't get along with because I want to be a better person. I don't want to have a list of enemies that stretches across the entire state of New Jersey.. So as much as someone has brought me down, I simply will not allow it to effect me. I intend on surrounding myself with people who I know are trustworthy, caring, and people who want to see good come out of others, not people who thrive off of the misery of others... and if surrounding myself with people who fit those incredibly high standards that I plan on holding means I will be ALONE because I feel as if nobody fits that, then so be it.. because it shouldn't be a lot to ask of people to be genuine.
That’s it. That’s all I really have to say.
Oh, and one last thing. If so help me fucking god that I get one more motherfucking impertinent message, comment, IM, or phone call… The computer, television, phone and every other electronic device that I own will be tossed off a cliff and I will then be on the next horse and buggy to Lancaster where I will reside with the Amish, this way I can entirely evade the harassment..
I
my day was good. I want it remain that way. And I guess I really am the person who chooses my own happiness.