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[_arspoetica_]

I don't want to be writing this at all; when I feel that someone has betrayed me I don't really forgive and forget but I do try to put it out of my mind and not let it completely pollute and control my mood. I honestly, honestly have been really steadily happy lately because I have made a point to be aware of the decisions I make and haven't

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[umbluemusic]

I don't ask you to take care of me at all. To be honest, I keep a lot more inside than you know. Its part of the reason I've been so reliant on my doctors appointments - because you don't share your family life or life in general very often, and so I bottle up the things I used to share with Carly and Alecia and Lea and people that I had to depend on my first two years, because I don't want to burden you with them. Because you don't share anythingAnd the fact that you say that you make the decisions for yourself...fine. I see now that is the way it is. But the fact that I didn't eat, because I was at work, definitely was the reason the night went like it did. Up until the point that I last remember, I had a glass of wine, a mixed drink (it was on the stronger side though), and a jello shot and a regular shot. Even if you count all of those on the high side, it was about 5-6 drinks. Which, over the time and with my weight, should not have been blackout material. And the part of the night that I remember, there were plenty of