I WANNA BE JUST LIKE SUE
+ONE SURVEY.
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | amy being put in a home
02 | living in the burg forever
03 | ....not really much else
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THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | jessm
02 | naya&suz
03 | joy
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THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | shopping
02 | books
03 | sleep
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THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | stroudsburg
02 | losing friends
03 | girls
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THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | the world
02 | bigots
03 | myself
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THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | computer
02 | hp itinerary
03 | my cell phone
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THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | discussing the loathesome ills of love with maria
02 | wearing amazing mexican old navy pjs
03 | lj-in it
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THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | be happy
02 | be published
03 | adopt
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THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | tempestuous
02 | spontaneous
03 | powerhouse
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THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | be patient
02 | keept xmas presents a secret
03 | stop cursing
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THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | reggie and the full effect- songs not to get married to
02 | punk goes 80s
03 alk3- crimson
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THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | PAD THAI
02 | spicy tuna rolls
03 | lina's chicken. lina is jess's gram. oh fuck is it good
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THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | to stop being an awful person
02 | how to make more monies
03 | how to not get fat.
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THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | water w lemon
02 | diet coke with lime
03 | diet coke
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THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | eurekas castle
02 | under the umbrella tree
03 | weenerville
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THREE SMELLS YOU RECOMMEND:
01 | BCBG metro
02 | anna sui
03 | curious
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THREE NAMES FOR MY CHILDREN COULD BE:
01 | mae/ava
02 | jack/malachy/toby
03 | frida/sylvia/seamus
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THREE CANDIES YOU CRAVE:
01 | crazins
02 | granola bars
03 | starburst
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THREE MOVIES YOU WOULD SUGGEST:
01 the pacifier
02 | eternal sunshine
03 | igby goes down
unsent letters
1. in all right i should very well hate you. and i cant. because for that one shitty thing is completely erased for every time you have been there for me more than anyone. we're an unstoppable pair, and we're gonna get the fuck outta this place, kid. just as soon as we stop shopping :) youre the best person i could have in my life ever, you know me better than you know yourself. this is just stupid and cliche, so i dont know why im writing it. but yeah iloveyou, and always will bitchface.
2. ohh, my dear dear girl. youre one of the only people other than number one i still keep in contact with from the old days. possibly because youre a fucking goddess whether you know it or not. ive always been jealous of how fucking pretty you are, and how sure of yourself, how secure you are. it is a very very rare thing indeed to see, and you pull it off with style. you are my samantha. my sister, my fellow fashonista, (although i beg to disagree on the velour handbags.) i love you like a sister and i know im not always there, because im a horrid birdbrain and am too damn lazy to call anyone. dont ever be afraid to call me when you need something, because id take a fucking bullet for you.
3. i am the worst bridesmaid ever. i am unreliable, lazy, and impossible to get a hold of. and im sorry. i dont want you to think that i dont love you, or that im trying to shrik my responsibilities, because i was seriously stunned when you asked me. it was a huge honor, and it made me feel so fucking special its unbelievable. youve been a huge part of my life since i was little and youre the big sister i never had. youre so fucking understanding its ridiculous. when im scared to tell people things bc i think im being judged, and i tell you, i feel alright. you are everything i wish i could be and never will be because i just cant discipline myself to being as dedicated as you. youre finally a REAL adult and i wish i could say i was scared for you, but im not. youre going to come out on top. because youre just that good. ilove you.
4. you poor boy. you poor poor boy. what the fuck did you get yourself into with me? im crazy, i yell, i act like a fucking nutcase, and am hardly ever typically affectionate. and somehow youre still here. most people would slap me upside the head and call me a fucking headcase. you give me space when i need it, even though it takes a little time for you to get a hang of it. youre insane to love me, and think that what levels us out. your unshakable belief in me, and my mercurial nature. still, i doubt you ever thought it would be this crazy.
5. i regret doing what i did to you. it was fucked up. i'll admit it now, i accused you of being jealous; but in reality, it was me being jealous. you were one of my best friends, for a short time, but reguardless i loved you. i still love you. and this year we didnt see eachother. you got new friends. i was replaced. it bothered me that i was sidestage, watching you sara and adrienne hanging out, instead of me and you. or me you and joy. im stupid and i always treated you badly. i always am an asshole to the ones i really love. and i know thats how i show affection, but you didnt, most people dont. i guess its just the way my family is, i dont know. if i could take it all back, i would. in a heartbeat. except the elevator. that is too funny to take back. i hope youre doing ok. i always ask joy about you. i pretend that i hate you, that im so angry at you. but really im angry at myself for fucking this up. i'm happy that things finally fell together for you and him. hes a great guy, he'll treat you amazing. i hope if you ever read this you dont take it as a way of me trying to win you back. its only an apology, and a regret for throwing away someone who really amazed me. because you did. and you still do.
6. i wasted too many fucking years, tears, and people on you. oh, dear little bulldozer, how you fucking broke me up and wrecked my life. over and over again. and, for the honest to god truth, for the first time ever since ive known you, i can honestly say there is nothing anymore. and it leaves me a bit hollow. its weird to love someone for 6 years and then stop. but i guess i just finally saw theres no use caring for something that never was. youre still my friend. im ok with that. i hope that youre happy. always. thats all i ever wanted for you. and for a while i thought i could be that for you. but i was wrong. and i admit that fully. i wish for you the best life concievable.
7. i'm ruining your life and you dont even know it. but, the amusing thing is, its all kharma. and you deserve it. every last bit. you dont know it yet, but soon it will be so evident, sitting on your precious little ski jump nose. what a surprise you'll have waiting for you. not quite unlike the one you left for me.
8. i miss you. i dont regret what i did. i am a shitty person for it. but i will never regret it. because if i didnt do it, id prob still be in an unhappy relationship with a boy who lied to make himself more appealing. i thought it was the right thing to do at the time. and i still think it was. but it doesnt mean the way i went about it wasnt wrong. and im sorry that it affected our friendship. youre a really good guy. she'll be good for you. i always knew she would. so this is the point where i say i told you both so. i hope youre always happy.
9. you werent in the army. you arent working for the goddamn US marshall this year. i think you really hate yourself. and i think thats sad. i wish i could have made you better instead of hurting you more. i hope kelly works out for you. i hope you still have that amazing wedding you planned out for us, just with someone who fits your picture better. you and i both know i couldnt live in a home with mounted deer heads on the wall, playing betty crocker with kids and a lab. i would have made you miserable, more miserable than i did when we were together.but i hope youre happy now. i only wish good things for you.
10. slutface i miss you. let's bake cookies with your beta while your brothers friends try to accost you and your enormous rack. you seriously are just legs with boobs. hah i love you, my little doppleganger. i miss when we were really close. i probably seem really petty and stupid to you. and i am. i hated your boyfriend a while because he stole you from me. but hes good for you, he really is. i couldnt see you with someone normal. his mild retardation is endearing. and i really do love him now. i miss you. i wish you werent going so far away. i wish i wasnt such a bad friend to you. i think i wish too much, and do too little. ilove you you silly little midget.
11. you my dear dear boy. if you lived on this coast you'd be the left hip whilst jess is the right. i find it amazing that someone 4,000 miles away can means as much to me as you do. we need to get rid of these tedious miles and i either need to move to ca, or you need to get here. either way. we should be inseperable, because i think thats how we were supposed to be made. either that or im just going to have to convince you to marry me. then we'll neverbe apart :) i miss you. i wish we got to see eachother more than one day when i was there. but ill be back soon so i guess we'll make up for it then :)
yes. i think im done