"My whole life has been a waste - I've been a failure. I just want to escape. I'm really embarrassed with myself and my life. I want to be a missionary. I think I could do that while keeping my dignity without letting people know they chased me out of the country. I want to get this part of my life over as soon as possible. In this country nothing
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You sound like you're yearning for an exile of some sort. I had to write a 3000 word essay on it this past week, can give you a copy if you like.
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I'd love to read your essay. I actually took a seminar on Exile in my freshman year at NYU. We read Ovid, Kristeva, Benjamin, Said, Exodus, Cavafy. Others I can't remember. It was a good class.
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