First of all, It is not bad. You are very silly, and deserve to be lightsabered for thinking so. *brandishes lightsaber* I very much like the atmosphere of the first paragraph, the bits about "glittering, waning sunlight", the Ravenclaws "brooding intellectually over their cigarettes. I like the fact that Ron's coat is "never quite warm enough". And then this: only as almost-Bill and not-quite-Charlie. That's perfect. And there's so much I love about the third; I can see the scene in my mind, and it's so quiet, and soft, and romantic in a way that isn't sugary or forced. It's evocative, and when I read it I thought, "I've been there", and in so few words it expresses exactly that fleeting, hopeful contentment. There is something so beautifully wondrous about walking through melting snow with Harry running up behind him, smiling and chattering like they're eleven years old again, just coming back from Harry's first Quidditch match. It glows warmly in Ron's chest, and he thinks, this is what I'm missing. And then there's sweet drunken
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I very much like the atmosphere of the first paragraph, the bits about "glittering, waning sunlight", the Ravenclaws "brooding intellectually over their cigarettes. I like the fact that Ron's coat is "never quite warm enough".
And then this: only as almost-Bill and not-quite-Charlie. That's perfect.
And there's so much I love about the third; I can see the scene in my mind, and it's so quiet, and soft, and romantic in a way that isn't sugary or forced. It's evocative, and when I read it I thought, "I've been there", and in so few words it expresses exactly that fleeting, hopeful contentment. There is something so beautifully wondrous about walking through melting snow with Harry running up behind him, smiling and chattering like they're eleven years old again, just coming back from Harry's first Quidditch match. It glows warmly in Ron's chest, and he thinks, this is what I'm missing.
And then there's sweet drunken ( ... )
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er. I can't think of proper responses because I am all worried about things! *scrambles*
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