You have such great imagery - the first three lines of the second stanza especially (although I have no idea what a tommmy is, I assume some other ethnic group), I totally know exactly who you're talking about! The last stanza conveys a sense of futility and progress at the same time, very interesting juxtaposition, that people keep entering the field even though it's so difficult no matter what your bent.
The suggestion I have is that you don't have a clear idea linking the three stanzas. Sort of....but I'm making some big guesses on what you have in mind. It sort of seems like you're purposefully keeping your meaning a secret. I don't know a lot about poetry, but being symbolic and big-picture works, you don't want to be completely literal, but you don't want to hide, either. You've got an anger going on and some vulnerability too. What's that vulnerability about?
Thanks for a profound comment. Tommy is a nickname for British. Well as for linking... me too. in general it was all about like ok, the show which lasted for such a long time (whatever the show might be) is over but there will be another show (with different actors, maybe) and it ain't gonna be chicken easy. Literality - I hate, though. However I just wanted to show the current emotions, you see. Vulnerability? Damn right! I am vulnerable as every strong person (of inner strength) - too much time living for someone else's sake, having no (literally no) friends or soulmates, being aparted from the sweetest girl I ever met, facing all that stuff with parents o'mine. And all this provided I got nobody's shoulder to lay my head on. That's what vulnerability is all about. Again, thanks, I appreciate
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The suggestion I have is that you don't have a clear idea linking the three stanzas. Sort of....but I'm making some big guesses on what you have in mind. It sort of seems like you're purposefully keeping your meaning a secret. I don't know a lot about poetry, but being symbolic and big-picture works, you don't want to be completely literal, but you don't want to hide, either. You've got an anger going on and some vulnerability too. What's that vulnerability about?
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Well as for linking... me too. in general it was all about like ok, the show which lasted for such a long time (whatever the show might be) is over but there will be another show (with different actors, maybe) and it ain't gonna be chicken easy. Literality - I hate, though. However I just wanted to show the current emotions, you see.
Vulnerability? Damn right! I am vulnerable as every strong person (of inner strength) - too much time living for someone else's sake, having no (literally no) friends or soulmates, being aparted from the sweetest girl I ever met, facing all that stuff with parents o'mine. And all this provided I got nobody's shoulder to lay my head on.
That's what vulnerability is all about.
Again, thanks, I appreciate
Reply
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