You're still the one I kiss goodnight
Today was really nothing special, hung out with Clara :-D it was fun. We hung out with Max, that was weird. And yeah. I'm way to lazy to write everything that I did today. I'm bringing people up to the new house next week, I want to bring; Ashley, Clara, Joe, and Drew. If you really want to come......just call me I guess.
Why the hell do I keep thinking that he still loves me? He cant, he's with the girl he says he loves. I love Ashley to pieces she's one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. But he should be with me. I dont think she even knows half t he stuff he's done in the last month. If she did she wouldnt be with him. I wanted to tell her so many times, but I cant do that to him. I know he's happy, but how can he just stop thinking and caring about me. Doesnt he know how much this is killing me? Yeah I didnt think about him for like what a whole week? So I hooked up with two other guys this week? Now I'm thinking about him more and more every second. I'm counting down the hours until he comes home, until I'll be able to see him. You can still love someone even if you're with someone else right? He must love me, I hope. Someday he'll come back to me he has to. I know I will never stop loving him. Wow as I'm reading over this I'm realizing how incredibly insane I sound, so please dont hate me anymore for all this shit.
Today Clara and I went to the movies. We were in the same theatre me and Drew were in when we went to see Lords of Dogtown v_v and I just kept thinking about that night. And everything that happend from then on. I loved him even more everyday. During thoes three weeks he treated me right for once. I really felt like he cared about me. That's why I could believe him when he told me he loved me that day.
Drew.....::sighs:: he knew just the right may to touch me and kiss me. Brendan, it was just so akward. I like wanted to tell him what to do. And even when he would do something I liked it was still wrong cus it wasnt Drew doing it. Another thing I noticed is that I cant look other guys in the eyes anymore. Like ones I'm gonna hook up with or somthing. Like I cant look at Brendan at all. And Max I just couldnt......it was all so weird. It acctually made me sad looking in to their eyes. Drew's eyes were always soooo welcoming, and like his eyes looked deep inside of me and they knew everything so then he could make everything better. But thoes eyes could make me do anything he wanted me to. I was scared of what thoes eyes would do to me somtimes.
What the hell is wrong with me! Why am I thinking about him so much? I need to stop. NOW