The Meteor

[uy_lance]

I've said it a hundred times and I'll say it once more: I'm not a poet. However, I was required to write a poem for my War Poetry class, and this is what came out. We were told to write something about war or similar. After the poem I'll write what this is about (under a cut) but I'd like your ideas without the knowledge of what it was before.

Comments

Criticism

[man_of_snows]

For whatever reason, and don't ask me to plumb my unconscious, the poem evoked the eagles on dollar bills. Burning money falling to the ground, unspent.

You say you are not a poet, but you have a sharp eye on how to structure your language on the page to add meaning.

with feeble wings spread, soaring--
to
the ground,

This is a great contrast and gives the reader a sense of the futility in trying to soar. You use this device well at the end of your poem.

In the latter part of your poem, "them" has its own line. It took me a moment to reference "them" with stars. Did you add this emphasis to "them" on purpose?

In the second half of your poem, you use a lot of alliteration using the letter L. ;) It can come of heavy-handed to the ear.

It is a solid poem for someone who says they are not a poet.

Re: Criticism

[uy_lance]

Thank you very much for the criticism.

"Them" is on it's own line because, since in my view this is about 9/11, the "them" are those who died and I wanted a line to pay them homage.

But again, thank you.

[naked_intent]

I swear I've read about 5 versions of this poem by now. I wonder which this is