Do you remember this?
Agent Teena: *looking for Irvine*
Artemis: Irvine who?
Agent Teena: *blink*
Artemis: "yeah i cracked up while i was arguing with my mom and stabbed myself in the leg and arm with a fork"
Artemis: Where do I find these people?
Agent Teena: *is utterly confused now*
Artemis: Oh hi. You wanted something?
Agent Teena: Artemis?
Artemis: Yes?
Agent Teena: You have issues. Where's Irvine?
Artemis: Of course I have issues. And he's not here.
Agent Teena: *pouts* Still?
Artemis: I haven't seen him anyway
Agent Teena: *grumble*
Artemis: Sorry? Can I take a message?
Agent Teena: No. You can't take a Kami-damned message. Author said Archer told her he should have been back, and that was over half an hour ago. I'm WORRIED and on the verge of going looking for him.
Artemis: Err...
Agent Teena: Err. Yeah, that makes me feel much better. *sarcastic? her? Naaaah*
Artemis: Feh *sulks off to look for the wayward agent*
Artemis: Hrm.
Agent Teena: What 'hrm'?
Artemis: Well, if you want to talk to him...
Agent Teena: Spit it out, Artemis...
Artemis: I found an Irvine. Dun think it's the right one.
Agent Teena: ....That's not good.
Artemis: I suppose not, no.
Agent Teena: That's not good at all and if that warped version hurt my mate I'm going to make him pay.
Artemis: You don't have to tell me that >_>
Agent Teena: Where is he?
Artemis: Over there...
Agent Teena: *well that was specific, wasn't it? heads 'over there', then, one hand in her pocket*
Artemis: Ai...
Diablos: If you would please, she wishes to speak to me.
Artemis: No. Go'way.
Agent Teena: Do you want him dealt with or not, Artemis?
Artemis: Fine. You talk to him then.
Agent Teena: *smiles sweetly, which is, of course, when she's at her second most dangerous* Irvine Kinneas, I presume.
Diablos: *nods his head slightly*
Agent Teena: *tilts her head and looks him over* And judging from the fact that you're here at HQ, I'm going to take a wild guess that you're the one that's been causing trouble here and there. Knocking out the canon and dumping him in Garden's basement, for example.
Diablos: *watches her calmly* Yes, I am 'that one'. If I may be so forward...you are Teena, are you not?
Agent Teena: *eyes narrow* Yes. Yes, I am. You know my name how?
Diablos: I have been around here for a few days, and I have not spent the entire time sneaking about 'causing trouble'.
Agent Teena: *mutters* I knew I should have tried the spell again when we came back to HQ, but no, he seemed so confident that the portal wouldn't have been left unguarded... *aloud* Can't see what reason you would have to find things out about me.
Diablos: I doubt that you would.
Agent Teena: *sourly* Why do you people always have to cast aspersions on my intelligence? In point of fact, I can think of several reasons, I was hoping playing dumb would get you to tell me which one it was. *pulls her hand out of her pocket with ofuda in it, fans them* But frankly, I'd rather know why you're here and Agent Irvine isn't.
Diablos: You misunderstand me. I meant no insult to your intelligence, I simply meant that my motivations are probably not clear to anyone aside myself. As for why your agent is not here, I have to admit that I do not know.
Agent Teena: *faint flash of relief, quickly masked* Probably out searching for you, then. Fruitlessly, of course, seeing as you're here.
Diablos: *faint smile* Yes, I am here. *waves one hand idly* And I do not appear to be making myself very threatening, do I?
Agent Teena: A threat doesn't always have to look like a threat to be one. That's sort of my corallary to the general rule of thumb around here of 'Beware cute fluffy things.'
Diablos: I am neither cute nor fluffy.
Agent Teena: Yeah. I felt the usual rule of thumb was too limited, that's why I came up with the corallary.
Diablos: Understandable.
Agent Teena: Since we're having SUCH a civilized and pleasant conversation, mind assuaging my burning curiosity and telling me just WHY you felt the need to knock out the canon and dump him in Garden's basement?
Diablos: I just love civilized conversation. And I don't mind at all, as compromising as the answer may be. It is quite simple, really. Two canons, one world? It just will not work. It was either me or him, and I was not finding any suitable alternatives...
Agent Teena: Well, it WAS his world, that should be pointed out. And I take it the appearance of the portal HERE opened up all manner of...suitable alternatives.
Diablos: Yes, it did.
Agent Teena: You're aware that this is thoroughly creepy, correct?
Diablos: Please elaborate.
Agent Teena: I'm fully aware of and totally comfortable with the existence of alternate versions of people. Doesn't bother me at all that Irvine Kinneas, Galbadian sharpshooter, and Agent Irvine, DIA, are at the same time the same person and very different people. But a certain seperation is expected. He's there, Agent Irvine is here, various other versions are in their own realities. Now all of a sudden, here YOU are, looking like him but very, very different.
Diablos: *nods* Indeed. I am an abnormality. Here it is not as much of a problem as it is elsewhere, but it still throws off that certain balance. I shouldn't exist at all.
Agent Teena: But, alas, there's that damn self-preservation instinct to think of. *eyes him thoughtfully* You're not really an alternate reality version, are you? You're a product of the warping.
Diablos: Very astute observation. Yes.
Agent Teena: That...could explain a lot. *under her breath* Like why you feel so damn strange... *aloud again* What do you want?
Diablos: Well, I'd prefer not to get killed.
Agent Teena: Yeah, well, most people would. Aside from that.
Diablos: I want the same thing that anybody else in my position would. I want a place to stay...a home, you might say.
Agent Teena: *bites her lip a little and focuses through the dampener, trying to get a sense of whether he's telling the truth or not*
Artemis: Ai, I'd be careful if I were you...
Agent Teena: *is being careful, thank you, you'll notice she's not taking the bloody thing OFF to make this easier*
Artemis: *thibbits*
Diablos: *watches her, expression blank*
Agent Teena: *brow furrows a little, she can still feel that strange, not-quite-right-ness radiating off him, but that's apparently all she's getting from him* What do you plan to do when you find this home?
Diablos: That depends on where it is.
Agent Teena: How nicely vague. Let's assume, for the moment, it's some nice FF8 version that doesn't have an Irvine for some reason or other.
Diablos: Are you asking if I would fill in the spot and be a good canon Irvine, odd though I may be? Perhaps.
Agent Teena: *sighs* Wasn't really expecting a straight answer, honestly. But I hoped, nonetheless.
Diablos: If I gave you a straight answer, it would be a lie, and what would that accomplish?
Agent Teena: *whimsically* It would make me feel better? *gets serious* I'm just not terribly eager to get in a fight to the death with somebody who looks like Irvine. I'd LIKE to be able to talk to a friend of mine who's good with alternate realities about finding an empty slot for you and be reasonably sure that yeah, you're not going to try to take over the world and cause slaughter, bloodshed, mayhem and destruction. But you're not really building much confidence.
Agent Teena: I know some people who act like you, and much as I like them, they're generally villains.
Diablos: You would trust me even less if I were too friendly, and tried to make excuses.
Agent Teena: There's this thing called middle ground, am I the only one who understands the concept?
Diablos: Perhaps. I must admit that I am confused, myself, and so it makes it difficult to answer questions in a straight and confident way.
Agent Teena: I suppose it would. I also suppose, though this is probably an entirely too revealing and dangerous statement, that I'd find it easier to consider you possibly at some point something approaching trustworthy if I could actually SENSE anything other than wrongness from you.
Diablos: You are an empath, after all. The problem here is that all you will be able to sense from me will feel wrong...At least as long as you are wearing that. *gestures at the dampener* I am an abnormality, of a severe kind, after all.
Agent Teena: *has decided this guy knows entirely too much, and she doesn't like it at all* Yeah, well, I'm certainly not taking it off anytime soon. *little, faintly mocking smile* Nothing personal, of course.
Diablos: *smiles back* Of course not.
Agent Teena: So...you not only know my name, you know I'm an empath. Not something I actually keep secret, but not really something I loudly make much of, either.
Diablos: The latter was simple. You think that I can't tell that you're trying to get a sense of my motivations? I can feel it.
Agent Teena: *frowns* Isn't that interesting. Most people can't.
Diablos: Most people are not, apparently, the result of a warped reality.
Agent Teena: Yeah... seems to give you all sorts of talents most people don't have...
Diablos: It gives me an interesting perspective.
Agent Teena: I'm sure it does. I'm not entirely sure I like your perspective.
Diablos: I do not think that the agent does, either, unfortunately.
Agent Teena: I can't say I'm surprised. Then again, I wouldn't be too delighted about the perspective of a person who put a sword at my back, myself.
Diablos: It was the only way I was going to get to talk.
Agent Teena: We also sort of frown on the mistreatment of canons, here, so knocking out the original is a heavy strike against you, too.
Diablos: Not the most endearing thing to do, I admit.
Agent Teena: *sighs a bit* You realize, as a duty-bound and fully sanctioned member of the PPC, I'm probably expected to take you into custody, right?
Diablos: I do realize that, yes.
Agent Teena: And I suppose you intend to resist said taking into custody.
Diablos: Supposing that you do attempt to take me into custody, yes, I'm afraid so. It is odd, though, that I've been chased all through this place, and yet I still end up here on my own...
Agent Teena: Odd is pretty much status quo here. And Agent Irvine would be terribly disappointed in me if I didn't try to take you into custody, I suspect. Really, what would I tell him? 'Your possibly evil alter-ego showed up, we had a nice chat, then I let him go his merry way'?
Diablos: I suppose that he would be less than pleased.
Agent Teena: Probably, yes. So, sorry, but we're probably going to have to do the whole custody fight thing. *vaguely amused look* Perhaps I could have phrased that better.
Diablos: Yes...
Agent Teena: *sighs* I was kind of hoping to avoid this, but nobody's showing up to take the problem off my hands, and the clock is ticking, so we'd better get on with it. *lifts her hand, fanning out the ofuda*
Diablos: *takes a step back* You don't think that's odd?
Agent Teena: *eyes narrow* I don't think what's odd?
Diablos: That it's taking the agent this long to catch up with me?
Agent Teena: ...Yes. Actually I do. You said you didn't know why he wasn't here...then again, it's entirely possible you were lying. Even likely, all things considered. Your point would be?
Diablos: My point is that maybe I don't know, but I might have a better idea than you would.
Agent Teena: *dryly* And I should trust you to help me?
Diablos: That depends, doesn't it?
Agent Teena: On?
Diablos: If I have a good reason to help you, then it might not be asking so much.
Agent Teena: And what, pray tell, would constitute a good reason?
Diablos: I'd rather not have to get into the 'whole custody fight thing', if I could help it.
Agent Teena: Ah. I see. And if I take you up on this and we find him and it turns out he was just being stubborn again, I'm going to feel damn silly about making such a deal.
Diablos: Perhaps, but you won't be any worse off.
Agent Teena: Won't be any better, either, and you have no idea how much all this is cutting into my sex life. *flicks the ofuda up into a little stack* But I'm concerned. It's a deal, but don't expect me to turn my back on you.
Diablos: Perish the thought...
Agent Teena: Better the thought perishes than I do.
Diablos: Of course. *looks vaguely thoughtful*
Agent Teena: *slides her ofuda back into her pocket* And don't think me putting these away makes me defenseless. There's plenty I can do without them.
Diablos: *distractedly* I've no doubts about that, I assure you.
Agent Teena: *leans slightly against a wall, waiting*
Diablos: *looks back at her, arms crossed* I need one of those portal generators that you all are so fond of.
Agent Teena: *pulls hers out* I have one, of course. Feel free to give me the settings, because there's no way I'm putting it in your hands.
Diablos: Final Fantasy...If you would be so kind, I will type it in and give it back to you. It's an abandoned building outside Timber. It's the last place I was, and no doubt where he's gotten stuck...
Agent Teena: *holds it out so he can reach the keys, keeping a firm grip on it*
Diablos: *types on it, then steps back**calmly* Feel free to double check it.
Agent Teena: It's always nice to deal with someone fully aware and undisturbed by the intricacies of total and absolute distrust. *skims over the settings quickly, still keeping half an eye on him*
Diablos: It is.
Agent Teena: *decides it looks alright and activates the portal*
Diablos: *looks from the portal back to her* Ladies first, or shall I?
Agent Teena: You'll recall the comment about not turning my back on you. After you.
Diablos: As you wish then. *steps through the portal*
Agent Teena: *slips a knife into her hand and hops through quickly after him*
Diablos: *steps out into a dark and dusty interior**looks around with a disdainful expression* Just as cheerful as when I left.
Agent Teena: Nice place. If you're Fester Addams. *calls out* Irvine? You here?
Diablos: Yes, well I didn't...*pauses and frowns slightly* Hm, I thought so. *ducks under a fallen rafter, heading further into the darkness*
Agent Teena: *follows quickly, closing the portal and pocketing her generator* Shirak. *holds up the softly glowing sphere*
Diablos: *rubs his fingers together, frowning at the dust, then walks forward cautiously*
Agent Teena: *eyes narrow, following him carefully*
Diablos: *stops suddenly* I see what he's gotten into now...*nods into the darkness*
Agent Teena: *makes the sphere brighter*
Diablos: *steps forward, one hand touching what apparently is some kind of invisible shield, and, of course, stuck in said sheild is the agent, apparently not conscious* Like a fly in a spider's web. I'm sure you won't believe that I did not do this one on purpose.
Agent Teena: I'll keep an open mind on the subject. I hope you'll settle for that. *steps forward**softly* Oh, Irvine... *louder* How do we get him out? What is it?
Diablos: Something of mine. I wouldn't touch it if I were you...Just a moment and I'll have it down. *rests both his hands on it and closes his eyes*
Agent Teena: *slides her knife back into its sheath, watching with worried eyes*
Diablos: *mutters something, and there is a slight rush of wind as the shield disappears**steps back as the agent falls to the floor*
Agent Teena: *catches him quickly*
Agent Teena: *checks his pulse*
Diablos: He should be fine...*glances at him*
Agent Teena: He'd damn well better be... *carefully lays him down and summons her less-than-trained healing powers, faint flickers of green dancing over her hands and into him* Come on, wake up, love...
Diablos: *steps back a little further*
Irvine: *shakes a little and takes a deep breath*
Agent Teena: *runs her fingers through his hair* Irvine, koishii, daijoubu desu ka?
Diablos: *pulls something out of his jacket and quietly pokes at it*
Irvine: *blinks and shakes his head a little*
Agent Teena: Are you okay, love?
Diablos: *watches as a portal pops up into the room* As lovely as it's been, I'm afraid I must be going. I'm sure we'll be talking again later...So until then...*steps through it*
Irvine: Ugh...Teena? *blink*
Agent Teena: *thwaps at him* Baka na! Yarou! You were supposed to be careful!
Irvine: Ow ow....
Agent Teena: You said you would be careful! Kisama!
Irvine: *appears to have a very bad headache* I don't know what kisama means....And I was...
Agent Teena: *hugs him, hiding her face in his shirt**muffled* It's very, very insulting.
Irvine: Oh, alright then. Argh, this makes it twice, doesn't it? *hugs her back, as tightly as he can manage*
Agent Teena: Makes what twice?
Irvine: Twice that bastard's screwed me over. This is just getting embarrassing...
Agent Teena: *thibbits* You're getting old. He claims this wasn't deliberate, though I don't particularly believe that. I'm keeping an open mind on it, though.
Irvine: I'm not. *grumbles* Where is he?
Agent Teena: Gone.
Irvine: Figures. Just figures.
Agent Teena: Live with it. We had a deal. He helped me find you, he and I didn't do the 'whole custody fight thing'. *helps Irvine sit up* I think he has a portal generator.
Irvine: Snitched it from somebody at HQ, no doubt. *runs his hands through hair hair*
Agent Teena: Wouldn't surprise me a bit. Come on. Let's go back to HQ. *digs out her portal generator*
Irvine: Do you think he's not a complete psycho out to kill us all? *stretches, trying to get his legs to work properly*
Agent Teena: I think he talks and acts like an amalgam of half my favorite LOs, and they were all villains. Psycho? He's a bit too in control for that. He might be out to kill us all, but this guy's good. He doesn't give anything away that he doesn't want to.
Irvine: Oh good, if he's going to be evil, he might as well be good at it...*is not quite sarcastic*
Agent Teena: *is kind of glad he overlooked the comment about her favorite LOs**dials up the portal to HQ* He's smart. Very much so. Which makes me not much like that comment about talking again later.
Irvine: *awkardly gets to his feet* Talking again later?
Agent Teena: Yes. Just before he ditched, he said he was sure we'd be talking again later. *supports him through the portal*
Irvine: Well, I'm glad that he's a lot nicer to you than he is to me, at least. *mutters*
Agent Teena: *frowns a bit* He knew my name. I didn't like that, it means he's been getting info about me for some reason. And I don't think he underestimated me the way a lot of people do when they first meet me.
Irvine: Hm...He might have simply picked it up from somewhere around here...
Agent Teena: Physical description included so he could connect the name to what I looked like?
Irvine: It's possible. *sighs*
Agent Teena: My paranoia is laughing at your optimism. ...And he could FEEL me sensing for him.
Irvine: What is that, some kind of empathic ability?
Agent Teena: I focused past the dampener trying to feel if he was lying to me or not, and he KNEW it.
Irvine: *sighs* I'd like to know how he can do that.
Agent Teena: Just got lucky, I suppose. You were right, he's not human, not really. He was created from that reality warping.
Irvine: He's not human, and he's even less like me than the canon Irvine is...Gah.
Agent Teena: *wraps her arms a little tighter around him* Things will get settled somehow. ...I was worried about you, you know.
Irvine: *nuzzles her cheek* No reason to be. I would have gotten out of that somehow or another...And I hope you don't believe any of that non-intentional nonsense...He was purposely trying to get me off his trail. I just can't figure out why he'd turn around and help me right out of it...
Agent Teena: *purrs a little* He didn't seem to want to fight me. I told him as a duly appointed member of the PPC, I was probably expected to take him into custody, he, obviously, didn't care for the idea. When I was ready to start the 'whole custody fight thing', he stepped back and brought up the fact you were missing. We made a deal, we'd give the custody fight a miss if he helped me find you.
Irvine: That makes enough sense...but why would he go back to HQ in the first place? Just....gah. I'll have to puzzle over the logic when I've had some sleep.
Agent Teena: I haven't a clue why he came back to HQ. Wanna know what we talked about?
Irvine: Yes, that would be helpful..
Agent Teena: *gives him a rough repeat of the conversation, rough because there's no way in hell she'll remember the exact wording*
Irvine: This must make some sense somehow...
Agent Teena: Maybe to him it does.
Irvine: Of course it does to him...well, I'll assume so, but I'm going to figure him out one way or another...
Agent Teena: Just don't do anything stupid, dearest.
Irvine: I won't, but I can't just let him prance about however he likes.
Agent Teena: I'm aware of that, dearest. *glances at him* ..You're not upset with me for making that deal, are you?
Irvine: No of course not...I would have done the same thing.
Agent Teena: Just checking. *snuggles closer*
Irvine: *kisses her cheek* I'm still peeved at him for not waiting a day or two before trying this. Will we never get a break?
Agent Teena: *sighs* Apparently not.
Irvine: I am demanding one. And woe to anyone who argues with me.
Agent Teena: *laughs softly*
Irvine: And a proper vacation not too far in the future...
Agent Teena: Good luck, you'll need it.
Irvine: If this means getting blackmail on Blackie, so be it.
Agent Teena: *laughs*
Irvine: You think I jest?
Agent Teena: I think you give yourself a difficult mission, is what I think.
Irvine: I don't pick easy ones.