A Place to Call Home-Part IX
Yes this fic never ends and this part is long. The last segment is NC-17 so beware. Be gentle on me, this is my first attempt at anything NC-17.
Home harbors the secrets of the heart.
Joey looked at the sun setting on the horizon as she rowed across the creek. It was a muggy July evening and she was finding it hard to breathe. It wasn’t just because of the ai , it was the fluttering feeling in her stomach. She was going to tell Dawson everything tonight. She was going to lay her heart and soul open to him, expecting nothing in return. She wanted to show him the same selfless love he had always given to her. But first she had to think about what she was going to say. She knew the perfect spot to collect her thoughts.
She got out of the rowboat and headed towards the pier and saw Dawson sitting there, gazing into the water. As if sensing her presence he turned his head towards her and looked straight into her eyes. The world had been moving for years, but in that moment it stopped. Her breath was suspended in the air and her heart was frozen. It was as if the universe had called them to the same place. Their place. A place full of memories and secrets. Stolen moments. Glittering moments of joy. Glimpses of despair. It was a place where their souls gathered to deal with the ever present life around them.
She moved towards him, barely feeling her feet touch the planks beneath her thin flip-flops. She felt as if she were floating towards him and he never took his eyes off her. She stopped a few feet away from him and searched his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking and feeling. His eyes were unreadable. Not hard, just guarded. She finally broke the silence hanging between them, “Is this seat taken?” She indicated the spot beside him.
He gave her a small smile, “Not at all.”
She sat down and her heart felt lighter. This had to be a good sign. She had been expecting to fight him on this. They settled into a comfortable silence and watched the sun slip into the water. Dark orange rays of light spilled into the creek, lighting the water in front of them. It filled her with an inner calm and strength that she had been seeking. A cool breeze blew through their hair and she could feel her mother’s spirit caress her cheek. It gave her courage and the words she needed to say.
“Dawson, there are so many things I need to tell you.” She paused, “I know that the past is what it is Dawson, but this you need to know. Please, don’t speak until I’m finished.” She looked over at him and saw him nod silently. “When Pacey and I got engaged it was after a huge fight. He wanted me to move back to Capeside and I wanted him to move to New York. I told him that if we were married then we could work something out. I said it just to freak him out, but it didn’t work. So we got engaged. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. I should have talked to him about it, but I didn't.” She sighed deeply, “You see Dawson, I married him for the wrong reasons. I thought being married would help us work things out, but it only made it worse.”
Dawson patted her hand in reassurance, “It’s okay, Jo, we all--”
“That isn’t it,” She cut him off. “He wanted to go into therapy and I refused. I knew we were on the road to ruin, but I kept pushing him until he left. In some ways I think I wanted him to leave.” Tears filled her eyes, “Dawson I wanted you.”
He frowned in confusion, “What?”
“After Jen died, I wanted to be with you,” her voice was clogged with tears, “but you never said anything. I was afraid to tell you so when Pacey said he loved me, I made the easy choice.”
“Joey--”
“Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be with both of you. I just didn’t know which path to take so I went down the one that was presented to me.” She let the tears that had been in her heart flow down her face, “I made two mistakes and I hurt both of you in the process. I shouldn't have made a choice when my heart was torn. I couldn’t…..” She sobbed harder, “this is the breakthrough my therapist had been talking about.” She joked weakly.
“Therapist? You’re in therapy?”
She nodded, “After the divorce I decided to go. We talked about a lot of things. My parents, you, Pacey, Jen, everything. The mistakes I've made. The people I've hurt, especially you,” She finally looked at him, her eyes rimmed in tears, “Can you forgive me Dawson?”
He reached for her hand, “I did, the moment I saw you standing at the end of the pier.” He squeezed her hand and pulled her close to his heart.
Home is where our heart finds joy.
Summer was coming to an end. The days were getting shorter and life was getting more hectic. Jack, Doug, and Amy were back in Capeside. The reunion between the four old friends had been emotional. Doug and Jack had exchanged curious looks as Dawson and Joey threw secret smiles at each other during the whole night they had spent together. They still claimed they were only friends, but Jack and Doug didn't believe them. As always they were just covering up their true feelings and one day they would realize it.
Joey was still living at the B&B and Dawson was still in Grams old place. Life was starting to follow a predictable routine. Dawson would work on scripts during the day and Joey would edit the latest mystery novels. At night they would usually eat together and talk about their day. The stories were always the same, but it was comfortable. Dawson had opened up to Joey more than he had been, but there was still a part of him that kept her at a distance. Joey on the other hand had never been as open and vulernable as she had been with him that month.
Joey gazed out her bedroom window as the sun kissed the creek, throwing vibrant rays of sunlight into her eyes. The creek seemed to sparkle and shine as it danced with the light. It was breathtaking. She was working on a sketch, the first one she had worked on in years. It wasn’t the sunset before her that proved to be her subject, it was the house of the man across the creek. The man she had fallen more in love with each passing day. She hadn’t told him how she felt. She wanted to wait for the right time. She didn’t want to destroy the delicate foundation of their relationship. She no longer needed his love in return to feel like a person. It was enough to love him without words.
She scrunched up her face as she stared down at the sketch. Something was missing. She smiled softly as she began to sketch a brown-haired woman with smiling eyes. Wide-eyes full of hope and love. The man in the window of the picture wasn’t watching the girl in the below him, unaware of the way she stared up in adoration. Her feelings no longer made her anxious, angry, or scared. It felt natural and real. That's what she wanted the drawing to express. A love that wasn't dependant on getting it in return.
She looked out the window again and saw Alexander jump into the rowboat. She laughed quietly. It looked like she was going to drive over to his place tonight. Friday nights were her favorite times with Dawson. They’d watch a movie and discuss the high and low points of it. It was a tradition as old as time itself. She loved to watch is face as he analyzed a movie. His passion for filmmaking was returning. He didn’t have to tell her, she could feel it in the air when they were together.
She looked at the clock and realized it was time to head over to his house. She put up her sketchpad and left the house. She didn’t have to tell Bessie where she was going, it was obvious. She got into her car and drove over to his house. He was waiting patiently on the porch with a mischievous grin on his face. “Why, Mr. Leery, what are you up to?” She arched her eyebrows as she approached him.
“You’ll see,” he waggled his eyebrows and opened the door for her. She laughed and walked into the house.
"Home, where you always find warm words on a cold day."
“Well, what do you think?” He asked anxiously as Joey finished reading the script he had been working on for the past two months.
She looked up with tears in her eyes, “Dawson, it’s beautiful.” She gave him a watery smile. It had taken her two hours to read the script, but it had been worth every minute.
He had sat across from her spot on the couch in silence, eagerly awaiting her response. He hadn’t told anyone about it. He wanted her to be the first to read it, what she thought mattered to him. “Really?” He tried to disguise the joy at her words. “It wasn’t cliché?
She shook her head in awe over the story she had read. It was about her and him. Not their childhood or teenage years, but now. It had been about a love so powerful and deep it could survive anything, even the heartache and pride of the man in the story. She wasn’t sure if it was really about her, but it didn’t matter. The story and words had moved her soul more than anything else ever had. Only the man in front of her had been able to touch her heart as deeply as he did everday. She stood up and walked over to him.
He looked up at her and smiled. The sexiest smile she had ever beheld. The desire was still there between them. It seemed to sizzle as she stood over him. She could feel his breath caress her hand and she shivered. Her heart started to race as she brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “No, it wasn’t Dawson.” She paused, trying to gain her composure, “It was full of heart-felt emotion and realism. The best script of yours yet.”
His heart was pounding against his chest. He had ceased fighting her weeks ago, but he had held his feelings and desire at bay. Their relationship was fragile and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. He still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about her. It was complicated and after the way she brushed his hair out of face, he had a feeling it was only going to get more confusing. He cleared his throat, “Thanks for reading it, Jo. I was a little nervous.”
She laughed, “Just because you’ve been on hiatus doesn’t mean you lost all your skills.” He chuckled and his eyes collided with hers. She fell silent and stared into his bottomless green eyes. She gently touched his face, “I love you, Dawson. I always have.” She said quietly. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could finish she pressed her finger against his lips. “I don’t want you to say anything. Whether you feel the same or not doesn’t matter. I just want you to have it without conditions.” She started to turn away, “I’m going to go now.”
His heart was in his throat and he couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to so he reached for her hand. He pressed his sweaty palm into hers and squeezed it until she looked into his eyes. Her heart was in her eyes, making them shine with an inner light. His breathe left his lungs and he pulled her towards him until her body was tightly pressed into his. With his free hand he cupped her face and leaned in for a kiss.
Home and passion collide.
The world stopped moving as his lips found hers. Her words flowed through him, warming his heart. Her confession of love had torn down the reamaining wall that had stood between them. He had easily let her back into his life as a friend, afraid to tred further. The line between friendship and romance had always been blurry between them. Kissing her was going to complicate their newfound relationship even further, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want it to be simple, to take the easy way out. He wanted to give her everything again, to trust her more than he ever had. He wanted her love and all that went along with it. He wanted her now. Forever. Every day in between. Her words had made him realize it and now he was no longer afraid.
She pressed herself even closer against him and deepened the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his waist and slid her tongue into his mouth. They moaned in unison and their tongues began to battle. He pulled back, breathing heavily and looked into her eyes hot with passion. Wordlessly she nodded and he grabbed her hand, leading her into his bedroom. He felt as if his body were on fire, all he wanted to do was throw her onto the bed and make passionate love to her, but he wasn’t going to do that. He wanted to memorize her body, every plane and curve. To touch her everywhere with his hands, lips, and tongue.
He swept her hair off her shoulders and pressed hot kisses where her hair had been. Her skin was soft and smooth. A few freckles lined her shoulder and he kissed each one lingeringly. He gently nipped her exposed shoulders and ran his tongue along her neck and shoulder. Nipping and kissing it as he moved around to her other shoulder. She threw her head back, exposing her throat his his mouth. Where his lips touched her she burned. Her whole body burned. She wanted him to stop the slow seduction, but at the same time she wanted it to last forever. To memorize the feel his lips on her skin. His hands slid beneath her shirt and she gasped at the contact. She pressed her head into the crook of his neck and began to nibble on his ear as he caressed her back.
“Dawson…” She moaned as he moved his hands to the front of her body. He slid his hands down her torso and effortlessly tossed her shirt to the floor. Her hair swirled around her shoulders, the moonlight bouncing through her hair. He ran his hands through her hair and touched her lips. She opened her mouth and began to nibble and suck on his finger. He closed his eyes in pleasure and she tore at his shirt. The heat inside her body was becoming unbearable and she wanted him to be naked. She wanted to feel his skin against hers.
Dawson grabbed her by the waist and fell with her onto the bed. The world felt golden and promising. Her love, passion, and scent wrapped around him as he began to run his lips, hands, and tongue over her sweaty body. She writched and moaned as he worked his magic on her. His touch was gentle, but firm. His lips were driving her into a frenzy of heat and passion. She wrapped her legs around his clothed hips, trying to let him know she was ready, but he wanted to make her pleasure last.
He grit hist teeth against the straining of his own desire. All that mattered was her and what she wanted. He reached the point where he couldn't take anymore so he shed his pants and crawled over her. He brushed her hair behind her ear and before he let his body become one with hers he looked deep into her eyes. Love, heat, and desperation were alive in the depths of her eyes. He let his eyes tell her how he felt about her. How much this meant to him. How much she meant to him before he lowered his body into hers, becoming one. Their passion only built until it reached the ultimate climax and they gasped each other's names. Shivering with the intensity of what had just happened.
In the aftermath of their lovemaking, he pressed her sweaty body close to his and she tucked her head onto his chest. Her caressed her hair as the crickets outside the window played a song for lovers. A cool breeze flowed through the window, chilling their overheated bodies. He threw the sheet over their entangled bodies. Her love flowed through the inner most reaches of his soul. Her touch, her scent, her smile, her life filled his heart as they fell into a deep slumber in a bed of golden dreams and silken promises.
Home harbors the secrets of the heart.
Joey looked at the sun setting on the horizon as she rowed across the creek. It was a muggy July evening and she was finding it hard to breathe. It wasn’t just because of the ai , it was the fluttering feeling in her stomach. She was going to tell Dawson everything tonight. She was going to lay her heart and soul open to him, expecting nothing in return. She wanted to show him the same selfless love he had always given to her. But first she had to think about what she was going to say. She knew the perfect spot to collect her thoughts.
She got out of the rowboat and headed towards the pier and saw Dawson sitting there, gazing into the water. As if sensing her presence he turned his head towards her and looked straight into her eyes. The world had been moving for years, but in that moment it stopped. Her breath was suspended in the air and her heart was frozen. It was as if the universe had called them to the same place. Their place. A place full of memories and secrets. Stolen moments. Glittering moments of joy. Glimpses of despair. It was a place where their souls gathered to deal with the ever present life around them.
She moved towards him, barely feeling her feet touch the planks beneath her thin flip-flops. She felt as if she were floating towards him and he never took his eyes off her. She stopped a few feet away from him and searched his eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking and feeling. His eyes were unreadable. Not hard, just guarded. She finally broke the silence hanging between them, “Is this seat taken?” She indicated the spot beside him.
He gave her a small smile, “Not at all.”
She sat down and her heart felt lighter. This had to be a good sign. She had been expecting to fight him on this. They settled into a comfortable silence and watched the sun slip into the water. Dark orange rays of light spilled into the creek, lighting the water in front of them. It filled her with an inner calm and strength that she had been seeking. A cool breeze blew through their hair and she could feel her mother’s spirit caress her cheek. It gave her courage and the words she needed to say.
“Dawson, there are so many things I need to tell you.” She paused, “I know that the past is what it is Dawson, but this you need to know. Please, don’t speak until I’m finished.” She looked over at him and saw him nod silently. “When Pacey and I got engaged it was after a huge fight. He wanted me to move back to Capeside and I wanted him to move to New York. I told him that if we were married then we could work something out. I said it just to freak him out, but it didn’t work. So we got engaged. I'm not sure how it happened, but it did. I should have talked to him about it, but I didn't.” She sighed deeply, “You see Dawson, I married him for the wrong reasons. I thought being married would help us work things out, but it only made it worse.”
Dawson patted her hand in reassurance, “It’s okay, Jo, we all--”
“That isn’t it,” She cut him off. “He wanted to go into therapy and I refused. I knew we were on the road to ruin, but I kept pushing him until he left. In some ways I think I wanted him to leave.” Tears filled her eyes, “Dawson I wanted you.”
He frowned in confusion, “What?”
“After Jen died, I wanted to be with you,” her voice was clogged with tears, “but you never said anything. I was afraid to tell you so when Pacey said he loved me, I made the easy choice.”
“Joey--”
“Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be with both of you. I just didn’t know which path to take so I went down the one that was presented to me.” She let the tears that had been in her heart flow down her face, “I made two mistakes and I hurt both of you in the process. I shouldn't have made a choice when my heart was torn. I couldn’t…..” She sobbed harder, “this is the breakthrough my therapist had been talking about.” She joked weakly.
“Therapist? You’re in therapy?”
She nodded, “After the divorce I decided to go. We talked about a lot of things. My parents, you, Pacey, Jen, everything. The mistakes I've made. The people I've hurt, especially you,” She finally looked at him, her eyes rimmed in tears, “Can you forgive me Dawson?”
He reached for her hand, “I did, the moment I saw you standing at the end of the pier.” He squeezed her hand and pulled her close to his heart.
Home is where our heart finds joy.
Summer was coming to an end. The days were getting shorter and life was getting more hectic. Jack, Doug, and Amy were back in Capeside. The reunion between the four old friends had been emotional. Doug and Jack had exchanged curious looks as Dawson and Joey threw secret smiles at each other during the whole night they had spent together. They still claimed they were only friends, but Jack and Doug didn't believe them. As always they were just covering up their true feelings and one day they would realize it.
Joey was still living at the B&B and Dawson was still in Grams old place. Life was starting to follow a predictable routine. Dawson would work on scripts during the day and Joey would edit the latest mystery novels. At night they would usually eat together and talk about their day. The stories were always the same, but it was comfortable. Dawson had opened up to Joey more than he had been, but there was still a part of him that kept her at a distance. Joey on the other hand had never been as open and vulernable as she had been with him that month.
Joey gazed out her bedroom window as the sun kissed the creek, throwing vibrant rays of sunlight into her eyes. The creek seemed to sparkle and shine as it danced with the light. It was breathtaking. She was working on a sketch, the first one she had worked on in years. It wasn’t the sunset before her that proved to be her subject, it was the house of the man across the creek. The man she had fallen more in love with each passing day. She hadn’t told him how she felt. She wanted to wait for the right time. She didn’t want to destroy the delicate foundation of their relationship. She no longer needed his love in return to feel like a person. It was enough to love him without words.
She scrunched up her face as she stared down at the sketch. Something was missing. She smiled softly as she began to sketch a brown-haired woman with smiling eyes. Wide-eyes full of hope and love. The man in the window of the picture wasn’t watching the girl in the below him, unaware of the way she stared up in adoration. Her feelings no longer made her anxious, angry, or scared. It felt natural and real. That's what she wanted the drawing to express. A love that wasn't dependant on getting it in return.
She looked out the window again and saw Alexander jump into the rowboat. She laughed quietly. It looked like she was going to drive over to his place tonight. Friday nights were her favorite times with Dawson. They’d watch a movie and discuss the high and low points of it. It was a tradition as old as time itself. She loved to watch is face as he analyzed a movie. His passion for filmmaking was returning. He didn’t have to tell her, she could feel it in the air when they were together.
She looked at the clock and realized it was time to head over to his house. She put up her sketchpad and left the house. She didn’t have to tell Bessie where she was going, it was obvious. She got into her car and drove over to his house. He was waiting patiently on the porch with a mischievous grin on his face. “Why, Mr. Leery, what are you up to?” She arched her eyebrows as she approached him.
“You’ll see,” he waggled his eyebrows and opened the door for her. She laughed and walked into the house.
"Home, where you always find warm words on a cold day."
“Well, what do you think?” He asked anxiously as Joey finished reading the script he had been working on for the past two months.
She looked up with tears in her eyes, “Dawson, it’s beautiful.” She gave him a watery smile. It had taken her two hours to read the script, but it had been worth every minute.
He had sat across from her spot on the couch in silence, eagerly awaiting her response. He hadn’t told anyone about it. He wanted her to be the first to read it, what she thought mattered to him. “Really?” He tried to disguise the joy at her words. “It wasn’t cliché?
She shook her head in awe over the story she had read. It was about her and him. Not their childhood or teenage years, but now. It had been about a love so powerful and deep it could survive anything, even the heartache and pride of the man in the story. She wasn’t sure if it was really about her, but it didn’t matter. The story and words had moved her soul more than anything else ever had. Only the man in front of her had been able to touch her heart as deeply as he did everday. She stood up and walked over to him.
He looked up at her and smiled. The sexiest smile she had ever beheld. The desire was still there between them. It seemed to sizzle as she stood over him. She could feel his breath caress her hand and she shivered. Her heart started to race as she brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. “No, it wasn’t Dawson.” She paused, trying to gain her composure, “It was full of heart-felt emotion and realism. The best script of yours yet.”
His heart was pounding against his chest. He had ceased fighting her weeks ago, but he had held his feelings and desire at bay. Their relationship was fragile and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. He still wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about her. It was complicated and after the way she brushed his hair out of face, he had a feeling it was only going to get more confusing. He cleared his throat, “Thanks for reading it, Jo. I was a little nervous.”
She laughed, “Just because you’ve been on hiatus doesn’t mean you lost all your skills.” He chuckled and his eyes collided with hers. She fell silent and stared into his bottomless green eyes. She gently touched his face, “I love you, Dawson. I always have.” She said quietly. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could finish she pressed her finger against his lips. “I don’t want you to say anything. Whether you feel the same or not doesn’t matter. I just want you to have it without conditions.” She started to turn away, “I’m going to go now.”
His heart was in his throat and he couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to so he reached for her hand. He pressed his sweaty palm into hers and squeezed it until she looked into his eyes. Her heart was in her eyes, making them shine with an inner light. His breathe left his lungs and he pulled her towards him until her body was tightly pressed into his. With his free hand he cupped her face and leaned in for a kiss.
Home and passion collide.
The world stopped moving as his lips found hers. Her words flowed through him, warming his heart. Her confession of love had torn down the reamaining wall that had stood between them. He had easily let her back into his life as a friend, afraid to tred further. The line between friendship and romance had always been blurry between them. Kissing her was going to complicate their newfound relationship even further, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want it to be simple, to take the easy way out. He wanted to give her everything again, to trust her more than he ever had. He wanted her love and all that went along with it. He wanted her now. Forever. Every day in between. Her words had made him realize it and now he was no longer afraid.
She pressed herself even closer against him and deepened the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his waist and slid her tongue into his mouth. They moaned in unison and their tongues began to battle. He pulled back, breathing heavily and looked into her eyes hot with passion. Wordlessly she nodded and he grabbed her hand, leading her into his bedroom. He felt as if his body were on fire, all he wanted to do was throw her onto the bed and make passionate love to her, but he wasn’t going to do that. He wanted to memorize her body, every plane and curve. To touch her everywhere with his hands, lips, and tongue.
He swept her hair off her shoulders and pressed hot kisses where her hair had been. Her skin was soft and smooth. A few freckles lined her shoulder and he kissed each one lingeringly. He gently nipped her exposed shoulders and ran his tongue along her neck and shoulder. Nipping and kissing it as he moved around to her other shoulder. She threw her head back, exposing her throat his his mouth. Where his lips touched her she burned. Her whole body burned. She wanted him to stop the slow seduction, but at the same time she wanted it to last forever. To memorize the feel his lips on her skin. His hands slid beneath her shirt and she gasped at the contact. She pressed her head into the crook of his neck and began to nibble on his ear as he caressed her back.
“Dawson…” She moaned as he moved his hands to the front of her body. He slid his hands down her torso and effortlessly tossed her shirt to the floor. Her hair swirled around her shoulders, the moonlight bouncing through her hair. He ran his hands through her hair and touched her lips. She opened her mouth and began to nibble and suck on his finger. He closed his eyes in pleasure and she tore at his shirt. The heat inside her body was becoming unbearable and she wanted him to be naked. She wanted to feel his skin against hers.
Dawson grabbed her by the waist and fell with her onto the bed. The world felt golden and promising. Her love, passion, and scent wrapped around him as he began to run his lips, hands, and tongue over her sweaty body. She writched and moaned as he worked his magic on her. His touch was gentle, but firm. His lips were driving her into a frenzy of heat and passion. She wrapped her legs around his clothed hips, trying to let him know she was ready, but he wanted to make her pleasure last.
He grit hist teeth against the straining of his own desire. All that mattered was her and what she wanted. He reached the point where he couldn't take anymore so he shed his pants and crawled over her. He brushed her hair behind her ear and before he let his body become one with hers he looked deep into her eyes. Love, heat, and desperation were alive in the depths of her eyes. He let his eyes tell her how he felt about her. How much this meant to him. How much she meant to him before he lowered his body into hers, becoming one. Their passion only built until it reached the ultimate climax and they gasped each other's names. Shivering with the intensity of what had just happened.
In the aftermath of their lovemaking, he pressed her sweaty body close to his and she tucked her head onto his chest. Her caressed her hair as the crickets outside the window played a song for lovers. A cool breeze flowed through the window, chilling their overheated bodies. He threw the sheet over their entangled bodies. Her love flowed through the inner most reaches of his soul. Her touch, her scent, her smile, her life filled his heart as they fell into a deep slumber in a bed of golden dreams and silken promises.