The Lifespan of a Man
Title: The Lifespan of a Man
Rating: R
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 1
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, some Merlin/Will and Arthur/Gwen
Summary: A series of vignettes that follows Arthur and Merlin's relationship from Season 1 to Season 4.
Preview: "Arthur was getting quite used to these hunting trips with Merlin."
Fine months after meeting Merlin
Arthur was getting quite used to these hunting trips with Merlin. Before Uther assigned Merlin to him as a manservant, Arthur rarely went on hunting trips without a posse of knights. His last manservant had been an older man with arthritis. A bully Arthur may be, but making an old man sleep on a cold forest floor, he just couldn't bring himself to do.
But with Merlin he was free to go alone whenever he liked. That was part of what marveled him about Merlin. He was at once intensely aware of Merlin's presence, and simultaneously felt like no one was around.
Arthur watched as Merlin rubbed salt into the hare meat for dinner. They hadn't had much luck with deer, but Arthur had managed a couple of hares for food.
The firelight played shadows on Merlin's face, making his cheekbones look even more prominent, and turning his eyes into little pools of ink. His face was scrunched up in a look of intense concentration.
Arthur chuckled quietly to himself. It seemed that even a simple task as cooking dinner was something Merlin put all of his effort into.
Merlin looked up then, looked straight at Arthur, and gave him a lopsided grin.
Arthur coughed and turned away. When Merlin went back to his food, spearing the meat onto branches to roast over the fire, Arthur went back to studying him.
The ground was a little cold where Arthur sat with his knees up in front of him. He leaned back on his hands and felt a little thrill shoot through him at the feeling of his fingers weaving through cool, damp grass blades.
He watched as Merlin slowly turned the branch over and over in his hand so that the food would be roasted evenly. Merlin scooted so that his back blocked the fire and Arthur could no longer see the food. He watched Merlin's back instead, the places where his ragged jacket stretched over his shoulder blades. Arthur knew that the jacket was made of rough wool but felt smooth where it was worn down after years of wear. He wondered who had run their hands over that jacket, who besides Merlin knew what the inside of it felt like.
"Done," Merlin said, standing up. He came over and sunk to the ground beside Arthur.
The fire was warming Arthur's face.
Merlin plucked a shank of meat off the branch and held the rest out to Arthur. Arthur took the branch.
"I didn't say you could have all the rest," Merlin said. He was smiling that lopsided smile again.
Arthur punched him on the shoulder-twice -just for good measure. "We really need to have a talk about how you address me."
Merlin gave him a low bow. "With deference, I know," he said, rolling his eyes. He blew on his piece of meat, and bit into it. "Where are we going tomorrow?"
Arthur held the branch up to his face and bit off a chunk of meat. It was just a little too salty, and much too hot, but he chewed it anyway. He was ravenous.
He stared at the fire and tried to make a plan about tomorrow. But Merlin's eating was distracting. Merlin was a loud eater, making little appreciative sounds. And then-Merlin moaned.
Arthur glared at him, or tried at least. He hoped his face didn't betray the fact that his heart had suddenly sped up, or that he felt a little shiver run down his chest at the sound.
"Do you mind, Merlin?" Arthur tried for a scolding tone, but it came out panicked instead. "I'm trying to think here."
Merlin moaned that little moan again. "I'm sure it's hard work for you," he said, "thinking and all." Another moan, this one drawn out.
Blood was starting to pool in Arthur's groin. He watched Merlin eat, entranced by the movement of his lips, coated with oil from the meat.
"But I can't be expected to change everything," Merlin said. "Just for you."
"Of course not," Arthur agreed, before he knew what he was doing.
Merlin stopped chewing, and turned to face Arthur. There was a little piece of meat hanging to the corner of his lips.
Arthur reached out, plucked it off of Merlin's lips, and ate it.
Merlin blinked.
Arthur's heart was in his throat. He was glad he hadn't eaten much yet.
He put out his hand again, and ran his knuckles up Merlin's jaw. The skin there felt soft but with a little stubble and for some reason this made Arthur harden.
He leaned in, and Merlin didn't pull away-just stared at Arthur with that same glazed look. Merlin's nostrils were wide and he was breathing fast.
Arthur leaned closer. Merlin lifted his head, baring his neck. Arthur had a wild urge to taste that skin, so he did. He pressed his lips to Merlin's neck. Merlin's breath hitched, and Arthur, emboldened, continued to kiss at that skin.
When Arthur licked at it experimentally, Merlin let out that same moan-and oh how Arthur was hard. So Arthur bit at it. Something growled low in Merlin's throat. It vibrated Arthur's lips and his cock twitched.
But then Merlin was pushing him away, those large hands placed firmly on Arthur's shoulders. Merlin's eyes were looking away, guarded.
The weight of what Arthur had done hit him then, like a punch to the stomach. He stood up fast, and stalked off into the night.
-x-x-x-
Merlin lay awake that night, laid out on his bedroll, waiting for Arthur to return. It wasn't until the light of dawn was breaking the horizon that Merlin finally heard Arthur slither into his own bedroll somewhere across the campfire.
Merlin had never imagined something like this might happen with Arthur. Arthur seemed-well, he didn't seem like the kind of man who would put himself in such a vulnerable state. Because that's what it was to love a man, Merlin knew. With a girl it was different, but with a man both of you were on the same footing. You had to give more of yourself. And Arthur didn't seem like the type to do that willingly.
But he had. He had tried with Merlin, and that was something.
Will's words rang in Merlin's head. I'll always be here, Merlin. When you come back. Oh, how Merlin wished Will had never said those things, that they had never had those moments in Ealdor.
But that wasn't fair. Will was Merlin's closest friend, who knew him far better than Arthur ever would. Arthur wasn't worth this. Will loved Merlin, perhaps not as a lover should but definitely as a friend. And if they could have a few goes in the hay as well-well, that wasn't bad either.
-x-x-x-
Arthur lay down on his bedroll, thankful that Merlin was asleep. He didn't know what had possessed him to do those things over the campfire, but he knew now that Merlin didn't want it. The knowledge that Merlin had put up with Arthur's kissing for that long-probably because he didn't know how to say no to his master-it made something ugly bubble up in Arthur's stomach. He didn't want Merlin's obedience, or his pity.
No, this would never, ever be happening again.
Except that it did.
Chapter 2
Rating: R
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 1
Pairings: Merlin/Arthur, some Merlin/Will and Arthur/Gwen
Summary: A series of vignettes that follows Arthur and Merlin's relationship from Season 1 to Season 4.
Preview: "Arthur was getting quite used to these hunting trips with Merlin."
Fine months after meeting Merlin
Arthur was getting quite used to these hunting trips with Merlin. Before Uther assigned Merlin to him as a manservant, Arthur rarely went on hunting trips without a posse of knights. His last manservant had been an older man with arthritis. A bully Arthur may be, but making an old man sleep on a cold forest floor, he just couldn't bring himself to do.
But with Merlin he was free to go alone whenever he liked. That was part of what marveled him about Merlin. He was at once intensely aware of Merlin's presence, and simultaneously felt like no one was around.
Arthur watched as Merlin rubbed salt into the hare meat for dinner. They hadn't had much luck with deer, but Arthur had managed a couple of hares for food.
The firelight played shadows on Merlin's face, making his cheekbones look even more prominent, and turning his eyes into little pools of ink. His face was scrunched up in a look of intense concentration.
Arthur chuckled quietly to himself. It seemed that even a simple task as cooking dinner was something Merlin put all of his effort into.
Merlin looked up then, looked straight at Arthur, and gave him a lopsided grin.
Arthur coughed and turned away. When Merlin went back to his food, spearing the meat onto branches to roast over the fire, Arthur went back to studying him.
The ground was a little cold where Arthur sat with his knees up in front of him. He leaned back on his hands and felt a little thrill shoot through him at the feeling of his fingers weaving through cool, damp grass blades.
He watched as Merlin slowly turned the branch over and over in his hand so that the food would be roasted evenly. Merlin scooted so that his back blocked the fire and Arthur could no longer see the food. He watched Merlin's back instead, the places where his ragged jacket stretched over his shoulder blades. Arthur knew that the jacket was made of rough wool but felt smooth where it was worn down after years of wear. He wondered who had run their hands over that jacket, who besides Merlin knew what the inside of it felt like.
"Done," Merlin said, standing up. He came over and sunk to the ground beside Arthur.
The fire was warming Arthur's face.
Merlin plucked a shank of meat off the branch and held the rest out to Arthur. Arthur took the branch.
"I didn't say you could have all the rest," Merlin said. He was smiling that lopsided smile again.
Arthur punched him on the shoulder-twice -just for good measure. "We really need to have a talk about how you address me."
Merlin gave him a low bow. "With deference, I know," he said, rolling his eyes. He blew on his piece of meat, and bit into it. "Where are we going tomorrow?"
Arthur held the branch up to his face and bit off a chunk of meat. It was just a little too salty, and much too hot, but he chewed it anyway. He was ravenous.
He stared at the fire and tried to make a plan about tomorrow. But Merlin's eating was distracting. Merlin was a loud eater, making little appreciative sounds. And then-Merlin moaned.
Arthur glared at him, or tried at least. He hoped his face didn't betray the fact that his heart had suddenly sped up, or that he felt a little shiver run down his chest at the sound.
"Do you mind, Merlin?" Arthur tried for a scolding tone, but it came out panicked instead. "I'm trying to think here."
Merlin moaned that little moan again. "I'm sure it's hard work for you," he said, "thinking and all." Another moan, this one drawn out.
Blood was starting to pool in Arthur's groin. He watched Merlin eat, entranced by the movement of his lips, coated with oil from the meat.
"But I can't be expected to change everything," Merlin said. "Just for you."
"Of course not," Arthur agreed, before he knew what he was doing.
Merlin stopped chewing, and turned to face Arthur. There was a little piece of meat hanging to the corner of his lips.
Arthur reached out, plucked it off of Merlin's lips, and ate it.
Merlin blinked.
Arthur's heart was in his throat. He was glad he hadn't eaten much yet.
He put out his hand again, and ran his knuckles up Merlin's jaw. The skin there felt soft but with a little stubble and for some reason this made Arthur harden.
He leaned in, and Merlin didn't pull away-just stared at Arthur with that same glazed look. Merlin's nostrils were wide and he was breathing fast.
Arthur leaned closer. Merlin lifted his head, baring his neck. Arthur had a wild urge to taste that skin, so he did. He pressed his lips to Merlin's neck. Merlin's breath hitched, and Arthur, emboldened, continued to kiss at that skin.
When Arthur licked at it experimentally, Merlin let out that same moan-and oh how Arthur was hard. So Arthur bit at it. Something growled low in Merlin's throat. It vibrated Arthur's lips and his cock twitched.
But then Merlin was pushing him away, those large hands placed firmly on Arthur's shoulders. Merlin's eyes were looking away, guarded.
The weight of what Arthur had done hit him then, like a punch to the stomach. He stood up fast, and stalked off into the night.
-x-x-x-
Merlin lay awake that night, laid out on his bedroll, waiting for Arthur to return. It wasn't until the light of dawn was breaking the horizon that Merlin finally heard Arthur slither into his own bedroll somewhere across the campfire.
Merlin had never imagined something like this might happen with Arthur. Arthur seemed-well, he didn't seem like the kind of man who would put himself in such a vulnerable state. Because that's what it was to love a man, Merlin knew. With a girl it was different, but with a man both of you were on the same footing. You had to give more of yourself. And Arthur didn't seem like the type to do that willingly.
But he had. He had tried with Merlin, and that was something.
Will's words rang in Merlin's head. I'll always be here, Merlin. When you come back. Oh, how Merlin wished Will had never said those things, that they had never had those moments in Ealdor.
But that wasn't fair. Will was Merlin's closest friend, who knew him far better than Arthur ever would. Arthur wasn't worth this. Will loved Merlin, perhaps not as a lover should but definitely as a friend. And if they could have a few goes in the hay as well-well, that wasn't bad either.
-x-x-x-
Arthur lay down on his bedroll, thankful that Merlin was asleep. He didn't know what had possessed him to do those things over the campfire, but he knew now that Merlin didn't want it. The knowledge that Merlin had put up with Arthur's kissing for that long-probably because he didn't know how to say no to his master-it made something ugly bubble up in Arthur's stomach. He didn't want Merlin's obedience, or his pity.
No, this would never, ever be happening again.
Except that it did.
Chapter 2