this wont make any sence to anyone but you.
im goign to try and write out some of the things that are going on in my head.
1-ive spent the past few months dreaming of the moment youd tell me you loved me again
2-i spent the past 3 weeks trying to brain wash myself that i was ok with how things were.
3-i dont have much trust in you anymore.
4-distance.
5-i miss you
6-as much as i try and ignore it, i love you so much it hurts.
7-i cant breath when i think of you
8-you do things that impare your judgement and make some bad decisions, which makes it harder for me to trust you
9- the fact that i remeber the look in your eyes like it was yesterday. the sence of comfort with no words spoken at all, the feelign that i finally belong somewhere. the love i was at the moment so positive was real. and even if i hacked at that memory with a chizzle, it wouldnt leave my mind, or my heart.
10-how when we met, i felt like id known you forever.
t11-he fact that writing this is making me cry.
12-the bench under the statue in the park.
13-the way you squeezed my hand a little tighter each time we crossed the street, or another couple walked by.
14-sitting on the train that sunday afternoon prayign to god the train would never stop.
15-mars is no longer in the sky, so i have no comfort factor
16-i miss havign a reason to get up in the morning
17-i was your secret
18-the way you broke my heart, at the worst possible time
19-you lied to me
20-i miss you.
21-the fact that the night after we met, i held my roses in my hand and jumped on my bed liek a 5 year old in glee. and didnt give two shits who saw me.
22-sitting on the bridge with our feet dangling over the edge, while being photogrphed by a stranger
23-the way my dad seemed to love you just as much as i did
24- the way you held me
25-the poem and the heart you gave me, that i fall asleep with close to my heart like you asked, even when everything happened.
-im scared-
i dont know what to do with myself.
i dont even fucking care who reads this anymore.
the truth has to be said sometime.