I feel no shame, I'm proud of where I came.
This entry is pretty girly..but not in the way you think.. it's more for me to let out then to make people suffer and read. but read if you'd like. :)
So for bible study, we are reading "Captivating" by John and Stasi Elderedge.
The book is all about "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul"
Just in the first 3 chapters alone I have come to the conclusion, that I have a very thick wall put up between me and others.
I do not like to be or feel vulnerable. So I cover myself with a hardass shell so I can never be vulnerable.
It says in the book:
"Now, this is not to say a woman can't be strong. What we are saying is that far too many women forfeit there femininity in order to feel safe and in control."
I feel that's pointing at me. I can be a strong women, yet not lose my sense of femininity because I feel I need to be the protector of myself.
I saw something on dun dun DUN a friend's myspace. It goes like this:
I can't even begin to count the number of times i've seen this is girls' profiles, away messages, and quotes. It seems to make you think that they are looking for some that is completely out of reach and someone so extraordinary that it's only really a figment of there imagination. Read this and then think about what's written below...
"Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical. The kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your friend: the person who will drop everything to be with you at anytime of the day no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile, and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and have no makeup on."
The truth is (the complete honest truth) that these type of guys are everywhere. They are your friends, they are strangers you glace at and go hmm... but really you would never give them the time of day, these men are everywhere. You see them every day but your vision and thoughts are so blocked by egominiacal assholes that you tell us about everyday. We are the men who give meaning to the statement above. Truth for us (men) is that we are transparent because girls are too picky. They want one thing (then take it for granted) and go take the hand of the guy they are alway complaining to us about. For once ladies, take a good look at the men in your life that actually mean something to you, that make you happy and ask yourself "could i really ask for more?"
Maybe then you'll stop filling your heads with stupid thoughts like the quote written above and listen to you heart for once.
We're everywhere...
So I definitely agree with some of that. There are soo many nice guys out there that I won't even take a second glance at, because my heart is hardened by the jerks I've had in my life previously.
"There is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man, or her best friend and you'll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way."
So basically.. this book has already taught me a lot. I know these are "duh" things.. but there's something about the way it's written that really stands out to me. And i like it.
So my goal is to stop trying to be my own protector, and to stop trying to take care of me all by myself. God is there for both things, and sooner or later i'm going to have to let a man in to protect me and take care of me. And that doesn't mean i'm not strong. I will always be strong. I can still stand up for others when it's needed..but it's okay to let someone stand up for me and take care of me
..that's something I need to get used to. Letting someone take care of you and protect you can put you in a vulnerable state...and that's something i need to come to terms with. This will be a long process for me i'm sure, but i'm up for the challenge.
Vulnerable, yet strong.... just you wait and see.
and now , an awesome quote from C.S. Lewis: "Even to see her walk across the room is a liberal education."
xo
So for bible study, we are reading "Captivating" by John and Stasi Elderedge.
The book is all about "Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul"
Just in the first 3 chapters alone I have come to the conclusion, that I have a very thick wall put up between me and others.
I do not like to be or feel vulnerable. So I cover myself with a hardass shell so I can never be vulnerable.
It says in the book:
"Now, this is not to say a woman can't be strong. What we are saying is that far too many women forfeit there femininity in order to feel safe and in control."
I feel that's pointing at me. I can be a strong women, yet not lose my sense of femininity because I feel I need to be the protector of myself.
I saw something on dun dun DUN a friend's myspace. It goes like this:
I can't even begin to count the number of times i've seen this is girls' profiles, away messages, and quotes. It seems to make you think that they are looking for some that is completely out of reach and someone so extraordinary that it's only really a figment of there imagination. Read this and then think about what's written below...
"Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical. The kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your friend: the person who will drop everything to be with you at anytime of the day no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile, and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and have no makeup on."
The truth is (the complete honest truth) that these type of guys are everywhere. They are your friends, they are strangers you glace at and go hmm... but really you would never give them the time of day, these men are everywhere. You see them every day but your vision and thoughts are so blocked by egominiacal assholes that you tell us about everyday. We are the men who give meaning to the statement above. Truth for us (men) is that we are transparent because girls are too picky. They want one thing (then take it for granted) and go take the hand of the guy they are alway complaining to us about. For once ladies, take a good look at the men in your life that actually mean something to you, that make you happy and ask yourself "could i really ask for more?"
Maybe then you'll stop filling your heads with stupid thoughts like the quote written above and listen to you heart for once.
We're everywhere...
So I definitely agree with some of that. There are soo many nice guys out there that I won't even take a second glance at, because my heart is hardened by the jerks I've had in my life previously.
"There is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man, or her best friend and you'll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way."
So basically.. this book has already taught me a lot. I know these are "duh" things.. but there's something about the way it's written that really stands out to me. And i like it.
So my goal is to stop trying to be my own protector, and to stop trying to take care of me all by myself. God is there for both things, and sooner or later i'm going to have to let a man in to protect me and take care of me. And that doesn't mean i'm not strong. I will always be strong. I can still stand up for others when it's needed..but it's okay to let someone stand up for me and take care of me
..that's something I need to get used to. Letting someone take care of you and protect you can put you in a vulnerable state...and that's something i need to come to terms with. This will be a long process for me i'm sure, but i'm up for the challenge.
Vulnerable, yet strong.... just you wait and see.
and now , an awesome quote from C.S. Lewis: "Even to see her walk across the room is a liberal education."
xo