(no subject)
I've discovered how annoying it is when I read people's journals and don't know who the hell they are talking about. It's like being on the outside of some inside joke. Therefore, I've written a list of FAP (Frequently Appearing People) for your convenience.
I've written their real name and nickname for your reading pleasure.
Mom (a.k.a. Adolf): How can I describe such a darling woman? She is a perfectionist. She tries to come off as a laid-back, low maintenance person, but don't let her fool you. The jig is up woman: we know you're a crazy perfectionist bitch. Don't worry, we still like you.
Heather (aka Meryl): Now you're probably wondering. Why would someone call their nine year old sister MERYL? It's right up there with Eunice and Mathilda, but bear with me. My sister is so fucking dramatic, she could totally swipe the records for most Best Actress Oscars from Meryl Streep. They even call her that at school. Weird.
Rory: Rory doesn't have a nickname. That's because I don't exactly include him in my life if possible. Cruel, I know, but it isn't easy living with some guy that's trying to be my father. Not that it's very hard to take his place, because he's never taking the place himself, but Rory is a little on the... obsessive compulsive side. Rory and Adolf are truly a match made in Nazi Germany.
BrittanyandKatie: Brittany and Katie are my two best friends. That's all that really matters. Nothing witty here folks, just scroll down.
Conti: My former best friend. We still are close, we just hang out with completely different people. Mostly because she's a pill popping slut. I think she has the right intentions, though. She's my favorite pill popping slut, if that counts.
Aunt Vicky (aka Stalin, the slighty less maniacal, but still a crazy fucking communist sister of my Adolf): How do I describe Aunt Vicky? Combine Betty Ford (the raging alcoholic, you ask? Yes, the very one). with Lucille Ball with the height of Julia Roberts' hair in Pretty Woman, and you've got my aunt. She's my godmother and my favorite relative. Even when I want to smack her. She enjoys long walks on the beach and half and half screwdrivers with a big straw.
I applied for another job today. They only hire teenage girls, so my chances are greatly increased. If this job falls through, Adolf is going to stab me with a fork and feed my body to my cat, who she likes much better than me. Stalin is pushing for me to get this job, but only because she wants free Cheesecake. Freeloader.
Everyone cross your fingers that they call me in the next two days, or you may never see me again. Maybe I'll write my will now. Yes, that seems like a good idea...