Beauty is Strange- Raspberry Frog

[balletpixie13]

Title: Beauty is Strange
Author: Raspberry Fog
Category: Humor
Rating: G-PG
Pairings: Holly/Trouble
Warnings: None
Summary:Holly is invited to a solstice party... now what the heck is she supposed to wear?!

Comments

[linwenilid]

I hope you're not expecting praise-like criticism ...

Alright, first things first. Your dialogue format needs work.

"Artemis, I need to talk to Juliet! Now!" "What's the problem? Can I help?" Holly thought. "Nope. It's a....uh...girl problem. I'm sure you could help, but I don't really want you to. Now, where is Juliet?!" "I'll get her. JULIET!!!!" He sure should scream when he wanted to... Juliet popped into the screen. "Hello Holly. What's up?" "Well, first Artemis needs to leave." "Happily," Artemis said, getting back into bed. "Juliet!" Holly wailed. "What...sortof...braareyou..supposed to wear...withadress like...this?" Holly's words were mismatched amd worrried. This part is confusing. Aside from the fact that the dialogue is all lumped into one paragraph, at what point of your story did Juliet come back to Ireland? She was with a wrestling Mexican group, as far as we know. Also, what time it was? If Artemis was sleeping then it might be night, wouldn't that mean that everyone else was sleeping? His parents would probably wake

[balletpixie13]

You'll have to forgive me. In know way was I expecting praise for this fic. Well, maybe a little, I got a lot of good feedback from others, but that's okay.

Another thing, I really wouldn't know if the extreme make-over thing had been done or not. I'm parentally blocked from most Artemis Fowl fanfiction archives so... yeah.

You know, actually, I was going to write a bit about the date, but I wanted to get this written, and leave it open a little, you know? I wrote this at like... 1 am. I have some more fics I plan to be posting soon. So, maybe I'm not all bad.

*winks*