this is me venting and telling you whats going on in my life all in one breath
my family is whacked. I'm driving my uncles car for a little while, which I'm happy about don't get me wrong. but why you ask? because hes in rehab. which is good that hes getting help and hopefully this time hes doing it for the right reasons, namely his kids, wife, and himself. but I can't help but think why didn't you do this a year ago. I know alot of people will give me shit about addiction and whatnot. but you know what? if you watch your fucking sister die, due to a seizure that may have potentially been caused by years of drug and alcohol abuse wouldn't that tend to make you think? apparently not. I'm just really sad to see my god son have to go through some of the same shit me and mikey had to deal with. I'm older I have my own shit, but it genuinely tears me apart inside to see my younger family have to deal with it. mikey, dj, and cody are just too young to have to deal with it. its not right. and the fact that my grandmother is getting nervous because she doesn't want to bury her only other child. its not fair to her to put her through that. your actions effect other people whether your too strung out to fuckin realize it or not.
so where do I stand right now? thats a good question. why do I keep writing this type of entry? even better one.
jumping on the band wagon....
+a job that pays well
-a job that is cutting back everyones hours
+having an appointment to get my arm worked on
-having said appointment being pushed back to wednesday
-spending more money then I really should spend
+having cool shit due to spending said money
+sitting in matt's backward shooting the paintball gun and watching just a stream of paint, and knowing that means that for the first time in a while I don't have to be tame while playing because I know the gun can keep up.
-seeing my grandmother not be happy
+knowing that atleast jacky is getting help
+having a little bit of confidence
-still not being able to talk to the opposite sex
-still needing to get my car back on the road(fucking machine)
+being genuinely happy with where I'm at emotionally
-not being so keen on the physical stuff
+being able to change that
+knowing that someone from this point on, no matter what happens and where I end up I'll be ok
-not being totally sure where I want to end up/how to get there
-not having anyone to share that particular journey with
so where do I stand right now? thats a good question. why do I keep writing this type of entry? even better one.
jumping on the band wagon....
+a job that pays well
-a job that is cutting back everyones hours
+having an appointment to get my arm worked on
-having said appointment being pushed back to wednesday
-spending more money then I really should spend
+having cool shit due to spending said money
+sitting in matt's backward shooting the paintball gun and watching just a stream of paint, and knowing that means that for the first time in a while I don't have to be tame while playing because I know the gun can keep up.
-seeing my grandmother not be happy
+knowing that atleast jacky is getting help
+having a little bit of confidence
-still not being able to talk to the opposite sex
-still needing to get my car back on the road(fucking machine)
+being genuinely happy with where I'm at emotionally
-not being so keen on the physical stuff
+being able to change that
+knowing that someone from this point on, no matter what happens and where I end up I'll be ok
-not being totally sure where I want to end up/how to get there
-not having anyone to share that particular journey with