yeah i did it
In The Pursuit of Truth
Throughout high school, my friends have come from an array of cultural backgrounds. Most of them, though, are multiracial, so diversity in families is actually a homogeneous trait. Personally the most influential experience that has allowed me to share and be open with others has been coming out about my sexuality to my family and friends.
For as long as I can remember, homosexuality was never taboo in my household. Although my mom comes from a first generation Japanese family and my father from a Baptist family, both my parents are liberal in their beliefs. They have not put an emphasis on labels and so for most of my life I was not aware of how much sexual orientation distinguishes who a person is to others. As I got older, though, I realized I was different from my friends and around the same time it became clear to me how often homosexuals were ostracized.
I finally admitted my sexuality to myself by the time I was thirteen. It was hard for me because I was not sure about whom I could talk to about it. I had to rely on my own feelings and reasoning to work through how I was feeling. I was not sure about how my friends and family would react, so I tried to work things out on my own as much as possible. One of the hardest parts of coming to terms with my sexuality was my fear of rejection and my need to be accepted. I was not afraid of the feelings I was having, but the reactions my friends would have. I just wanted to be another normal teenager; I had yet to realize that there is no such thing as normal. As I told more of my friends, though, I found that everyone seemed to be, at the very least, tolerant of my orientation. My friends did not shun me, strangers did not harass me, and my world was not flipped upside down; business went on as usual, more or less.
By the time high school began, I had grown into myself and I realized that I could not change I am. Although I was fairly open about my sexuality, it was still hard for me to tell new people about my sexuality. I was afraid of being labeled and shunned. I felt and still feel that my sexuality should not be my defining characteristic as a person. It took a lot of convincing and reassuring from my friends that people who would stop talking to me because I liked other girls really were not worth my time. But still, I could not face my parents about it. Although I knew they would still love and accept me, some small part of me knew I would be letting my mother down somehow. With my family, it was less about being normal and more about keeping up appearances. I did not want to disgrace my Japanese family by being anything but the good daughter and I was not sure how my Baptist, Caucasian family would react to my orientation. My apprehension about telling my parents was mostly due to my mother. My justification for my fear was the knowledge that the Japanese community tends to be more conservative and less tolerant.
Eventually, though, my parents found out. The talk I had with my mother was a very emotional one and although she seemed stuck in a state of disbelief, she was supportive and accepting. Both my parents were scared for me and did not want me to get hurt, so they were apprehensive about my openness with my sexuality. I was lucky with how my parents reacted and how willing they are to talk about my relationships and even though I can tell it makes them uncomfortable, it makes me feel a lot more confident with my decision to tell them.
Although my openness with my family and friends has given me more security in myself, I am still cautious about how much I tell to certain people. For as liberal a city as Los Angeles is, the reality is that there are still many people who fear and hate anything that is different. I can understand the fear of something not understood, but I cannot understand the hatred these people hold for homosexuals. Who I love should not dictate who I am or what I can and cannot do. I think coming to terms with my orientation has built my confidence and given me a chance to see other people in a different light. I can now relate to more people because of the prejudices and bigotry I have faced. The internal struggle that I overcame in these past few years has given me a new strength and resilience I did not think I had within me. I now feel like I do not need others to validate my life decisions. I am the only one who has to face myself in the mirror for the rest of my life, so I should stay true to who I really am. I can only try to live this each and everyday, as well as help the people around me understand it for themselves.
Throughout high school, my friends have come from an array of cultural backgrounds. Most of them, though, are multiracial, so diversity in families is actually a homogeneous trait. Personally the most influential experience that has allowed me to share and be open with others has been coming out about my sexuality to my family and friends.
For as long as I can remember, homosexuality was never taboo in my household. Although my mom comes from a first generation Japanese family and my father from a Baptist family, both my parents are liberal in their beliefs. They have not put an emphasis on labels and so for most of my life I was not aware of how much sexual orientation distinguishes who a person is to others. As I got older, though, I realized I was different from my friends and around the same time it became clear to me how often homosexuals were ostracized.
I finally admitted my sexuality to myself by the time I was thirteen. It was hard for me because I was not sure about whom I could talk to about it. I had to rely on my own feelings and reasoning to work through how I was feeling. I was not sure about how my friends and family would react, so I tried to work things out on my own as much as possible. One of the hardest parts of coming to terms with my sexuality was my fear of rejection and my need to be accepted. I was not afraid of the feelings I was having, but the reactions my friends would have. I just wanted to be another normal teenager; I had yet to realize that there is no such thing as normal. As I told more of my friends, though, I found that everyone seemed to be, at the very least, tolerant of my orientation. My friends did not shun me, strangers did not harass me, and my world was not flipped upside down; business went on as usual, more or less.
By the time high school began, I had grown into myself and I realized that I could not change I am. Although I was fairly open about my sexuality, it was still hard for me to tell new people about my sexuality. I was afraid of being labeled and shunned. I felt and still feel that my sexuality should not be my defining characteristic as a person. It took a lot of convincing and reassuring from my friends that people who would stop talking to me because I liked other girls really were not worth my time. But still, I could not face my parents about it. Although I knew they would still love and accept me, some small part of me knew I would be letting my mother down somehow. With my family, it was less about being normal and more about keeping up appearances. I did not want to disgrace my Japanese family by being anything but the good daughter and I was not sure how my Baptist, Caucasian family would react to my orientation. My apprehension about telling my parents was mostly due to my mother. My justification for my fear was the knowledge that the Japanese community tends to be more conservative and less tolerant.
Eventually, though, my parents found out. The talk I had with my mother was a very emotional one and although she seemed stuck in a state of disbelief, she was supportive and accepting. Both my parents were scared for me and did not want me to get hurt, so they were apprehensive about my openness with my sexuality. I was lucky with how my parents reacted and how willing they are to talk about my relationships and even though I can tell it makes them uncomfortable, it makes me feel a lot more confident with my decision to tell them.
Although my openness with my family and friends has given me more security in myself, I am still cautious about how much I tell to certain people. For as liberal a city as Los Angeles is, the reality is that there are still many people who fear and hate anything that is different. I can understand the fear of something not understood, but I cannot understand the hatred these people hold for homosexuals. Who I love should not dictate who I am or what I can and cannot do. I think coming to terms with my orientation has built my confidence and given me a chance to see other people in a different light. I can now relate to more people because of the prejudices and bigotry I have faced. The internal struggle that I overcame in these past few years has given me a new strength and resilience I did not think I had within me. I now feel like I do not need others to validate my life decisions. I am the only one who has to face myself in the mirror for the rest of my life, so I should stay true to who I really am. I can only try to live this each and everyday, as well as help the people around me understand it for themselves.