Closure and Insights
This fall has been filled with so much frustration, work and sense of misdirection and confusion that half the time I haven't been able to figure out what is up or down, let alone where I'll be spending the night or what I'm doing with myself.
But damn if everything hasn't turned out just fine.
I had a lovely birthday, beginning on the evening of the 16:th with dinner, rum and good conversation. Night gave way to morning, complete with an eminent bedside breakfast, lovely presents and dinner with the boys in Lund.
And then the day before yesterday we moved.
FINALLY.
Damn it feels good to have a home again. A bed of my own. My flat-mates back. A haven in Lund.
Sure I don't have any walls to my room and we're currently missing both kitchen table and chairs, but honestly who gives a shit? Certainly not me. Yesterday we spent the evening playing video games, eating pie and watching Futurama. Niffe came over for a quick visit, Johannes and I shared a cup of hot cocoa and the evening ended with me playing Mass Effect on my own until five a.m., a luxury I haven't enjoyed since... last spring I think.
And today on the train, while listening to P.J. Harvey I had finally had the time and energy to contemplate, yet another thing I've been way too wound up to do lately.
And now I know a few things I hadn't realized before. For instance the why and how of my dealings with mr. Tall, dark and brooding.
Because the simple truth of the matter is he's way too careful, too responsible and quick to prioritize correctly. I don't want someone who's constantly at my beck and call, I'm not remotely interested in anything resembling a typical relationship. But there's no point in me acting like... well me, if he has such a faint interest in the whole matter.
Because it takes two people to be properly bat-shit insane together, with only yours truly you just get a lot of unnecessary midnight walks, misunderstandings and frustration. So somewhere along the way I've forced myself to cool down, go easy on the crazy and not really care. I know the feelings are still there, I've got them safely tucked away somewhere between combat rage and my enormous ego, but it's no point in bringing them out again until I see some really rash decision making or spontaneous acts of insanity.
Until some caution's been flung.
But who knows when or if that will happen, so in the meantime I plan on thoroughly enjoying his company when I feel like it, my new home and not to mention the holidays.
I've always been a sucker for Christmas.