omg 2 in a day! (emailed) FIXED
Ok, I know that people have different tastes in fashion, and I may be painfully unhip for not liking any of these, but dammit I've been doing boring crap all day and am hyped up on caffeine, so here it goes.
The Trend: Jumpsuit
Cristina says: "Choose a jumpsuit with a tie waist and a wide leg; it will create a small middle and make your legs look extra-long. Add an oversize sleeveless cardigan to give you just the right amount of coverage - and confidence! - to rock this retro style."
She doesn't look awful. Actually, she looks like an extra from Charlie's Angels. Retro is an appropriate descriptor. It's not the look, but the items themselves that I really don't get. Jumpsuit? I'm not going to deny that I actually owned one once in my life. But that was in 7th grade. Do you want to talk about what you were wearing in 7th grade? Maybe I just don't get the appeal of something that forces you to get naked just to pee. Also, sleeveless cardigan for coverage? Unless the jumpsuit gives you massive amounts of visable side boob what exactly is a sleeveless cardigan going to cover up?
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The Trend: Neon Top
Cristina says: "Neon colors are easy to wear when paired with classic pieces in neutral hues. Khaki pants and black accessories are the perfect go-withs for this '80s-inspired trend - just be easy with the jewelry and let your bright neon top be the star of your outfit."
When I read "Neon Top" I was expecting the eye-jarring shades I used to cover myself in in the late 80s. Compared to those, I don't find this top neon at all. I think it's a good color on her, and the only things I don't like are the shoulder details and the tucked in shirt.
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The Trend: Easy Blazer
Cristina says: "The perfect feminine counterpart to this masculine jacket is a soft, flowy jersey dress. Show a hint of skin at the collarbone and accentuate the waist with a belt so the boxy blazer will look cool and laid-back, not sloppy and shapeless."
Maybe not sloppy, but it definitely looks shapeless to me. I can practically hear Stacy and Clinton yelling about shape and locking and loading the girls while wearing a jacket. Also that dress looks like it adds 10 lbs. All around the area directly under the belt. But hey, maybe pear-shaped is in?
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The Trend: Cage Heels
Cristina says: "These heels may seem racy, but they're just like any other pair of sexy shoes you've ever owned - like last year's sky-high patent pumps. Wear them with sophisticated separates like a pencil skirt and a tie-neck blouse. They'll add a dose of anytime-sultry to an otherwise modest look."
I just plain don't like those shoes. Let's take a look at her whole outfit though, shall we?
The shirt - I think it's cute. Nothing to complain about there.
The belt - Oh hey there, how are the 80s treating you?
The skirt - Ooooh, this skirt. This is the best. The color? Actually, I love that with the black & white shirt. Love love love. Then it quickly goes sour. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is not a pencil skirt as I know it. Pencil skirts I know are quite form-fitting. High waisted like this one is (? or is it one that just got pulled up too high?) but sticking with the body to the knees, not hitting the hips and dropping straight down. And that ... thing ... on the front upper right. What? Random pleating? Or a creature about to burst out Alien-style?
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The Trend: Cropped Pleated Pants
Cristina says: "Listen up, ladies: Pleated pants won't make you look frumpy! Just wear a simple, fitted top, like a striped tee, to balance the volume from the pleats. Tuck in the top and add a jacket that stops right above your hips to really seal the slimming deal."
Wait, what? Did she just use pleated pants and slimming in the same description? Surely she's joking? Am I the only one who thinks these pants make this tiny woman look like she's got hips the size of South Dakota smuggled in those pants? And the volume + the length make her look like her legs are about 15 inches long? Can I put any more question marks here? Maybe? How about another? Admittedly I may be biased, I loathe pleated pants.
The Trend: Jumpsuit
Cristina says: "Choose a jumpsuit with a tie waist and a wide leg; it will create a small middle and make your legs look extra-long. Add an oversize sleeveless cardigan to give you just the right amount of coverage - and confidence! - to rock this retro style."
She doesn't look awful. Actually, she looks like an extra from Charlie's Angels. Retro is an appropriate descriptor. It's not the look, but the items themselves that I really don't get. Jumpsuit? I'm not going to deny that I actually owned one once in my life. But that was in 7th grade. Do you want to talk about what you were wearing in 7th grade? Maybe I just don't get the appeal of something that forces you to get naked just to pee. Also, sleeveless cardigan for coverage? Unless the jumpsuit gives you massive amounts of visable side boob what exactly is a sleeveless cardigan going to cover up?
----------
The Trend: Neon Top
Cristina says: "Neon colors are easy to wear when paired with classic pieces in neutral hues. Khaki pants and black accessories are the perfect go-withs for this '80s-inspired trend - just be easy with the jewelry and let your bright neon top be the star of your outfit."
When I read "Neon Top" I was expecting the eye-jarring shades I used to cover myself in in the late 80s. Compared to those, I don't find this top neon at all. I think it's a good color on her, and the only things I don't like are the shoulder details and the tucked in shirt.
----------
The Trend: Easy Blazer
Cristina says: "The perfect feminine counterpart to this masculine jacket is a soft, flowy jersey dress. Show a hint of skin at the collarbone and accentuate the waist with a belt so the boxy blazer will look cool and laid-back, not sloppy and shapeless."
Maybe not sloppy, but it definitely looks shapeless to me. I can practically hear Stacy and Clinton yelling about shape and locking and loading the girls while wearing a jacket. Also that dress looks like it adds 10 lbs. All around the area directly under the belt. But hey, maybe pear-shaped is in?
----------
The Trend: Cage Heels
Cristina says: "These heels may seem racy, but they're just like any other pair of sexy shoes you've ever owned - like last year's sky-high patent pumps. Wear them with sophisticated separates like a pencil skirt and a tie-neck blouse. They'll add a dose of anytime-sultry to an otherwise modest look."
I just plain don't like those shoes. Let's take a look at her whole outfit though, shall we?
The shirt - I think it's cute. Nothing to complain about there.
The belt - Oh hey there, how are the 80s treating you?
The skirt - Ooooh, this skirt. This is the best. The color? Actually, I love that with the black & white shirt. Love love love. Then it quickly goes sour. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is not a pencil skirt as I know it. Pencil skirts I know are quite form-fitting. High waisted like this one is (? or is it one that just got pulled up too high?) but sticking with the body to the knees, not hitting the hips and dropping straight down. And that ... thing ... on the front upper right. What? Random pleating? Or a creature about to burst out Alien-style?
--------
The Trend: Cropped Pleated Pants
Cristina says: "Listen up, ladies: Pleated pants won't make you look frumpy! Just wear a simple, fitted top, like a striped tee, to balance the volume from the pleats. Tuck in the top and add a jacket that stops right above your hips to really seal the slimming deal."
Wait, what? Did she just use pleated pants and slimming in the same description? Surely she's joking? Am I the only one who thinks these pants make this tiny woman look like she's got hips the size of South Dakota smuggled in those pants? And the volume + the length make her look like her legs are about 15 inches long? Can I put any more question marks here? Maybe? How about another? Admittedly I may be biased, I loathe pleated pants.