I'm miserable.....sorry to whine, but need to vent.
So, I am sorry that Iowa sucks and its a shitty place to visit a friend, but I thought when you cared about someone it didn't really matter where they were.
You see, there are people in my life that I don't talk to as often as I want, but when I do, they always know how important they are to me. I hope anyways. I don't just pick certain people to talk to on a regular basis and leave anyone out in the dust. It sucks that my comuunication is really bad and all, but I am bad like that, sometimes I dont want to be a pain and complain to someone cause I feel like that is all I do. I would go to any ends of the earth for my friends, and hope they know that. I wouldn't just go visit you because of something bigger and better in it for me. I miss you guys alot and I am very upset now because of certain things, which I am sure you can probably figure out or will know about soon enough. I am sure I sound like a bitch, but my feelings are so hurt that I really dont care right now how I sound. I just get sad sometimes having things go on that make me appear to be non important. I dont know what the intentions are, but I hope that if you are really my friend that you know that I would do anything at all for you, and I hope you would do the same for me.
I am finally starting to adjust to being in a new enviornment. I am working, and meeting people but everyday I wish I could have all my friends around me. Unfortunatley I am not close enough to anyone to have like a middle ground for meeting up or anything. It all depends on who is available when I come to visit. I hate that sometimes. I get depressed too, and it would feel amazing to me to have any kind of outreach that someone had an interest to want to visit. I really aooreciate every email I get and everyone who sends cards....I hope you guys know that.
I guess it just hurts really bad to know that someone puts way more effort out on everyone else then they do you.
I have gone through alot this year and everytime I am ready to be out there and feel better again, somethong goes wrong...I start keeping up and in contact really well , and my internet goes out. I get on the phone with people and start having 300 dollar cell bills. Well, now...I am feeling better, will have a new cell plan by Friday when my new phone arrives (Same number, more minutes...way more)...and have been trying to catch up with the huge backstock of emails and crap I have. So, I am here trying. I am sorry if I havent answered you when you wrote, or whatever things like that, I really am. But, I was trying to deal with a whole lot more crap then I ever have before and it was hard. Hopefully now I can keep my internet and phone together and have more contact then I have before. I apologize to anyone who I have offended.
But, I dont apologize for getting hurt. I guess some people dont see what they do to others. When all you hear is one thing, and another is done or seen, people get really confused.
When people tell you they hate being on the phone, and always tell you about how they talk to everyone else on the planet all the time, you start to feel singled out. There are other things, not just that...but I guess sometimes you just dont notice how you can hurt someones feelings.
I feel like the people I have known the shortest amount of time are better intouch with me then others. Who knows why....I dont understand how someone can say to you, they dont send mail...talk on the phone....are online but never answer you....and then you look on lj and see them talk about things and send others shit or whatever.
Maybe I sound like a big whiny baby that can't spell, but in the time of complete frustration and sadness...it feels good to get it out of my system.
I don't know if I am taking what happened to heart to strongly right now for some reason, but I am, and I can deal with the depression the only way I can right now. And that is to get it out. I dont want to cry and fuss and moan, so I am boring you all to death.
Thanks for listening if you did. If not, sorry to clog up your space. I am going to shut up and cook dinner and stuff my face to feel better. night.
You see, there are people in my life that I don't talk to as often as I want, but when I do, they always know how important they are to me. I hope anyways. I don't just pick certain people to talk to on a regular basis and leave anyone out in the dust. It sucks that my comuunication is really bad and all, but I am bad like that, sometimes I dont want to be a pain and complain to someone cause I feel like that is all I do. I would go to any ends of the earth for my friends, and hope they know that. I wouldn't just go visit you because of something bigger and better in it for me. I miss you guys alot and I am very upset now because of certain things, which I am sure you can probably figure out or will know about soon enough. I am sure I sound like a bitch, but my feelings are so hurt that I really dont care right now how I sound. I just get sad sometimes having things go on that make me appear to be non important. I dont know what the intentions are, but I hope that if you are really my friend that you know that I would do anything at all for you, and I hope you would do the same for me.
I am finally starting to adjust to being in a new enviornment. I am working, and meeting people but everyday I wish I could have all my friends around me. Unfortunatley I am not close enough to anyone to have like a middle ground for meeting up or anything. It all depends on who is available when I come to visit. I hate that sometimes. I get depressed too, and it would feel amazing to me to have any kind of outreach that someone had an interest to want to visit. I really aooreciate every email I get and everyone who sends cards....I hope you guys know that.
I guess it just hurts really bad to know that someone puts way more effort out on everyone else then they do you.
I have gone through alot this year and everytime I am ready to be out there and feel better again, somethong goes wrong...I start keeping up and in contact really well , and my internet goes out. I get on the phone with people and start having 300 dollar cell bills. Well, now...I am feeling better, will have a new cell plan by Friday when my new phone arrives (Same number, more minutes...way more)...and have been trying to catch up with the huge backstock of emails and crap I have. So, I am here trying. I am sorry if I havent answered you when you wrote, or whatever things like that, I really am. But, I was trying to deal with a whole lot more crap then I ever have before and it was hard. Hopefully now I can keep my internet and phone together and have more contact then I have before. I apologize to anyone who I have offended.
But, I dont apologize for getting hurt. I guess some people dont see what they do to others. When all you hear is one thing, and another is done or seen, people get really confused.
When people tell you they hate being on the phone, and always tell you about how they talk to everyone else on the planet all the time, you start to feel singled out. There are other things, not just that...but I guess sometimes you just dont notice how you can hurt someones feelings.
I feel like the people I have known the shortest amount of time are better intouch with me then others. Who knows why....I dont understand how someone can say to you, they dont send mail...talk on the phone....are online but never answer you....and then you look on lj and see them talk about things and send others shit or whatever.
Maybe I sound like a big whiny baby that can't spell, but in the time of complete frustration and sadness...it feels good to get it out of my system.
I don't know if I am taking what happened to heart to strongly right now for some reason, but I am, and I can deal with the depression the only way I can right now. And that is to get it out. I dont want to cry and fuss and moan, so I am boring you all to death.
Thanks for listening if you did. If not, sorry to clog up your space. I am going to shut up and cook dinner and stuff my face to feel better. night.