(no subject)
i can't believe i was so stupid as to believe that someone i wanted to care about me would.
i know it's my fault. i'm not blaming anyone but myself. i'm sorry to those of you that i hurt, please know that i never ever EVER meant to hurt you.
i hate having a mental defect. when i'm tired, when i'm in over my head, when i'm sad, i can't control my feelings. i get scared. i get nervous. i get hysterical. i know i shouldn't try to get involved with anyone, because i'm always going to screw it up. i know it's my fault. but it still hurts.
it just hurts so much. knowing that it's always going to be my fault. it doesn't matter who the guy is, or how much i like them, i know i'm still going to be stupid me and screw everything up.
i just want to get out of here. i want to go away. forever. i wish i didn't have to face tomorrow, but i will. and i do.
and i just want one guy that i like to like me back. ONE guy. i don't care if it won't last for very long, or whatever. i just want to feel like someone is able to find something about me attractive.
why do i hurt so much?
oh. i know the answer.
i'm alive.