["this is not about you, because it's all about you"]
I'll just wangst about a couple things for the moment. Everything else is too tied up with my emotions that I don't plan on broadcasting just yet.
I've made a semi-big deal about a Halloween costume on Twitter and on Facebook (I think...) because
1► I'm thin enough to wear cute ones (as in, not whoopie cushions)!
2► I actually have a party to go to (to which I was invited to a month and a half in advance... ;))
3► I LOVE ANY EXCUSE TO DRESS UP.
So! I wanted to do something Nicole Kidman-y. Could never find a good costume to throw together; not even reasonably tasteful ones from Moulin Rouge.
Then I wanted to do Rita Hayworth as a nod/homage to her use in Shawshank Redemption. But no, couldn't figure out how to make my hair do what hers did, even though I have the color.
Then I wanted to be Dana Scully, but, I'd have to straighten my hair and I'm too tall. And it goes fuzzyball after 3 hours, and this party should last longer than that (hurhurhur).
Then I considered Seras Victoria more, but I'd hate having to explain that it's the curly-haired redhead!variant, or explain it at all.
Then I broke down and ordered a dress from eBay and was like 'Ah, this should get here in time.' And a few days after, they go 'Woops, we measured it wrong, let us give you a refund.' Which is nice they caught it, but... Damn.
BATTLESTATIONS!
Then I wanted to do "devil in a blue dress", inspired by a hateful epithet likening me to Satan. I figured, "Hell, why not run with that idea?" because you can do soooo many jokes about it but when I went to SIX stores today, I couldn't find a good blue dress. At all. I shit thee not. Navy, royal, teal (yeah, a green stretch), cerulean-nothing.
I polled lots of friends for suggestions, only getting slutty ones, when I want to be classy!sexy. That's my milieu, it's what I do, it's what I am.
Then I found one at Target that would suit, in case the dress I bought to replace the other dress didn't get here in time (I found out I bought it from China by the time I had already committed to buying it). I mean, why not embrace my inner weeaboo in my first foray into sexy dress up tiem nao? I looked at the measurements on the back, the sizing exceeding what I currently and actually wear by 4" in the bust but only 1" in the waist. I took a chance.
I get it home.
Try it on.
The waist fits like a dream.
The bust... D:
Apparently, even though I know it is untrue, my bust is somehow 4" larger than what I wear in a bra size. I am aware that one must also take into account cup size (one cup size adds, what, a half inch, an inch?) when measuring garments, but this is beyond fuckery. There's no way to fix it/extend it, because it's a side/hidden zipper in 100% polyester, meaning, NO GIVE. I kept the receipt and am returning it after finishing this post, finally conceding to going to a proper costume/Halloween store.
So, I'm angry at the Chinese who can't measure or convert measurements at all but am overall all types of frustrated I'd rather not get into.
I may resort to going as a flasher. I have a huge tawny trenchcoat. I might as well still wear the lingerie I planned on wearing underneath it. I really wouldn't do this.
I already intended on writing this a long time, but now that I've regained some inspiration, I know where to take it, in terms of ... action. I'll probably leave it unlocked, too. I may be able to write it over the course of my trip in November. I've already got the flow in mind, just getting it sequentially functional is my current goal.
But it shall come. #doyourowndoubleentendres
I bought a two-piece; the first piece on clearance at Wal-Mart for $3. Halter-ties, covers the crazy stomach area, blue and white... Mum said "Uh... That looks gorgeous on you." lol I doubt she ever expected to say such a thing about me. The bottoms for them came in the mail today and they fit wonderfully! The one-piece I ordered is just a TOUCH too small (again, my broad man shoulders are cockblocking me) but we'll see.
I know I don't look perfect, and I've iterated before that to some chicks, I probably look like a cow nonetheless, but... I know I am beautiful to those whose opinions matter or have mattered to me. And if someone doesn't think I'm beautiful, hey, they don't have to look, they don't have to care. I am as beautiful as I have ever been to myself physically. I could nitpick about the still-remaining flaws I have, but that won't make them go away. I can feel better about my flaws by appreciating my gifts.
My greatest blessing (and curse less often) is my red, curly hair. I can shower, style my hair, and go to bed. When I wake up, the curls are perfect, bouncy, soft, tousled just so. God knew I'd have a lazy, laissez-faire attitude towards self-beautification, so I was blessed with hair that didn't need much upkeep to be awesome. The shade is widely envied, a color that most blondes and brunettes covet and seek to replicate in their own locks with dyes. There's no shame in that game, but the try-hards are really embarassing. jblizness pulls it off well, tho-I gladly induct her into the league of redheads. :D Those girls have to go out of their way to attract attention, but redheads are genetically predisposed to drawing attention to themselves. Even the color blind can see the altered shade in a crowd.
One dear girl at David's church has to endure this one brunette girl constantly harassing her and cockblocking her, as it were. Redheaded girl is the same age as the brunette, but the brunette girl wears tons of make-up, styles her hair all special all the time, wears "cute"/tight clothes, while the redheaded girl wears simple, unadorned clothes, lets the waves in her hair be there without trying to flat iron out any "defect", never wears make-up, but she's gorgeous. This other girl is giving her a complex by what she ISN'T doing or how she isn't acting. But the redheaded girl is beautiful. Undeniably gorgeous in her attitude, her honesty, her ever-growing intellect, as well as having the most beautiful dark blue eyes I've ever seen, a lovely smile, heart-shaped face... The other girl is pretty, no doubt, but how she clamors for attention, how she is destructive and mean to draw it to herself, is absolutely ugly. And it's not even in a joking manner. It's true cruelty.
She (and her awesome little sister) are what draw me to David's church. She makes me want to drive the 1.5hour roundtrip commute just to encourage her to see the beauty in herself everyone is stupidly blind to (or they recognize it and are just letting it blossom further). She has a beautiful soul and I am thankful for whatever opportunities present itself for me to encourage her. I'm in no way perfect in deed or manner, but in my growth this year, I have come to know how to value myself in my redheaded identity. My God, what I wouldn't have done to have had someone like that in my life when I was her age. I am so thankful that, aside from her mother, I can be a redheaded woman who has confidence in the rare beauty that inherently comes with the red hair. She guilts me when I can't come to church to see her, but I feel bad just the same. I miss the opportunity. Which is why I promised I'd see her Wednesday night before work, because I'd be missing all Sunday. And for her, I don't mind making that sleep sacrifice at all. If I can be used for good in her life, then... Awesome. :)
That, and she no-nonsense bosses me into taking action towards guys pursuing me. She texted me out of the blue yesterday saying "GET ______'S NUMBER ALREADY". lol... Why she was thinking about that, I don't know, but if I can be a bastion for awesome, so be it. I shall be awesome for her sake.
TL;DR-Pwned by China, my muse is coming back (yay!), omfg bikini, and not minding getting pushed around by tweenage girls who are awestruck by my social/"love" life.
I've made a semi-big deal about a Halloween costume on Twitter and on Facebook (I think...) because
1► I'm thin enough to wear cute ones (as in, not whoopie cushions)!
2► I actually have a party to go to (to which I was invited to a month and a half in advance... ;))
3► I LOVE ANY EXCUSE TO DRESS UP.
So! I wanted to do something Nicole Kidman-y. Could never find a good costume to throw together; not even reasonably tasteful ones from Moulin Rouge.
Then I wanted to do Rita Hayworth as a nod/homage to her use in Shawshank Redemption. But no, couldn't figure out how to make my hair do what hers did, even though I have the color.
Then I wanted to be Dana Scully, but, I'd have to straighten my hair and I'm too tall. And it goes fuzzyball after 3 hours, and this party should last longer than that (hurhurhur).
Then I considered Seras Victoria more, but I'd hate having to explain that it's the curly-haired redhead!variant, or explain it at all.
Then I broke down and ordered a dress from eBay and was like 'Ah, this should get here in time.' And a few days after, they go 'Woops, we measured it wrong, let us give you a refund.' Which is nice they caught it, but... Damn.
BATTLESTATIONS!
Then I wanted to do "devil in a blue dress", inspired by a hateful epithet likening me to Satan. I figured, "Hell, why not run with that idea?" because you can do soooo many jokes about it but when I went to SIX stores today, I couldn't find a good blue dress. At all. I shit thee not. Navy, royal, teal (yeah, a green stretch), cerulean-nothing.
I polled lots of friends for suggestions, only getting slutty ones, when I want to be classy!sexy. That's my milieu, it's what I do, it's what I am.
Then I found one at Target that would suit, in case the dress I bought to replace the other dress didn't get here in time (I found out I bought it from China by the time I had already committed to buying it). I mean, why not embrace my inner weeaboo in my first foray into sexy dress up tiem nao? I looked at the measurements on the back, the sizing exceeding what I currently and actually wear by 4" in the bust but only 1" in the waist. I took a chance.
I get it home.
Try it on.
The waist fits like a dream.
The bust... D:
Apparently, even though I know it is untrue, my bust is somehow 4" larger than what I wear in a bra size. I am aware that one must also take into account cup size (one cup size adds, what, a half inch, an inch?) when measuring garments, but this is beyond fuckery. There's no way to fix it/extend it, because it's a side/hidden zipper in 100% polyester, meaning, NO GIVE. I kept the receipt and am returning it after finishing this post, finally conceding to going to a proper costume/Halloween store.
So, I'm angry at the Chinese who can't measure or convert measurements at all but am overall all types of frustrated I'd rather not get into.
I may resort to going as a flasher. I have a huge tawny trenchcoat. I might as well still wear the lingerie I planned on wearing underneath it. I really wouldn't do this.
I already intended on writing this a long time, but now that I've regained some inspiration, I know where to take it, in terms of ... action. I'll probably leave it unlocked, too. I may be able to write it over the course of my trip in November. I've already got the flow in mind, just getting it sequentially functional is my current goal.
But it shall come. #doyourowndoubleentendres
I bought a two-piece; the first piece on clearance at Wal-Mart for $3. Halter-ties, covers the crazy stomach area, blue and white... Mum said "Uh... That looks gorgeous on you." lol I doubt she ever expected to say such a thing about me. The bottoms for them came in the mail today and they fit wonderfully! The one-piece I ordered is just a TOUCH too small (again, my broad man shoulders are cockblocking me) but we'll see.
I know I don't look perfect, and I've iterated before that to some chicks, I probably look like a cow nonetheless, but... I know I am beautiful to those whose opinions matter or have mattered to me. And if someone doesn't think I'm beautiful, hey, they don't have to look, they don't have to care. I am as beautiful as I have ever been to myself physically. I could nitpick about the still-remaining flaws I have, but that won't make them go away. I can feel better about my flaws by appreciating my gifts.
My greatest blessing (and curse less often) is my red, curly hair. I can shower, style my hair, and go to bed. When I wake up, the curls are perfect, bouncy, soft, tousled just so. God knew I'd have a lazy, laissez-faire attitude towards self-beautification, so I was blessed with hair that didn't need much upkeep to be awesome. The shade is widely envied, a color that most blondes and brunettes covet and seek to replicate in their own locks with dyes. There's no shame in that game, but the try-hards are really embarassing. jblizness pulls it off well, tho-I gladly induct her into the league of redheads. :D Those girls have to go out of their way to attract attention, but redheads are genetically predisposed to drawing attention to themselves. Even the color blind can see the altered shade in a crowd.
One dear girl at David's church has to endure this one brunette girl constantly harassing her and cockblocking her, as it were. Redheaded girl is the same age as the brunette, but the brunette girl wears tons of make-up, styles her hair all special all the time, wears "cute"/tight clothes, while the redheaded girl wears simple, unadorned clothes, lets the waves in her hair be there without trying to flat iron out any "defect", never wears make-up, but she's gorgeous. This other girl is giving her a complex by what she ISN'T doing or how she isn't acting. But the redheaded girl is beautiful. Undeniably gorgeous in her attitude, her honesty, her ever-growing intellect, as well as having the most beautiful dark blue eyes I've ever seen, a lovely smile, heart-shaped face... The other girl is pretty, no doubt, but how she clamors for attention, how she is destructive and mean to draw it to herself, is absolutely ugly. And it's not even in a joking manner. It's true cruelty.
She (and her awesome little sister) are what draw me to David's church. She makes me want to drive the 1.5hour roundtrip commute just to encourage her to see the beauty in herself everyone is stupidly blind to (or they recognize it and are just letting it blossom further). She has a beautiful soul and I am thankful for whatever opportunities present itself for me to encourage her. I'm in no way perfect in deed or manner, but in my growth this year, I have come to know how to value myself in my redheaded identity. My God, what I wouldn't have done to have had someone like that in my life when I was her age. I am so thankful that, aside from her mother, I can be a redheaded woman who has confidence in the rare beauty that inherently comes with the red hair. She guilts me when I can't come to church to see her, but I feel bad just the same. I miss the opportunity. Which is why I promised I'd see her Wednesday night before work, because I'd be missing all Sunday. And for her, I don't mind making that sleep sacrifice at all. If I can be used for good in her life, then... Awesome. :)
That, and she no-nonsense bosses me into taking action towards guys pursuing me. She texted me out of the blue yesterday saying "GET ______'S NUMBER ALREADY". lol... Why she was thinking about that, I don't know, but if I can be a bastion for awesome, so be it. I shall be awesome for her sake.
TL;DR-Pwned by China, my muse is coming back (yay!), omfg bikini, and not minding getting pushed around by tweenage girls who are awestruck by my social/"love" life.