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Aug 10, 2006 17:50

Alright, to start with, never buy an Orange mobile phone. (That's the company, though buying one coloured orange isn't likely to be a good idea either.) Having done so, ooh, 12 months ago, I am now getting a nuisance call about twice a day, trying to sell me another 12 months contract in the guise of a "free upgrade". They all do it, of course, but ( Read more... )

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_kent August 10 2006, 18:38:10 UTC
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_kmf_ August 10 2006, 18:37:59 UTC
Oh! Actually, I may use any one of those tactics with the double-glazing people who keep phoning me. What fun! (Bet now that I'm looking forward to them calling, they won't....)

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_kent August 10 2006, 19:59:15 UTC
You may be interested in the next iteration of the technique that I have planned. In future, I will say nothing except to confirm that I am there, and that I can hear them. Beyond that, I shall remain silent.

It seems to me that they all have scripts. All of these scripts have a point where they're allowed to hang up, and clearly one of them is when the person isn't responding for some reason. Another is when you're verbally abusive. Hence, I shall make sure that I'm clearly there, an quite polite.

I'm not sure what my objective is at the moment. Maybe to freak them out so much that they never call me again.

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jacquilynne August 10 2006, 18:41:13 UTC
Ha. That's great.

The next person who calls and ask me if 'Mrs Shelfer er Schlefier er Shelser' is home is so getting the silent treatment.

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_kent August 10 2006, 20:03:28 UTC
I had a good one the other day. The cell bills aren't in my name. Hence this:

"Are you the bill payer?"
"No."
"Is it a business phone?"
"No."
"Who is the bill payer?"
"That's none of your business." (Note that these guys were claiming to be the company that sold us the phone.)
"I need to speak to the bill payer."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do!"
"No, you don't."
"I do!"
"I assure you, you don't."

I hung up at this point, which was a bit of a moral defeat, since my objective is to make them hang up in despair. But it's a way to go.

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dakeyras August 10 2006, 20:13:10 UTC
Alternatively:
"I need to speak to the bill payer."
"You can't."
"Why not?"
"They're dead and until the estate is settled I don't know who the bill payer is."

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_kent August 10 2006, 21:04:45 UTC
In some sense, I feel that it's also a moral defeat to lie to them. I shouldn't be compelled to lie in order to protect my privacy and time.

I think maybe we could go for a sort of "I don't want to talk about phones. Let's talk about something else" approach. Friendly, but surreal.

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_kent August 11 2006, 01:00:25 UTC
I've always admired the counterscript; I feel that if enough people use them, then they will realise that you're following a script, and that realisation should fill them with despair, since they've got one too, and thus there's no way out for either of you.

Ultimately, it's a bit too much effort, and is no test of your improv skills. You are the free-thinking customer, you ought to be saying whatever the hell occurs to you at the time.

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mewcenary August 11 2006, 08:19:31 UTC
To be fair, Orange don't sell your details on for this. But you've just been caught by an automatic dialler script which is what these guys use.

They dial out to, say, 50 random Orange-esque numbers, and whoever answers first gets through to a sales goon.

It's always dodgy third parties wanting their commission that do this sort of thing.

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_kent August 11 2006, 08:24:48 UTC
Hmmm. It can't be all that random. They're all calling very close to the expiry of my 12 month contract. They have some information, even if it's just a list of numbers and the dates they came into existence.

In any case, I'm certainly not absolving Orange of responsibility here. They can choose who they allow to resell their service, they shouldn't have relationships with companies this dodgy.

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