Alright, to start with, never buy an Orange mobile phone. (That's the company, though buying one coloured orange isn't likely to be a good idea either.) Having done so, ooh, 12 months ago, I am now getting a nuisance call about twice a day, trying to sell me another 12 months contract in the guise of a "free upgrade". They all do it, of course, but
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It seems to me that they all have scripts. All of these scripts have a point where they're allowed to hang up, and clearly one of them is when the person isn't responding for some reason. Another is when you're verbally abusive. Hence, I shall make sure that I'm clearly there, an quite polite.
I'm not sure what my objective is at the moment. Maybe to freak them out so much that they never call me again.
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The next person who calls and ask me if 'Mrs Shelfer er Schlefier er Shelser' is home is so getting the silent treatment.
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"Are you the bill payer?"
"No."
"Is it a business phone?"
"No."
"Who is the bill payer?"
"That's none of your business." (Note that these guys were claiming to be the company that sold us the phone.)
"I need to speak to the bill payer."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do!"
"No, you don't."
"I do!"
"I assure you, you don't."
I hung up at this point, which was a bit of a moral defeat, since my objective is to make them hang up in despair. But it's a way to go.
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"I need to speak to the bill payer."
"You can't."
"Why not?"
"They're dead and until the estate is settled I don't know who the bill payer is."
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I think maybe we could go for a sort of "I don't want to talk about phones. Let's talk about something else" approach. Friendly, but surreal.
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Ultimately, it's a bit too much effort, and is no test of your improv skills. You are the free-thinking customer, you ought to be saying whatever the hell occurs to you at the time.
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They dial out to, say, 50 random Orange-esque numbers, and whoever answers first gets through to a sales goon.
It's always dodgy third parties wanting their commission that do this sort of thing.
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In any case, I'm certainly not absolving Orange of responsibility here. They can choose who they allow to resell their service, they shouldn't have relationships with companies this dodgy.
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